I need advice about a Sex issue, somebody please tell me if Im crasy?

Question

My BF & I were making love & for some reason he couldnt orgasm.I worried that I was doing something wrong, so I asked.What he told me upset me so badly I freaked out & started crying.He says I overreacted,I say that no one in their right minds would have TOLD their lover this,even if it was true,some things you just dont reveal out of common decency. Here is what he said: "I knew I wasnt going to be able to (O) & I didnt think it was right to fantasize about someone else to make it happen when Im w/you." I could have gone my whole life not knowing this. I think he's horribly insensitive to say this,even if it was true.We all fantasize about other people than our lovers,but thats not a thing you would TELL them.Hes been open about his sexual fantasies w/me & tells me he masturbates frequently to diff. 'topics'.I have no problem with that. I didnt need to hear this in so close conjunction with ME. He says he loves me and that Im irrisistable, we have great sex but this makes me feel bad.

I asked him how he would feel if I told him that I had to close my eyes and pretend he was Brad Pitt of someone like that to be able to have an orgasm with him, and he said that was fine with him. I think thats either a lie, or he is very strange. We dont even see each other that often so when we are together I cannot even imagine having to think of someone else to have an orgasm. The problem is that now I feel 'inadequate' and self-consciuos, and he keeps trying to tell me that IM strange for feeling that way. I think HES the one who is delusional if he thinks thats something 'normal' to share with your partner. I dont care HOW open you are about sexual fantasies, saying something that could potentially hurt your lovers feelings is just either strange, or mean.

Answer 1

I can tottaly see your point. This guy just isnt into you and your alarms went off right on time. Ditch him and find someone who doesnt NEED to think of pther ppl to *** when hes w/you. Thats so sad, Im sorry. You are right to be hurt, he SUCKS!

Answer 2

what is wrong with YOU. Either you did not articulate the question properly or you are a space cadet. Men cannot always have an orgasm and it is body or psychological function and you go and feel a need to take it personal? You say he did not think of another woman so how does that become his fault by not doing something. God, you might as well get a new boyfriend because you put him down enough to scare him away already. you are so cruel. i am glad i am not a woman because you must have such a hard time living with yourself not to mention other people

Answer 3

If it was a one-time deal, no biggie. That happens. Talk to him and get comfortable with the fact that NO guy orgasms every time they have sex. He was trying to make you feel better by talking to you, even if he missed the point by mentioning thinking about something else. He's trying to make you feel better.

The more you blame and feel bad, the more he's gonna pick up on that and put pressure on himself. Sex is an interesting thing, when a guy worries about how he'll do. He'll get worse, and then he can't get it up half the time, because he's worried, and then you'll get upset and it's a downward spiral.

Relax.

Answer 4

Your a teenage nympho and there's nothing you can do about it. It's better to think about the future instead. Buy baby clothes, a stroller, and a crib when you find them on sale or out on the curb. This way you finances won't be strained when you get the SURPRISE news that your pregnant. If you get on the pill AND use condoms you'll be fine. Maybe your reputation will be sullied, but you can always move to a new town far away after high school.

Answer 5

I think he is sending you a message, so what you are saying he never orgasms with you. It's time for you to move on, with this type of man what will happen is he will continually make you feel inadequate and he will cheat on you to get what he's not getting from the relationship. If you don't see each other that much then think about what you want and move on.

Answer 6

Wow! I know you say it doesn't bother you that he mastrabates frequently. But think about it....why would he EVER have to mastrabate if he has you? There is no reason why...even if you are fooling around every day that he should have to do that. Mastrabating is for single guys, very young guys (highschool) and should be used while in a relationship only when you are fooling around with your partner.
I can tell you that is one of the most disrespectful things I have ever heard and if any guy ever said that to my face, I would say: "who the f*ck do you think you are" slap or punch him...whatever works at the moment and be done with him FOR GOOD! Trust me when I tell you that that kind of disrespect will not end there....you will see it come out in other ways. You deserve the utmost respect and if hes not going to give it to you, then someone out there will!!

Good Luck!

Answer 7

While his remark was certainly insensitive, just remember this:

They're NOT machines! Stuff happens! they come early, they don't come, they go soft, whatever...

Performance is a big issue and responsibility for guys, and they're (perhaps rightfully) self-conscious about it. Maybe what he said was in response to YOUR reaction? Not putting you down, just wondering....

Answer 8

Idigplan
I don't think it matters what you fantasize about as long as you both enjoy what you are doing.
You should be able to discuss your sex life, and turn each other on sexually.
JN

Answer 9

I agree with you...that was totally crude.....to me, the sounds of a woman enjoying my lovemaking is the most beautiful music ever heard.....it is a total ego building thing I can imagine.....wow....

Answer 10

I could see how this could be hurtful, but oh my God, it's one incident--let it go. Most couples can't O every time-that doesn't mean a thing.