How can you settle down a younger man who parties too much?

Question

Im with a man who is 3 years younger than me. We live together and have a 1 year old. I want him to be more family oriented but all he seems to want to do is party all the time. Hed rather hang out with his boys than with me and the kids. (I have a 5 year old from a previous marriage.) I want to go out and have dinner, go to the movies, take the kids to the parks. You get the picture. Even if he would go to dinner with us and then hang out with the boys that would be fine. but sometimes I feel that I am invisible. Even a kiss when we get home from work would satisfy my intimate need. i keep a clean house, i cook for him, he his really spoiled. Can someone tell me what I can do?

Answer 1

I am sorry to tell you that you cannot change someone until they are ready to change. You are in a situation that requires more maturity than most people can handle who are already somewhat settled with a home, and a job, until they are older. You can't force maturity on a guy who doesn't want it and all indications show that he doesn't want it right now. Getting a home together and then having an automatic family and the responsibilites that come with that, is a lot to handle. You had the baby and already had another child, so you were forced to grow up, maybe before you were ready to but you chose your life. Having him around when he wants to be around, doing his laundry, cooking his meals, keeping a clean house is all fine and good for him. He has the best of both worlds but it doesn't sound like he is ready to settle down yet. And no matter how good you cook, or how clean you keep the house, it sounds like you are hurt because he comes and goes as he pleases without any thought of you. He would rather hang with his boys--note the word!--than be a daddy or a serious boyfriend. If he wasn't living with you, he most likely would be living with his parents, having his mom doing his laundry and cooking for him. You are hanging onto a relationship that is mostly in your mind--what you would like your life to be, not what it is. The longer you hang on, and the harder you try and remain disappointed, your self esteem is going down the tubes. You deserve much better than what you are getting or not getting. Don't sell yourself short and settle for less than what you rightfully deserve. If you do, he will walk all over you and you and your kids are going to suffer. By putting up with his rude, self-centered, spoiled brat behavior, you are telling him that it's OK and you'll settle for whatever left over time he may have for you and for his child. It's not OK ! You're also showing your 5 yr old that it's OK that he treats you like dirt.
Please, kick him to the curb and concentrate on you and your kids. If he realizes what he's lost, fine but he needs to prove himself to you that he has grown up some before you go back to washing and folding his socks again. In time, the right guy is going to find you and see what a jewel you are and treat you the way you should be treated. But if that happens, please don't get pregnant again because as you've seen, having a baby doesn't make him a father and you don't need anymore kids right now to raise on your own. Please start lovng yourself and treating yourself with as much respect and loyalty as you give to that creep, who doesn't deserve it.

Answer 2

that is a undeniable actuality that females mature swifter than men. and some human beings take longer to mature. adulthood ability responsible. Being responsible ability they're waiting to have little ones and pay for them meaning they because the numerous breadwinner must have all their guidance performed. lately human beings can't earn a good living till they have a Masters degree and that would not take position till a guy is round 23. Lust for women that men have not in any respect is going away. And men may supply little ones till they're 100 or extra as long as they're healthful even although a woman is going into menopause and would't have little ones (some commence monopause at 50, some at 60, in holding with what time your grandmothers had menopause). a large number of girls lately are waiting till eventually they're 35 to commence a family contributors earlier their clock runs out so men are patently questioning they have time, a large number of time and no favor to hurry to marry. So some purely attempt out marriage without the ceremony and years down the line get married to somebody else. no longer honestly everyone seems busier at the same time as they become older. It has no longer something to do with being busier except that they sense the older they're the further valuable they're going to be which to them ability extra income.

Answer 3

I hate to say but a party boy is a party boy until his biological clock starts ticking and he gets desparate for settling down. To be honest, if a guy loves you 100% or as much as possible he would stay with you and this wouldn't even be an issue. Because someone who is in love with you wants to be with you and spend time with you. Maybe he's just not there yet. I would get a babysitter, and do a little bar hoping on my own. Not to say that your a party girl or anything but you'll be doing this to get his attention. See how he likes it that you are spending time out with your girls and not at home cooking he's meals. You don't even have to go to the clubs, just get fixed up your hair did, nice clothes etc and go to your moms or to a girlfriends house...make him thinking your going somewhere else. If that doesn't make him jealous or at least make him want to be home more to see whats going on then I don't know what else. Try not cleaning, not cooking for a couple days and just don't be there, leave him out of your lifes, to give him a taste of his own medicine, but see what he does whether he wants or even tries to put a stop to it if he does then he cares, if he doesn't then something else may be up. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Was he like this before you got pregnant or after the baby was born? If he was like this before you got pregnant, were you thinking that having a baby would settle him down? If he just became this way after the baby was born, it's possible he's finding it difficult to adjust to parenthood. Some guys never settle down because they just don't want to and with other guys, it's a process of maturity that only time can take care of. Because you have a child together, you just can't walk away. Get counseling either as a couple or by yourself. A lot of insurance plans pay for it these days and if yours doesn't, call the mental health department in your area and ask what they offer. Many communities will provide counseling with qualified therapists for free or on a sliding scale.

