my adult stepchildren do not like me i have tried everything to make it work, to make matters worse my brother

Question

has married my step doughter and did not invite me or her father.to the wedding. to give a brief history my bother has had a drink problem for many years. he had already had a bad relationship which ended badly. my husbund and i gave support to his doughter but told her to tread carefully with the relationship. this was taken the wrong way. my brother told me he doesnt want too see me again and my step doughter said she wants to see her father without me.to top it up is other doughter hasnt seen her dad for over two years. she told him she didnt like me becouse she belived i should of worked and payed my husbunds debts. i tried telling her that i would have worked for another company however my husbund said it made more sence i worked in our own company together that would save hiring someonelse , she also accused me of treating her mum badly over money. my husbund paid her as much as he could his sons would rather see him on his own. my brother said i am evil and his kids dont like me

me and my husbund our at the end of the line.we also bumped into one of his exes he told her i was only with my husbund for his money and said i was very evil. what hurts is i have always been there for my brother and truly cared. how can he say these awful things.my step sons were invited for dinner with there partners but said they would rather spend time with there dad. his doughter who has married my brother said she wants nothing to do with her dad and belives i am bad for him it doesnt help that his ex who left the marriage is very bitter towards me and they all get on well with her,i feel ostracised ,and my husbund feels this as well he said he loves me and is upset the way his children are treating me.what should we do?

its daughter! thanks for that guys! my husbund wants to sit them down and talk as it has gone on for so long ,he wants to tell them that he has had enough. and hopes all this can stop or he feels he has no choice but to move on. i on the other hand am beginning to hate them i try not but its hard not too...

ihave tried to call my step daughter the one who told me to get a job and pay hubby debts, i told her life was to short and we should put the past behind us that i would give it another go. we both have something very special in common we both love her dad! she told me she would think it over that was 6 months ago since then she bumped into our friends and told them no one wants to see us , and she said i was unstable...i have to admit im am feeling low and am getting a bit of a complex. its a lot of pressure and i feel like getting in touch with all of them and blowing my top!!

i think the best way to explain it i feel let down by my brother ,i already had promblems before but now they have got worse becouse he has been putting me down saying im sick ext..i have told my hubby to see his kids without me but he feels upset with them and wants them not to blackmail him emotionaly.

Answer 1

First you should NEVER Have supported your daughters BAD decision to marry a drunk and told her"you dont have his future or what you hope he will do to go by,only what he has done in the past till now". Next get to a family counselor and be honest with yourself.It IS possible you have some flaws and might be at least "partly" responsible for some bad feelings.Never the less everyone needs to be adult enougbh to own up to their own shortcommings.

Answer 2

Based upon the information you have provided, it does sound as though you have many issues that need immediate attention. I believe that when a woman marries a man who has an ex-wife and children, adult or not, 'he' should be the first catalyst to sit his 'family' down and talk real talk to them about his plans, and his desires and dreams. Pure emotions and immaturity allow the children to place this anchor around your neck - making you the blame for everything. I know this is a hard road to walk, but it's not you - it's them. If you have tried to get along, tried to give good advice, and you are still being blamed, don't stop loving them or trying to help. Your husband and you should be a fortress. Together, you will stand through the marriage or not. He should know how you are being treated. Even though you can't attend the wedding - give them a gift. The bride will find out the shortcomings of her husband soon enough. Be available when she comes back to you - because she will. It's difficult, but I have found no matter what the case - love will always surrender, love will always win. No matter what others feel, say or do to you - you stand strong in love.

Answer 3

The marriage comes first whether they like it or not. Don't speak to them or anyone they have contact with until they decide to accept their place in the relationships. They are starting a societal war...there a many fools that react so don't talk to anyone that they associate with ...sounds like a broken record but until they grow up also.

You and hubby need to pick up the pieces and glue your marriage back together until you are one again. Try a ballroom dance lesson, picnics, redo the house, start a vegetable garden, go camping, etc. You are the parents - dad is dad - you are the mother in that home - brother is also your sibling -you've talked to them...which is it...war or peace because daughters, sons, siblings, cousins, neighbors, aunts, the neighbors pets, and the village idiots do not belong entrenched in a marriage. Divorce is no excuse - neither is the price of tea in China or any other assumed theatrical play written by the rumor mill.

Answer 4

particular, they did and it fairly is between the motives that the marriage did no longer artwork. One even refused to attend our severe high quality church wedding ceremony and which could have been a clue. each and every holiday and relatives accumulating became overshadowed with 'that may no longer how mom might have carried out it' or 'the place is mom's tablecloth - you be attentive to, the only we constantly use on Easter' or 'mom might have in no way have bought THAT'. All this and mom were lifeless 5 yrs in the previous I ever met Dad, the youngsters have been all adults with babies of their own and pa and that i've got been residing completely on my funds. Dad stated i became basically too mushy. I continued 5 yrs and then took my checkbook and left.

Answer 5

Betty, In my childhood, I read a story, I'll give you that and am sure will help you.

There was a king who had lost 17 wars and was going to end his life while hiding in the cave when he saw an ant fallinf repeatedly to take a piece of bread bigger then its own size, up the wall. The ant fell 21 times before successfully achieving the feat. The king got motivated and lost the naxt war also but in the 19th one, he successfully reclaimed his kingdom.

So, keep trying and ask your husband's help because its his family and they do see him sans you. Your whole family will congregate around you as the lies don't stay for long.

Best wishes for your feat.

Answer 6

well someone once told me people can only make you feel bad if you give them permission, i do think that is good that you are planning on talking with the kids and trying to fix this situation , i hope that it works , if it does not just try not to hate them , you hold your head up and do what you need to do , perhaps you may have to let them see him with out you their but , kill them with kindness , do not argue with them or anything like that , because it sounds like they want to prove you are bad , so instead be as polite as you can be with in reason i don't mean you need to kiss their butt's or let them walk all over you, you or not a door mat, be the best person you can be and maybe they will come around , maybe not but do not lose your self in this war you have going on within your family stand your ground and be the best you can be , and then at least you can hold your head up and say you tried , because their own bitterness will come back to haunt them , good luck

Answer 7

Visualize your brother's marriage 6 months from now. You know it isn't going to work out. Say nothing, let your step daughter find out the hard way. Since the other step daughter is so concerned about someone else's bills, why didn't she pay them? And as for those step sons, they have no more sense than their sisters.

Answer 8

I feel badly for you. Life is so unfair sometimes.
When I get to a point like this when I don't know where to turn or how to fix things....I pray.
Might sound silly, but it works!
I'm in one of those unfair situations right now myself and it is so hurtful when all you ever try to do is help people and they kick you right back in the teeth.

Answer 9

well! well!!!
it seems you've got quite a complicated case here.what i'll suggest is just let things rest for now.they all will probably come round very soon.just wait and see you might have the last laugh.

Answer 10

Honestly stop pandering to these people, never let people put conditions on you. If you want to see me then you see me on my terms and if that means my partner come too then so be it. If she can't deal with that then forget her and get on with your life.