how do you deal with a mother that is self-centered?

Question

conversations with my mom always turn to her, no matter how serious my issue is. she'll just say, "um hmm" when i say something and it ends up focused on her. it's as if she's spent her adult life taking care of me and my brother and now it's all about her no matter what. it is so annoying and i want to say something so bad, but she'll take it the wrong way. i love and appreciate her. and she does things a mom should do, but i just cannot shake this irritating feeling.

Answer 1

It's possible your Mom isn't aware that she's doing what you describe. Try using the mirror effect on her to see if that helps. When she says "um hmm" and begins to talk about herself, you respond by saying "um hmm" and go back to what you were talking about. Do it exactly like she does it.

When she says something about it, tell her you don't mean to be rude but you wanted to make her aware that you feel like she's not listening. It's important to say you "feel like" she's not listening as opposed to "you don't listen". That way you're not accusing her of anything just describing your feelings to her.

Hopefully this will help. At the very least it should open up a door for conversation about listening to each other. Don't be surprised if she has some comments on your listening skills. Be open to the possibility that you may be doing something that annoys her. If you approach it in a respectful, helpful way you may be able to work things out and become even closer.

Answer 2

My mom is the same way and people think I am awful when I say this but I can't stand her. No matter what it is its always about her. She has never cared anything about me or what I go through so I just don't assotiate with her and when she calls I rarley ever answer the phone. Its better this way be cause I'd kill her if we had anymore communication than this. Let me explain. alittle. She only really calls when she wants something. Money a ride ect. Theres nothing wrong with her but lazy and I would even over look that and did untill my dad died. She'd call me crying and going on and I got fed up because she treated my dad like **** and when he died her pitty me phone call to someone she never talks to was more important than his last breathe. So I finally told her what I really thought of her and she replied that all of it was my fault because I killed him when I told them to take him off the machines as he asked. I would have killed her that day if it weren't for my x husband. So I just don't fool with her some say I will regret it when she's gone but what they don't realize my mom left me along time ago. She was so self centered she was more worried about her income and selling his stuff before he died to make ends meet as she says and now she sells other thing.
Why to by things she doensn't need like new curtains and bedding and lamps.

Answer 3

nicely coming from the same subject all you may want to do is this. discover humor contained in the nasty issues she says. snort even even as that is not humorous. this may piss her off extra and also you may seem as if strawberry shortcake. she will be in a position of seem as if a recommend bit** to her son. also take her to the side and perchance attempt to confirm why she is so nasty. This not often works yet in some circumstances. If she is only nasty to then you the perfect element is to be effective. through having sucked in to it you'll come out the loser and seem undesirable doing it . All this coming from someone who has effectively saved there mouth close for 9 years. I now imagine it really is hilarious to piss her off on objective. It develop into very demanding in the starting up. Crying continuously suggested yet now it really is interesting to computer screen her bypass ballistic. solid success

Answer 4

Ther best way is to grow up and move out.... till then your stuck with her

Answer 5

Tell her up front how terrible this makes you feel. Maybe she doesn't realize it.