Sleep Help With Abused Child!?

Question

OK, so I know a girl that was abused by both her parents her whole life. She is 14 now and it got so bad that she ended up in the hospital. She told child protect services and the hospital about the abuse recently. Her parents abused her physically, verbally, and emotionally and her dad also abused her sexually. Some of the things her mother said to her caused her to become anorexic. She has been in the hospital for 3 months because of what her parents did to her. A few weeks ago we found out that she had cancer and she had her first chemo a few days ago. She is really tired but can't sleep because she gets bad dreams about her parents and she is afraid that her parents are going to come and "get her" while she is sleeping. Right now I am taking care of her and am working on adopting her(I'm in my late 40's). She really needs to get some rest but I can't get her to sleep. What should I do? Usually I tell her a story and then sleep in bed with her and talk to her until she falls....

...asleep but today thats not really working. Right now I just told her to close her eyes and think of something happy but she is moving around a lot and not really sleeping. She really needs to sleep because she is very weak and dosn't have a lot of energy and needs to rest to get better. The doctors can't give her medicine to make her sleep because it is too much for her tiny body to handle. What is a good way to get her to sleep? Usally when I put her to sleep she starts screaming and crying and I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

Well, there's some good advice up already, but some of it is more long-term. Some of the things that helped my younger son sleep when he had problems and night terrors included having stuffed animals to fight off nightmares for him (he ended up with several stuffed Shamu Killer Whales that adopted him into their pod, slept with him, and would attack any monsters that tried to come into his room). He also really appreciated being read to until he dozed off; sometimes if the reading was done and he wasn't sleepy enough yet we would have question time, when he could ask any question he wanted and I would answer. Often, the long, quiet, calm answers would put him right out. My older boy uses music, like I used to. Quiet, soothing, repetitive music can really help calm the mind and ease you off to sleep. Irrational terrors are hard to fight; no matter how often you tell her that nobody is in the house, and nobody can get to her, she will not easily be convinced - that just takes time. If it's possible, perhaps the best thing you could do is just to spend all night each night in her room with her for as long as you need to. Sleep on a cot or sit up in a chair near the bed, or whatever works. I wouldn't sleep in the bed with her, as it might disturb her too much, but having you nearby would very likely be a huge help to her at night, especially if you can manage to wake up when she needs to talk with you. I wouldn't try to force her onto any schedule - let her settle down as she can; she's had too much disruption in her life as it is. I'm assuming you've had children already - I would expect this to be about the same as having a newborn in terms of screwed up sleep/wake time and adjustment to a new situation. I suspect you'll need to be extraordinarily patient and have an endless supply of calm voice and gentle touch. Good Luck!

Answer 2

I am fifteen and unfortunately, I don't have an answer for you but that is the saddest story I have ever heard. To have dealt with such abusive parents and THEN have to deal with cancer, is such a sad, sad fate. I will pray for her, but also God bless you for taking care of her.

Just a random thought, can you ask her doctor about meds that would help her sleep? I don't know what would interact with chemo drugs, but, there might be some kind of medicine that could help. Also, the scent of lavender is really beneficial.

This sounds crazy, but, a few years ago I was into a whole metaphysical phase and I put amethyst in a small bowl of water. As the water evaporated, it is supposed to bring sleep-inducing properties into the air. Perhaps the thought that it makes you sleep works more than the actual amethsyt, but it helped me when I couldn't fall asleep.

Once again, God bless both of you. You're in my prayers.

Answer 3

This child needs to see a professional on a daily or (at the very least) weekly basis for talk therapy and possibly medication. Children are fortunately resilient... but of course this does not mean anything is going to be easy. I would fill her surroundings with as much happiness as possible. Cheery colors and cheery music, even cheery smells. Maybe some music (instrumental - no words) would be great when trying to fall asleep - a white noise machine might keep her asleep. Also, maybe get her a pet (a cat or kitten, dog or puppy or even a small rabbit, gerbil, fish, etc). You can adopt a pet from the local shelter or from a rescue. Look at petfinder.com. The reason for suggesting the pet adoption? I feel that when a person needs to take care of an animal (or another human) it makes their lives feel fulfilled and important - and it makes a person feel capable. I feel that for a fourteen year old this could be great. It could help take her mind off of all of the bad things she has endured and give her a feeling of hope and importance. The pet might help to feel a sense of security at night if it's with her in her room. Also, taking care of a pet can help her to realize that she is in control of herself and she has the ability to care and be cared for in return.

