Is hard to be a Muslim woman?

Question

For the wives that shares their husband with other wives, it is hard to think they are having sex, that the husband can even have still lovers outside of these 4 wives? your religion takes you away from the normal monogamic human desire?, you don't feel bad after he has sex with other and he comes to touch you?, do you get use to that?, can he have sex with more than one at the same time if he wants?

I am not questioning your religion at all, you have the very right to live as you are happy, I just want to go further how you cope further of the discussion of religion with being an everyday muslim wife.

TO LAVENDER...

But then you have a very strong double standards as you recognize as a prophet Mohamed who substained the oposite you profess...

TO MUCKY...

This doesn't have to be with religion?, so the life, opinions and laws of Mohamed are not related with religion then...you are so smart...

Answer 1

I think that everybody lost the head here?, the question is clearly about feeling and day to day experience and not about dogmatic crazy copy and paste, plus hatred, plus threats of taking over the world or lies about how accepted and growing is polygamy, cause you will no cover the sun with one finger... But if the topic causes so much alarm and unease behaviour between Muslims is not because of a good think...What happens, the life of Mohamed and his teachings are not clear enough?, how people is very Muslim to want me almost by force to become one and then at the hour of the truth, like Mohamed, everybody since to have better "revelations"?

Monogamy is a Christian concept, if you are muslim and don't feel it right, then you are not a muslim, cause if something causes problems to Mohamed always for being recognized as a prophet is exactly this part of his life's style.

Or you agree with your master or you desagree, don't come with...ah the money and this and that...what about the concubines you can have, the lovers, the slaves?

Answer 2

I am amazed that only one Muslim woman actually seems to have answered your question and she seems, well, an unconventional or modern one from a Muslim religious point of view.
Which makes me think this is an ''inconvenient'' question to them, not very easy to answer.
And to all Muslim men answerers here who praise the equality between the genders in Islam - well, equality would mean a woman could have up to four husbands.

Answer 3

most Muslim men have only 1 wife .But
Having up to 4 wives is permitted . Islam puts conditions on this . Rules are open to abuse and when the conditions of taking more than one wife are abused this is the fault of the individual and not the fault of Islam .In some Arabic countries men practise this for a good reason an example of this would be countries where its not acceptable or difficult for a woman to work ,for example if a mans brother died the family would be left without support so a surviving brother would marry the widow and bring up the children as his own this is not always to the benefit of the man because say his older brother died leaving a wife and 7 children he would have to marry her and for many this would mean sacrificing the chance of having a wife and children of his own due to the financial burden put on him .

Answer 4

It is true. They have the very shaky right to marry four women- though the original intention was to marry a widow- so that the children would be taken care of. And I might add it is but one verse among thousands.
Indonesia- The world's most populous Muslim nation- and a modern, secular nation with equal rights for women- has a problem with polygamy so parliament is currently debating a law which will make polygamy illegal.
Malaysia may soon follow.

So it is a complete lie that Muslims can only have one. I can add the news-link in later if you want to an Indonesian newspaper for all to see that polygamy is real.
This one argues about whether Polygamy is truly Sunah:
http://www.kompas.com/kompas-cetak/0305/12/swara/302149.htm
(I can translate upon request)

I once met a very rich man that had 7 wives and 13 kids. He went from house to house every 2nd day (each wife lives ideally in a separate house). And no- the wives are all fairly cold to each other and each successive one is younger than the previous- so I think menage a trois or more is out of the question.

I think most Muslim women see their men as infantile, selfish arrseholes obsessed with the pleasures and an element prestige/social recognition of their power as a man of the polygamy.

And Saudi's are the worst.

Answer 5

whoever said its only done in arabia and dubai, u r wrong. it happens everywhere, but it is rare.
also, it is not a cultural thing, plz read the quran before u answer such questions. the quran says that 'u can marry upto 4 women IF AND ONLY IF you can be fair, and allah knows that most cannot.'
and there are conditions, such as asking the first wife's permission, and dividing time and money equally, and providing separate housing for each family (coz obviously they cant be in the same place), and also, the first wife has the right to divorce herself if she doesnt agree.
also, there has to be a good reason, such as the first wife is really ill and bed ridden, and the husband is still young, so instead of divorcing or having an affair, he gets married. or becasue the wife cant have children, etc.
by the way, why r making sound as if this happens only in islam? men of every religion have affairs, but at leat when ur married, ur child wont be illegitimate and the womans rights are protected.

Answer 6

Generally, most Muslims are monogamous and there are no other relations outside this.

Marring more than one wife in a time can help support them in times and places where there would be no support.

After the second world war Germany legalised polygamy to solve the problem of unmarried single women.

I have heard an issue that a man married a second wife, after she fell in love with him and could not do without him. So they married and she was the second wife, this is by no means ideal but this solves the problem of adultery.

Answer 7

I'm a muslim women, how I see it, Its not hard to be a muslim, just ppl looking in thinking its hard, lets look at it another way. How many men have affairs nowadays, they go around even if they're married and commit adultery, whats better? to know ur hubbys honest enuf to tell u and respects u and his second wife, many men just use women for their bodies and dump them, at least a proper muslim husband is obliged to fulfill his duty to both wives or he is answerable to his creator. With the rise of divorce due to the other woman, and the weak man who just cant commit himself to one woman, don't u think Islam provides a better solution to the problem in that each wife gets a right? It'd be worse to sleep with a man who spent the night with another women who he used for sex.

Answer 8

well im sure muslim women would rather their husband has 4 wives,than go behind their back & cheat..
i mean if a muslim man has 4 wives,then he has too treat all of them equally..thus the wife would know who the other 1's are..
it's better to have 4 wives,than a man going behind a womans back and cheating with frankly anyone for e.g could be the wife's best mate,or sister etc.etc..

Answer 9

Has anyone read the Bookseller of Kabul. I found the attitude to his wife by this well read and educated man depressing. However this is not because of a religion but because of a culture. Henry the 8th had a novel approach to wives as well as did Bill Clinton and many others in the West.

Perhaps Andrea Dworkin was right about men(joking)

Answer 10

It's weird that you ask this question. Though muslim man can marry up to 4 wives, majority do not practise them. As economy has it is.....1 wife is already enuf.

So having up to 4 wives is just a guidelines in any case they need or they want to marry more than 1 still they have to be able to afford it. To just marry 4 wives but you cant support them is a sin.

So it is not something muslim man do it out of leisure unless they are a billionaire.

Still by marrying 4 wives, a billionaire can become millionaire!!!