Answer 5

There NOTHING you can do.You should have learned that from your divorce.love and sex is NOT committment and whats between your legs obviously is NOT enough to change a man into what you want him to be.Learn that painfull lesson now before you turn 45 with 6 kids and no man to show for it.You picked aprtier and thats what he is and he is NOT going to change kids or not.Youre going to have to accept him as he is or get someone who is what you are looking for.You cannot go tot he pet store and pick out a rabid porcupine and then complain because its not a kitty cat and doesnt curl up in your lap and purr.You picked a rabid porcupine dear not a kitty cat.Next time decide what you want in a man, then look for THAT kind of man instead of a "fixer upper"and no more sex until your married, because you dont pick men well hon.Try church.Thats where the fanmily men hang out.The united pentecostal churches are great.

Answer 6

I went thro the same thing...3 thing that I found helped,but are not always the best way to go about things
1.Time...it dose take awhile and as your littest one gets alittle older he will relize that his child is growing so fast and will not want to keep missing out on time with that child
2.The Fear of loosing u and the kids.Sometimes it just takes u taking a small vacation to your moms for a few days to make him snap...but this isn't something that is helpful to a relationship unless he dose relize he needs you when you are gone.
3.Relize that you love yourself regardless of what he dose and he will see that and respect you for that.

Just remember that once someone showes you who they are belive them. Don't ever think you can change some one. They have to want to change themself.He has to relize on his own that you and his kids are worth changing for.

And spend sometime with your friends you deserve some down time also. Go out and relax with the girls and let him watch the kids a few times. He will the relize and apriciat what you do.
Sorry for the spelling my spell check is not working
I hope this helps and things get better!!

Answer 7

Well, he may feel held back by the fact that he has kids. If he is young, he may want to enjoy life while he is still capable of doing so.

However, BECAUSE he has kids and he is with you, he has a responsibility. Inform him of this. Tell him that the second he became a father was the second he gained the responsibility to be there for his kids.

Remember, you have TWO kids, not three. If he continues to act like a child, leave him. If he isn't mature enough to be a good partner and father, then what's the point of staying with him?

Answer 8

How do you "lighten up" a grrl who has turned into an old lady?

I mean no offense by that. I'm looking at things through his eyes. He wants the best of both worlds; party with the guys and then come home to YOU for his other needs.

You can't change him. Maybe he will grow into the partner you want and need him to be. But maybe not. Sad to say, but you need to sort out these things BEFORE you have a child with someone.

Seriously, no offense and best of luck to you. Sorry to be harsh...

Answer 9

WOW! Do I know what you are going through!!!! First of all, recognize that women mature faster than men. Because you have children, even if you 'wanted' to party, you have restrictions because the natural instinct of a woman is nurturing and caring for the children and family. The 'natural instinct' of the man, is tobe out there on the block - (bringing in the bacon) Men have had to be 'taught' and reconditioned on dealing with their 'insides' - their emotions. You must talk to your mate. You must get him to see both sides and how his running around divides your relationship and damages it. Let him know what you want. Communicate. Talk. Try to get him to agree to 'certain' days that he's out and other days that he shares with you and family. Everybody needs that special time - together and alone. You have to tell him what you need and want in this relationship. Work on it. Whatever you do -please don't drown yourself in this man. Have some outside things that you do for YOU. Get you some 'girlfriends' to shop with, go to movies, enroll in school, do something that will boost your self-esteem -

Answer 10

you need to have a straight foward talk, no fighting just you thoughts and feelings, i know he won't want to but this relationship really needs it. If he still doesn't get the picture after 1-3 weeks, leave him for something better. it will be hard but worth it, if your are on your own it will be easier (you said you do a lot of work for him right so) it's less work for you