My husband and I have a very dear long term friend that has had 3 kids to a woman we really hate. Over the space of years she has constantly tried to stop us being friends and spending time with him. But more importantly, she's a terrible mother. When they were together, she never had food in her cupboards, always went to the pub and didn't supervise her kids properly. She's also deeply into heavy drugs. They broke up about a year ago, and she moved in with drug dealers. The house was recently raided and she went to court and was told by child services that she either attend rehab or lose her kids. Rather than doing the right thing, she has skipped states with the kids (our friend knows where she is, as do we) to avoid child services.
Do I dob her in? What would you do??
2007-05-04 18:42:37 · 13 answers · asked by kmlloveplant 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
When I say do her in, I mean contact child services and tell them where she is.
2007-05-04 18:51:31 · update #1
Opps, dob her in, not do her in. LOL
2007-05-04 18:52:32 · update #2
I would turn her in...not because you don't like her, but because there are children involved......they are the important issue here....you know where she is and the state of mind that she's in.....should anything happen to those children...could you live w/ yourselves? Of course, you couldn't! I have done this to a friend of mine, and I say friend because after she went through the steps she realized that what I was telling her was right! Naturally the children will get taken away, but if he is the biological father he will get them; as long as he is not in the same predicament as she and is "fit". Have him turn her in, the odds are better if he does....if he needs some convincing tell him.....It's not about her! It's about the safety and well-being of the children!
2007-05-04 18:52:16 · answer #1 · answered by abra_got_personality 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first question to ask yourself what/who is the most important thing you are worried about? I would say the children. They are odiously not in a good environment. I would call the police and the social services etc. Stay on the phone until she is caught and has to do what she needs to do to keep her children. What about the father? Does he want his children? Is he capable of taking care of them if she does go to jail or rehab? If he isn't is their anyone who can? You possible? There are some rehabs where the children are able to go with the parent. I really do not agree because all of the focus needs to be on the parent with the problem. By her being away from her children will give her more will power to get better....hopefully. How old are the children? You do know you can turn her in anonymously?!! That is what I would do the stupid ***** is selfish and needs to be in jail. She is lucky she got the option to go to rehab! Good luck do the right thing and even though you hate her and would love to see her in jail make sure you think of the kids first!
2007-05-04 18:51:15 · answer #2 · answered by starryc3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I would do is be supportive of whatever my friend's wishes are. You've stated that he knows where she is. If he hasn't taken the initiative to turn her in what makes you think he would appreciate you doing it.
Talk to him and see where he wants to go with this situation. Offer your loving advice but let him decide what to do. You are his friend and he needs your support right now. Doing something such as this could open a can of worms.
The kids could end up in the system. Your friend could be considered an unfit father because he KNEW the situation the children were living in. He didn't tip off the authorities for a reason.....
2007-05-04 18:51:06 · answer #3 · answered by Talkstress 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your friend who is the father of the children knows where she is then really if he cared about his kids he should have dobbed her in already! I find it hard to beleive that he would not give this information straight to the authorities to protect his own children! Lets hope neither of them get custody, she isnt fit if shes taking drugs and he isnt fit to look after them either if he has no qualms about his kids living with a drug addict!
2007-05-04 18:56:01 · answer #4 · answered by anna_matronic78 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure what the term "dob her in" is -- but if I get the gist of it, you are asking if you should snub her - ignore her? Or possibly something more overt.
Well, she is definitely not a "safe" person to be around, her life sounds like it's in a turmoil. But her relationship is with your friend more than with you. You friend has to make up his own mind about her.
If you are aware of her putting her children or others in danger, then you should report the incident to the authorities, otherwise, don't take it upon yourself to intervene. It's pointless and helps no one to get involved in another person's drama unless you are asked specifically for help in the matter and you are able to actually help the situation get better.
Other than that, move on, and don't let this woman's antics preoccupy you. If you have occasion to interact with her, be cordial but you don't have to be friendly to her just because you are friends with her man. You don't have to go out of your way to be negative to her for that reason either. Best to just stay as neutral about her as you can.
2007-05-04 18:49:32 · answer #5 · answered by EisforEverything 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a mother of 3 I have to say I would want you to tell me. There have many instances here in my area where kids have been hurt or killed during their sneak out time. Most recently just a couple of weekends ago a 15 yo snuck out of her house and met some boys who then went and sat on the roof of the local elementary school. She fell through the sky light and was killed. I know if my 10 yo told me my 13 yo was sneaking out and was planning on it again I would guard her confidance in me with all i had. Meaning I would not say how I knew. I would prob "catch" her doing it. Hopefully your parents could do the same thing. Maybe they "heard" something and it "woke" them up. I remember sneaking out of my house when I was younger and I thank God everytime I think of it that nothing bad ever happened. I totally respect you for caring enough for your sisters safety and wanting to stay true to her at the same time. Best of Luck to you! You have a good head on your shoulders and can only hope my daughters look out for each other the way you are looking out for your sister.
2016-05-21 00:00:18 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry but I live in the U.S. and don't know what "dob her in" means. If you mean report her to the authorities, then yes by all means. Those are his kids and they must be protected. He should be the one to do it. What is he waiting for?
The children's welfare is what matters, here.
.
2007-05-04 18:51:46 · answer #7 · answered by Jacob W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if she is getting off the drug thing then let it be. the kids may love her and don't want to lose her. let them take her to fix her. see if you can take the kids. so thy don't split up all over. and never see each other again ever. that's what good Friends are . thank you.
2007-05-04 18:53:15 · answer #8 · answered by freeman3905@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Turn her in . She chose her life her kids are the VICTIMS here. Think of the life they are having to live because she is selfish. Do the right thing ,do it for the KIDS
2007-05-04 18:50:00 · answer #9 · answered by cooljeff 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should dob her in but don't tell your friend. the children sound like they are the ones who need help & that is what you need to think about, would you want to be that child living in that situation, i know i wouldn't
2007-05-04 18:48:18 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