How do I respond to "forwards", emails that are offensive to me, while still being the bigger person?

Question

My in-laws are always forwarding things(e-mails) to me that really offend me.....I want to somehow say that I don't appreciate them even though they have a right to their opinion, free speech and all that, but some of them make me flat out sick..I don't want to lower myself to say what I REALLY want, but want them to stop and don't want to cause friction with my husband and his family. They are not funny (to me) in the least.

ok the delete thing is getting old..they are from a family member who wants a response...so I need something a little more creative than ignoring it; I want to be firm, but not nasty or the "bad guy".

I know a few of you wanted to know details or examples, and why I felt it neccesary to repsond to such emails and not ignore them. These emails are not your basic "forward";they contain racist and just hateful remarks about people and different backgrounds, cultures, etc. THAT is why I felt I needed to say something. I can tolerate annoying forwards with dumb cartoons. I WILL NOT tolerate ignorance when it is sent directly to me.

Answer 1

Don't respond.
Just make use of the "DELETE" button.

**EDIT** Thank them for thinking of you, but tell them you really don't have time to read those kinds of emails.
No need to jump on the "I'm offended" bandwagon, if you are trying to keep the peace. Just remember that your opinion is probably equally offensive to them, so pick discussion topics that focus on what you can all agree on. Peace is more important than defending your sensitivities.

Thank them for thinking enough of you to include you in the email group.
Tell them you are too busy to read such long emails.
Delete the emails.
When they ask for a response, say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't get to read that one."

Good luck!

**EDIT** Oh, for racist stuff... from the in-laws, if you want to keep the peace, then I'd tell them matter-of-factly (as opposed to self-righteously), "Oh, I just don't find that funny. So, I'm just deleting those as they come."

The thing is, this WILL probably lead to a "discussion" with your in-laws... this might be your opportunity to enlighten them... just be respectful while you stand your ground.

Answer 2

I was really interested to read what others have to say in this matter since I have a similar situation that I haven't been able to resolve completely.
Thankfully, it's not in laws who are causing me grief but it is a very good friend. I've worked into past conversations that chain emails and "humor" have no appeal to me (but didn't name him as an offending party). Thought he'd get the hint but he didn't. I tried the "I love to get personal messages from you, but please don't FWD me things - they hog up too much space at my mail account" and he STILL persisted. Finally, I was reduced to telling a lie. Because he is not tech savvy at all, I was able to bluff and say I'd been having weird glitches with my email account that I thought were started by someone who got my address off a long FWD header. As a consequence, I continued, I have set up filters so that any FWD message goes to spam and is deleted instantly. That worked somewhat, though I do still get messages that were clearly once a mass FWD but are now sent to me cut & pasted into a new email.
Is there no way to stop these people? The emails aren't usually offensive in content, but I never find them funny or have interest in the subject. And they almost always include some enormous attachment. I really have considered telling him that I no longer have a home computer & that he can't send me such things at work because my emails there are monitored.
(Sorry to not really answer the question you asked, but I wanted to give my experience & see if others had a fool proof solution.)

Answer 3

Two options:

1. Next time they forward something they think is funny and you think is offensive, reply back that you like to hear from them, but you prefer to use your email only for actual corrospondance, instead of sifting through forwards. They could still take offense to that, but it's less likely they'd take offense to that than it is if you said "I think your sense of humor is degrading and offensive." If you don't want to do that, you could also set up a new email account and give that email address to your in-laws, telling them it's especially for forwards, so your main email stays uncluttered. Then don't check that address.

2. Most forwards make themselves pretty known in the subject line, by starting out with "FW", showing up as an attachment, or having odd subject lines that would not likely be on a personal email actually by them. You can delete them without ever opening them.


EDIT: They don't need a response. If you feel they do, just cut back on the number of them you open and reply to. But most people don't care if they don't get a response to a forward.

EDIT AGAIN: Do you have kids? If they're sending pictures that are offensive, tell them you don't want your kids to walk up while an offensive picture is on the computer screen. Most adults, even ones with a questionable sense of humor, would agree that some stuff they think is funny should not be seen by small children.

Answer 4

Unfortunately these are coming from your in-laws, so I have to go with the delete answer. Here is a suggestion though if they ask what you thought of a particular email you can reply it was deleted before you had a chance to read it. And, after they recieve this message a few times they may catch on without you having to be offensive. The most wonderful man in the world can come with some not so wonderful family. Good luck.......
Peace be with you.

Answer 5

I find that I usually get those violation notices after I send a question to voting. I think 1, 3 and 4(religious zealots who think they are doing God's work on Earth) It could not be 2, because I am not at all friendly. Note, I am not talking about the ones I post that could be thought of as offensive, just those that are not offensive.

Answer 6

Do you mean that your relative sends emails that say that you have to return it (as part of the forward), or is he saying in his own words: "Why don't you answer them??"

All those forwards always say "you have to send this back or else you will die tomorrow", or something stupid like that.

Seriously, delete them. If he asks why you don't answer them, just say you don't have time.

Listen, I have told all my family members that I HATE those stupid email forwards, but they still send them. They just think you will get a kick out of them.

If I see the little paperclip thingy on an attachment, it says "FWD FWD:FWd:FWD:" and has more than 30 kb of data, I delete it before even bothering to open it.

Now I have a friend who keeps sending me these fwd emails with semi naked men who obviously were posing for a gay men's magazine. So offensive to me. I have a husband and have no interest in guys with long blonde hair, basking in the sun. I delete.

People send those in fun, and shouldn't feel one milligram of friction if you don't respond. They'll get over it. It isn't worth the stress in your life to worry about what they think.

Answer 7

Just state to them to please not send you forwards like that anymore, it is something that does not amuse you.

Or just use the delete button, since you don't want to cause friction within the family that would be the best bet.

I've dealt with that too, I'd get a forward about something totally untrue but don't want to tell them I'm offended, I just skim and delete and brush it off.

I WILL debunk stuff that I can find on snopes though... I get a ton of them.

Edit: Just say you are too busy to respond.

What are some examples?

Answer 8

I do understand! If they are just forwards, why do they need a reply? Maybe you could just send it back to them with no response. Does your husband think that they're funny? Maybe he could tell them that you are both offended by them. You could also get a new email address and not give it to the in-laws. Yes, this is a hassle, but maybe it would save you some grief.

Answer 9

What is the problem??!!!
If you're "tired" of just deleting them then just speak up and tell them you're not interested in getting those kinds of email. You don't have to make a big deal about it. The next time you get one, reply and say " Thanks for thinking of me. But I really would prefer it if you don't forward jokes of a racial nature to me. I really don't like them.
If expressing your OWN opinion is going to cause friction in the family then you have much bigger problems than their offensive jokes.

Your husband should step in and speak to his family. He should explain to them that you do not want to receive those types of emails anymore. period. it doesn't require any other explanation. They will have to get over it.

set up a different email address and give them that one. Then just don't check it.

Answer 10

I agree, ignore and delete. If they push for a response say you found the item offensive and/or insulting and not deserving of comment. I'm sorry...but if they are THAT crude, they deserve it. If you can't do that, then just ignore them and let them continue to ask for responses. I think the expression is "blow them off".
Why do some (nice) people feel they ALWAYS have to be so nice....it isn't constructive. haha Good luck.