My Mother In Law is need of serious help.?

Question

I have had problems with my MIL in the past interferring into my business, but now I feel I need to interject my opinion in something that she is doing. My MIL's mother was hospitalized with kidney failure and heart congestion about a month ago. She is doing a lot better thanks be to God. The problem is my MIL is 62 years old and likes to party. Tonight she called my husband up to watch his grandmother so she can get out and go partying. My husband is disabled and if anything were to happen to his grandmother (i.e. her falling out of bed, she need to go to the bathroom) he would not be able to help her or even lift her. My husband will not be able to call me if anything happed. We have a long distant number. I went to check up on them and his granny was very upset that her daughter had left her knowing that my husband was disabled and unable to really tend to her. She doesn't want me at the house we don't get along. What can we do to set my MIL straight about responsibilities

Answer 1

I had a similar problem with my MIL my first day home from a c-sect. She asked my husband if he would mind while he was at work, if she dropped off his extremely younger sister...so she could help me out. In other words, she wanted me to babysit and I could barely walk. Her excuse was that she had a doctors appt. So his sister was at my house for something like 8 hours and I had to feed her and watch after her plus try to care for my newborn and attempt not to do too much activity because I was still healing. My MIL comes over to pick up her daughter and goes on and on about how much fun she had at bingo (she had to cancel her dr's appt. Oops did she forget to tell me??)
Anyway, the only way to get your point across is basically be a b*tch about it. Tell her your opinion and refuse to help her when she asks. You and your husband are not there so she can pretend to be young again. Explain to her that if she misuses your kindness she will eventually regret. You may need to point out that if anything had happened there would have been nothing your husband could have done to help. Do your best to make her feel as bad as you can. Hopefully that will get the point across.
That's what we did and now not only does my MIL not ask any more favors from me or my husband but she just doesn't plain talk to me unless my husband is around to mediate. It's kind of nice.

Answer 2

You can't. She 62 and still parties like a 21 year old. You can't change that. She's lived that way for too long and it will only cause you misery if you try. I would put your dear grandmother in assisted living. This MIL does not need to be responsible over granny because what if something happens and she is too drunk or entertaining in bed to help her?

Call your local health department or your granny's doctor. They should be able to help you out.

Good luck to you. I also have the MIL and FIL from hell.

Answer 3

WOW. He needs to grow up, be a man, and like you pointed out, take control of his own payments instead of sending Momma a rent check every month. Are you even sure that your condo is even owned by your husband? It may be in your mil's name, which makes all of this a much different issue. The fact that you went ahead with the marriage knowing that he wasn't making those payments himself says something too. You're learning that marriage doesn't change a person--if they do something before you marry them, they'll do it after you marry them. What I'd want to do, if I were you, is move out and get your own place together. Get something where you're completely not dependent on his mother. That might be the simplest solution here. Just tell mom that you guys are going to start looking for a home together, one that the 2 of you decide on. However, you were wrong in telling off his mother--obviously you've realized that. In the future, let him handle all issues with his mother. He's her son, she'll take any critizism or bad news from him a heck of alot easier than she will from you. You do need to apologize to her, not for what you said, but the way you said it. You cannot force your husband to put you first, either he will or he won't. If he won't, and continues to cave in to whatever his mother wants, you've got your pattern for the rest of your marriage. You might want to consider marriage counseling for this as well--your husband needs to understand that right now there are 3 people in his marriage, you, him and his mother. Marriage is a 2 person event--period. A qualified therapist can give him some solutions to help cut off from his mother, not allow her to control him as much (she controls him because he allows her to), and to break away from her without seriously damaging their relationship.

Answer 4

OH my!! Sounds like what my MIL is going to be like at 62, cause she sure does like to party aswell!

Sounds like your MIL wants to go out with a bang! Other than an intervention, you, your hubby, the g-ma and any sibs your husband has I can't come up with anything. you all just need to sit down and tell her how her actions effect others... No offense but it sounds as if she is an alcoholic (all these med problems and she wants to go out bars) reasoning with an alcoholic is TREBIBLY HARD, usually what wakes them up is a serious reality check; but they have to get that on their own, so I wish you the best of luck. Hope atleast something I said helped.

Answer 5

you don't have the choice its a delicate thing happening now ,you can't change a thing cause her daughter is partying and your hubby is disable just go there with your hubby even though she don't want you in he house suppourt all her illtreats just for one night do it for your husband not for your granny. besides next time your mother in law comes from her party take your husband granny and mil just clear out thinks ,tell your mil that its true you don't like her to interfere in your private affaire and its not a reason going to party at the age she is and with her health problem better stay home.

Answer 6

If she is 62, then there is not much you can tell her. She may be going to party to relieve the stress of having an elderly disable mother. Everyone deserves to have a little fun. From past experience, I've learned to stay out of the in-laws problems. Let your husband take care of it.

Answer 7

MIL needs to be told "NO", especially if she wants someone to watch grandma that cannot take care of her properly.

Find some places that have "grandmother sitting" and point MIL in the right direction.

Answer 8

Your mother in law is 62 and your not going to change her. Have a home health aide come in and take care of granny. I am sure her insurance can pick up some of the bill. Your husband needs to tell his mother no and that's it.

Answer 9

The only way to "check" your suegra (mother in law) is to start cracking down on enabling her raunchy behavior. Refuse to care for granny and explain to her why. Your husband isn't the best caregiver because of his disability. I could name other reasons like: You have your own life. She is too old to be behaving in such a manner...

Yet I digress....

Get your husband to stand by you and refuse to watch granny. Then your suegra will have to stay at home.

Answer 10

Geez, and I thought my MIL was bad!

You have to set boundaries with this woman. If you guys watch grandma for her so she can go out and party, you're enabling her. Refuse to comply with her wishes until she stops partying and gets help.