Am I being selfish for getting mad at my sister and brother for the things they do?

Question

My mom died when I was 18, my sister was 15 and my brother was 7.I decided that we shouldn't be seperated so I looked after my sister and brother.Well now my sister has two daughters and I have four children of my own, and my sister is now in jail and I took her girls. She makes me mad because all she do is write and call asking me about money.I send it to her but only when I got it. Not to mention I just paid a debt that she put me in because I didn't want her to get in trouble more than what she is and I know she miss and loves her kids. All she do is complain and get mad at me.Then my brother makes me mad because of the fact he will be 18 very soon and all he do is lay around the house and not help clean up, he gets mad when I get mad at him for being lazy, and he eats more than anyone in the house.I told him he has 90 days after his 18th b-day to get things in order or he has to find some place to live. I love them but I am tired for being the blame of their problems. Am I'm wrong?

Answer 1

Well dear one, I would say you have taken on a brave role of Parent. God Bless you for that. Your Love is so great.
When you are Parent, you have to be strong and do what you can with the knowledge you have. Some times it's just winging it, on a wing and a prayer. You are to be commended on your trying to hold your family together. What you told your brother is not wrong. He needs to chip in and help you. He is taking the easy road and acting like the world owes him a living. Some times you have to give tough love so people can help themselves to grow up and take responsibility. You have to lay down the rules of the house and enforce them. This isn't easy when you want to Love people but have to be a strict old meany,(Child yourself) Mommy. You have to grow up real quick and take on all the burden of raising people. Giving people a choice works real well. make the choice for them , more difficult than the choice you want them to do. Most always they will seek the easiest, your way. You are not helping them or yourself by allowing them to be misfits of slobs using you and sponging off of you and your good nature. No you should not feel bad!!!
Rev. TomCat

Answer 2

What is happening here is that they have forgotten that you are not their mother because that is the role you took on for yourself in their lives. The fact is they are now treating you with the same disrespect a lot of teenagers show their parents.

It is now time for both of them to experience a little tough love from you. Make them responsible for their own choices and face some consequences, they will learn nothing in life if you don't. You are not wrong - don't send your sister money unless she truly needs it, and yes she might love and miss her children but she did what she did to start with.

Its time they learned to appreciate you and you know the old saying about not realising what you have until you don't have it? Its also time that you have a good life for yourself and put yourself and your children first, not last.

There are two ways of doing things in this life, the easy way and the hard way. They have had the easy way with you, now give them the other experience.

Answer 3

No, you are not wrong, if things are exactly the way you describe them then you've been really good to them, I think you should seriously get some counseling, I don't know if you will be able to do it but you need to make a life plan and a little help from a professional would be invaluable, you need to describe what you want to do and how you'll accomplish everything, you need to help your kids and probably your sister's kids and you don't need your brother and sister behaving like big babies because you didn't send money or you don't want them to live in your house for free, they are adults, they lost their mom when they were kids but so did you, it's time for everybody to grow up.

But you need to make a life plan that doesn't include sending money to your sister or worrying over them, you need to define exactly what you need, what you want for you and your kids and how you'll accomplish those things. Take care.

Answer 4

No, they are old enough to make their own decisions now. They are adults and your sister has chose the path she took when there were many other paths to take. She cannot blame anyone else but herself. I would not send her money as you are already taking care of her children and have done enough for her. She can earn money in prison by doing jobs there.

As far as your brother is concerned, he is old enough and you are doing the right thing, or he will continue to mooch off of you. You stand up as you are now, he will respect you later for it. Sure he will be mad, because he is won't have it made anymore. He will have to work and make a living and get his own place.

I am sorry about your mother. You probably did the best you could do under the circumstances and they should respect you and get their lives under control. You can be there to listen if they need to talk. You do not have to let them have money. Your brother has to initiate getting a job and a place to live. He doesn't respect you even though you have done so much for him already. He cannot pick up after himself or help around the house, etc... You are doing the right thing. You cannot make him choose the right path. You can encourage them and be there for them, but you are not responsible for them as they choose the path to take.

Best wishes to you. My prayers are for you and your neices and your children. Also for your siblings that they get their lives back on the right track. Hugs to you.

Answer 5

Yoww bro..
should i answer that you was wrong?
even though that i say that you was wrong, is good something will happened? just stop blame yourself and the other..
the things you should do is find ''SOLUTION''.... ^_^

FIRST: your sister
is she still in jail? can you get her out? cause her daughter needs her. even though that she always asking you about money, DON"T EVER GIVE HER...!!!
if you really2 want to HELP her, don't give money, BUT give her JOB...... and helping her to manage her money.
just let her complain or mad with you, cause the things you do is for her goodness. try to calm down when u pass through a bad situation.

SECOND: your brother
Remember CALM DOWN....
take an easy, just take a little breath when you talk to him.
don't make him mad. and then the things you must do:
tell him that he not a kid anymore, right now he has a responsibility to himself. at least he cleans up his bedroom first, and automaticly try to help clean up the house.
try to say that you need his help. and use the 'PLEASE' word.
person will being lazy when there is nothing to do..
let him do some exercises. make him has a good activity.

you may try that, wish you luck.
be wisdom.
have a nice day, fren..

Answer 6

No you are not wrong no one wants to be used or abused. Tell your Brother to grow up he is almost an adult and if he can't help around the house than what will he do when he has own place and your sister needs to realise that you are caring for her kids and that cost a lot of money so stop sending her money and stuff

Answer 7

You took on a very big responsibility when you took on taking care of you siblings. Are you all by yourself? Do you have a husband who helps you? What about your dad you don't mention him. I don't think you are wrong for being angry at you siblings, you have a whole bunch of kids to support now between you and your sister and it doesn't sound like you are getting any help from anyone else. Your sister should not be asking you for money, you are supporting her kids! That is more than enouph. Stop babying them. They will never grow up if you are always there to dig them out of their troubles.

Answer 8

The way you're describing, no way in hell, you'll be at fault.
I understand you perfectly. I had been in the same situation and i know how frustrating it is to put the guilt on you, when all you do is/has been helping your family. Specially your brother, he truly is a lazy kid and 3 months is more than fare. If by this time he doesn't contribute to change the situation, he should be out of your place in order to face the reality. Don't forget, you have your own life too. God bless.

Answer 9

No your not wrong, its perfectly fine. My uncle went to prison for selling and using cocaine. When the first time happened, my parents bailed him out. The second time he got put in again and once more they bailed him out. Recently about a month ago he got arrested once more, but this time my parents decided not to put their money down to let him out. My aunt got mad, but they got mad at her and my uncle because they keep putting money to get him out and doesnt want to better himself, they've finally figured out that bailing him is just the same as giving it to him personally to go and buy the drug. Instead of giving money to ur sister use that money into putting it in her kids or your kids college fund. And for your brother, its is also all right, my 18 and soon to be 20 year old cuzins are like that too. My other uncle has finally told to move out since they don't want to help around the house, or find and job and help pay the bills. Have your brother find a job and help you out with the bills, groceries, or whatever else., if you find it to hard to kick him out. Your not wrong trust me, this has happened a lot in my family.

Answer 10

You are not being selfish when you expect your brother and sister to take responsibility for themselves. Why are you sending your sister money while she's in jail? Stop!

Your brother is a man and should be working or going to school. As long as you allow him to continue lazing around the house and mooching off of you, he will do so. You are rewarding that kind of behavior by continuing to support him. Kick him out.

It's one thing to help someone help themselves. But that is not what you are doing. You are allowing your brother and sister to use you. Stop doing it.