I lost my husband 4 years ago from glioblastoma, an aggressive type of cancer, primary on the spine which made him paraplegic. I looked after him for nearly 18months, nursing him and fought for all the support i can get including the health service and family support. I still miss him. Been to counselling and scathered his ashes three years ago where he wanted.
I don't see myself depress but just missing the presence of the person i loved and will always love.
2007-05-05 08:11:43 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Loss becomes part of who you are, forever will be an empty place that can't be filled.
You should probably go back for some more counselling specifically for unresolved grief, you need someone who has had special training.
Do you work? Can you volunteer, or join some type of activity you enjoy or have always wanted to try? You can't fill the emptiness but you can go about growing new areas of your life.
It is scary, but worth the effort. There can still be happiness and excitement in your life in the future, take it one step at a time. But begin with the first step.
2007-05-05 08:18:22 · answer #1 · answered by MJ 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
the truth is that you may never stop feeling periods of grief for him. That is normal as you go about your daily life. The memories you have are like little gifts you get to open over and over again. In time you will learn to enjoy them more and be less das about them. It is just a matter of time and 4 years is not that long ago when it comes to the grieving process.
You invested quite a bit of personal emotional energy into the last 18 months your lives together. That is not someting that just fades away. It was a special part of you giving so much of yourself at a special time in his life. And then you add to that all the years you had together before that.
It sounds like you have already made some positive steps as far as moving on but don't let others tell you that you are still stuck just because you still miss him. That is something you will probably have with you always and that is OK. It is a testament to what you had between you. It is OK to celebrate that in your own way throughout the years.
Bless you.
2007-05-05 08:23:20 · answer #2 · answered by Moose 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your loss but if he could see you now, it would make him unhappy.
Remember, at the time he was in hospital, he knew how much you loved him. His last memories will be of you being by his side and whispering kind words into his ear.
He is in a safe, gentle, relaxing, sweet, calm, re-assuring, happy, secure place now. Nobody can hurt him and he isn't in pain.
You will always be thinking of your husband and you will certainly never forget him BUT that doesn't mean you can't be happy again. It just means you have to remember the good parts, and cut the bad parts out. Remember all of his achievements, your happy holidays together or the delicious meals he cooked.
I think ALL you need is time, and your loving family and friends to be by your side, giving you support. You supported him for so long, and now its your turn to accept some help.
Have you thought about going abroad for a while? Maybe you have friends abroad who you could stay with for a while? Or maybe you can go on a holiday with some friends for a week or two and just relax?
You need a break and if you haven't already, lift ALL un-necesary pressure off of your shoulders.
Its time for you to live again.
R.I.P to your husband, I know he'll be sorely missed. Remember though, you needent worry. What is done, is done, and he can no longer fill pain. Only happiness and comfort. God is on his side.
Best Wishes
Take Care
Smile
2007-05-05 08:44:51 · answer #3 · answered by Sahra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grieving is human nature. I lost my grandpa over a decade ago and I still miss him. There are occasions that I even cry for him, we were close. As long as you can live your life normally there is nothing wrong with missing him. It is only something to worry about when you can't get outta bed, go to work, even talk to other people. That would be considered a problem. Unfortunately you have suffered a deep emotional loss that not even time can heal. If you think you need strength to help cope with the pain I would suggest going to church,finding a support group, or just speaking with friends and family. If you need to go to the place where you scattered his ashes and and speak to him. Going to my grandpa's grave helped ease the pain and made me realize he'll always be in my heart. Based on your question it looks like you rae living a normal life so just keep doing it. Never think that you have a problem because you miss your husband. He wasn't just a person he was your lover, your friend, your life companion and you have every right to hold his memory and life in your thoughts and prayers. I'm truly sorry for your loss and hope this helps.
2007-05-05 08:23:13 · answer #4 · answered by LiLy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you ever stop grieving, but you learn to live with it and cope and put it aside. You've taken all the right steps in getting support and counselling but, remember, you're still in love with your husband. That will never change, I don't think death stops the love that you feel for him.
Actually I think you have moved on with your life as you seem to be a very pragmatic person, you recognise your loss and it's over. I think you know that the future holds opportunities for you that you have to grab, with the possibility of a new love in the future. Do you feel a little disloyal that you're thinking ahead?
I wish I could offer you a solution but I don't think there is an easy one. He will always have a special place in your heart but I think you've acknowledged that you need to forge a new life ahead. Good luck
2007-05-05 08:22:45 · answer #5 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi i lost my dad 5 years ago, all i can say is that you will always miss your husband as i still cry for my dad. But always think of the funny and nice things you did together it will make you smile and if you feel like talking about him do it, this always helps. There is no miracle but time will heal. Try to make new friends or go on days out to keep yourself busy.
I'm sorry i Cant give you a cure but take care, it is good to grieve. I am thinking of you.
2007-05-05 08:18:56 · answer #6 · answered by sunny 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Neha nothing really helps you stop grieving ! I'm 8 years into a grieving period when i lost the one person in my life after 66 years of marriage and although its easier for me to accept it i know i will never come to terms with it so i know how your feeling right now and I'm so sorry i cant give you anything more positive to say except time will ease the loneliness but your love is always alive and always think he is watching over you it comforts to think that//I have a large portrait of her in my lounge and i talk to her as if she is in the room be strong and it will gradually get easier as i first said Bless
2007-05-05 08:29:14 · answer #7 · answered by srracvuee 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In a short play of 30 minutes, every artist comes on stage, plays their part of the play and leaves the stage on director's will.
This life/world is a big stage where there are so many characters, every second many characters are born to replace the old ones.
We have nobody our own here, we came alone to this world (stage) to live life (to play our roles) and we would die when our role finishes.
Our effort should be to play our role best, role of a father, mother, children, friends and relatives. We should never forget that we are the artists being directed by the director of this world and that is GOD.
Play (this world) is still on, think of the future. I know it is impossible to forget the loved ones but we can keep them in our heart as a treasure for always.
2007-05-05 08:26:50 · answer #8 · answered by Goldman 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sorry for us lost.there is really no time limit on when to stop grieving.as a wife,u stood my ur husband, honoring ur marriage vows and thats hard to find in these days.all i can say to u is accept the fact that he's gone and be glad that u were with him all the way.and am sure he was grateful for all that u did,and i also believe that he will want u to be happy and to move on with ur life.u don't have to forget him but maybe once in a while,u should go out with friends or even try to start dating.he will not be disappointed in u,he would want u to be happy again.
2007-05-05 08:36:17 · answer #9 · answered by leen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi hon... grieving is a process, which i am sure you've learned in therapy. i'm very sorry to hear of your loss... i'm sure you are lonely for your husband. ((((hugz))))
each one of us handles our grief differently, and there is no time limit....
it might help you to get involved in some activities outside of the home -- can you go to the gym? swimming? join a karate class? what about a bowling league? art lessons? start a walking program with a friend?
perhaps you can make arrangements to go to lunch or meet to socialize with friends or a family member a couple of times a week. i'm sure some of the people you know would love to meet for a meal, or to chat over coffee.
if you have hobbies, perhaps work on something you enjoy once in a while to keep your mind busy.
sometimes we have to get out and do things, in order for our lives to start moving forward. involving ourselves in activities is a good way to start.
you deserve good things, and i hope you can find ways to occupy your spare time. you WILL always love your husband, but i'm sure he would want to see you move forward with your life, too.
i found a couple of websites which offer grief chat... maybe talking with others who have the same issues could help?
take care of YOU... i wish i could do more.
2007-05-05 08:24:14 · answer #10 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