My sister in law is making me crazy, any ideas?

Question

My mother in law passed away in January, when that happened my husband and I inherited his sister. She is mentally retarded and schitzophrenic, with paranoid delusions. I am really afraid that she is going to destroy my marriage. We have only been married for 2 1/2 years. I love him very much, but since he works 12 hours a day on midnights, and sleeps all day, he really doesn't have any idea how much work she is. She obsessess about everything, this week she is convinced she has a urinary tract infection, the doctor couldn't find anything wrong with her. Yet I have to hear about it every 10 minutes. She is 47 years old, but she acts like she is 12. My husband thinks I need to get a job, but he wouldn't get any sleep if I did. She wakes me up 4-5 times every night obsessing about some physical ailment that is not there.

Worse yet, mom never had her declared as a dependant adult, so we get no financial or medical help for her. We are now drowning in debt from her bills.

Please do not tell me that hubby needs to work less, that is not possible. We would never be able to pay the bills, and all of the overtime is mandatory at his job.

She is on a lot of medications, and has been to many doctors. But I can't convince my husband to have her declared incompetent, I think that a group home would be a great idea. He however is hung up on the fact that he promised his mother that he would take care of her.

Answer 1

Try to talk about this with a social worker in the hospital were you are bringing her. Maybe they can help you to see if she can get a evaluation. so she can have the help she need, and you can finally had you deserved brake.

Answer 2

try to take the focus off the marriage & put it on your sister in law. By that I mean, get a carer to come in 2 or 3 days a week to give you a break. Surely there is something that can be done about the financial situation, call a legal access line & just get some advice.
A councellor can help you manage it all & also might help hubby to realise the extent of the situation. Have you thought about returning to work yourself & have her placed in a carers home throughout the day or have one come to your house? Call around, there are so many services out there. Call the local intellectual disability hospital and or association to ask about getting some reccommendations or referals.

Answer 3

You have to get your husband involved in doing something to help . Sounds like he is putting this on your shoulders by suggesting you should get a job ( that would not be solution ) .I think you have to let him know that you don't believe you can stay with that relationship much longer if things don't change , that might wake him up . Above all , don't blame your sister-in law ( I'm not saying you are ) but just keep in mind she doesn't choose to be a burden . good luck , and God bless....ADDED having her declared incompetent would open alot of doors for her , access to programs that would give purpose to her life as well as contact with people trained in working with the mentally handicapped, I think it would create positive change in her life as well as giving you and your husband some time to spend together ( peace of mind )

Answer 4

Is she on any type of medication/treatment?
1] Get the doctor to have her evaluated, and treated.
2] Call social services - she should be eligible for social security since she is disabled- find all the records you can!
3] Keep a diary of when, why and how she wakes you so your husb will understand the depth of the problem
4] She may be eligible for a group home after treatment?

Answer 5

tell her she s 42 and she can handle her own problems is that doesn`t work get her a boy that is cute and will keep her mind off of you.