I realize you have a lot on your plate taking care of a child with special needs - but I really think a pet could be a great deterrent... and that she needs to have talk therapy.

Answer 4

As a clinical therapist, my heart goes out to you and your willingness to "stand in the gap" for this 14 year old child. I definately agree that professional help is indicated, and you can actually search for a psychologist or another licensed clinical therapist/professional counselor who focuses on trauma/abuse survivors...perhaps following her anorexia treatment you may have received some good referrals. If not, I would contact the hospital and request a list of outpatient therapists who specialize in this area. Medication may be warranted on a short-term basis to help her get immediate sleep, which is important, while therapy will address the re-experiencing of her past abuse. Also, you may look into EMDR as a possible treatment that may provide benefit. You may ask a therapist if this might be an option to explore in her particular place. God bless.

Answer 5

first of all MRB you are a total jerk. If you knew anything about what sexual abuse does to a person you wouldnt be so cruel. I am a victim of sexual abuse, when i was 3 to 10 years old an uncle of mine abused me and i completely understand how she feels. i was always afraid of him coming and getting me. My best advice to you is just continue to reassure her that she is protected by you, and that you love her and that no one will hurt her again. All the years that she went through this have hurt her so deeply that it will take her a while to truly trust you and understand that she is going to be ok, but as long as you are there for her, she will be ok. I would reccommend that you play soothing music, I suggest christian, just because i know it is very peaceful. If you have to leave a light on for her do that also. but just love her and she will be set free from that pain eventually. I hope that you can be strong for her and tell her that she is an amazing young woman that this doesnt make her a bad person and that she has nothing to be ashamed of.

Answer 6

I'm sure you know there's no easy answer, and right now therapy would probably be too overwhelming given her medical conditions. Does she have a special teddy bear, or some kind of security device?? That might help so she can hold onto it when she is scared. I thought maybe an angel pendant to help her remember that she has angels watching over her that are going to protect her. I feel so much for what she is going through, and am glad that you are there for her.

Answer 7

Would it help if you left a light on in her room?
Try to put a lock on her door one that requires a real key like a house key which only you and her have a copy of?
Walk through the house with her before bed time showing all the windows and doors are locked.. let her test them so she is sure they are locked up too.
Try a cot for you on her bedroom floor, so she knows you are close by should something happen.
Get her a puppy or kitten sometimes these little animals help you feel calm.

Good Luck to you!!

Answer 8

Ask the doctors about sedative options that won't react to her other treatments.

Insomnia is a dangerous thing, I'm helping a friend get treatment for it right now too. Without sleep a persons body can't fight even a cold and their mind is open to a lot of other conditions.

Best wishes to you and your young friend. I know it's tough, but people like you make all the difference.

Answer 9

God Bless you for being the Angel she needed. With all things, only time can erase some of the hurt but it is the memories that linger the longest. I think the story telling and talking until she falls asleep is the best way to influence dreams, talk of sandy beaches, amusement parks, green meadows, lilly fields and place posters or a poster of a beautiful sky or meadow right where it would be the first thing she sees in the morning and the last thing at night, this is the power of suggestion. I will keep you guys in prayer. God Bless.

Answer 10

There are CD'S that have the sound of water falls, or the rain forest, crashing waves, etc, that can help her to relax. Get her a special stuffed animal something big and fluffy. Also placing a journal beside her bed can help too. When she gets scared she can sit and journal for a while until she calms down. These are things that use to work for me and if she sticks with it I promise it will work for her too. Prayer is important so maybe before she goes to sleep you can pray with her and ask God to keep her in his care throughout the night. I hope I have helped and please try the journal thing............It's a great therapy! May God Bless You and this little Girl.