How can I cope with my mother in law honing in on my pregnancy?

Question

My Mother in law, while very generous and loving, is also bothersome because she tries to get too involved with my pregnancy and acts like this baby will be in her care as much as mine, which is not true, as I will be a full time Mom. It bothers me because I've looked forward to being a mom my whole life and it feels like she is trying to hone in on my experience. She calls it "her baby". She talks like she needs an extra of everything for herself (a nursery in her house, a car seat base for her car etc.) She has bought almost everything we will need for the baby, which I am grateful for, but also annoyed at because I wanted to do some shopping too. She calls me daily to ask how "her baby" is and then goes on an on about what a great Mom she was and how wonderful it will be to take care of my baby. Then she gets kind of kooky and talks like my unborn baby tells her things (she's joking but it's annoying), making it sound like she knows my baby better than me. How do I deal?

Answer 1

Just be grateful that she cares for you and the baby she is not unusual and if you are ever stuck she will be the first to help you When she comes next give her a hug and join in the fun stuff about what baby is saying etc I wish my mother in law had paid for a lot of the children's things that we had to buy over he years. You will see what I mean I hope you have a Wonderful time with your children we did with our four . You are giving your Mother in law a gift of the most wonderful thing a mother can do to bring a baby in to this world . bless you.

Answer 2

She's excited obviously. Is this her first grandchild? How solid of a relationship does she have with your husband?

Maybe you can talk with your husband about this. Just tell him all her talk is overwhelming. If you are a first time mother, you need to keep things peaceful. Tell him if this is how she is now, what will happen when you go into labor?

The last thing an expectant mother needs is a mother-in-law running the show at delivery time.
Maybe you could approach her together. Do show appreciation for all her concern and thoughtfulness, but you need to keep things low key for your own sake.

Hopefully she isn't really trying to overtake your life in this regard. Just reassure her that even though she will be a great grandma, you need lots of private time for you and your husband to get used to being parents, Thank her for respecting your wishes for any decsions you two make about the baby.

And don't let her forwardness get you down, you have enough to do.

Answer 3

Be glad that your mother-n-law cares. My husbands mother lives ten minutes away and my daughter is three and she is scared of her when she comes to visit. My daughter has only seen her once since Christmas. I see this as partly our fault but my husband only talks to his mom when she wants something. She can call my house and she will not even mention my daughter. My mom on the other hands sees my daughter about everyday or talks to her on the phone. She has a car seat in her car and a room at her house. I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant with a little girl and know that she will be loved by my mom just as much as the first.

Answer 4

For now I would just leave it be. It doesn't hurt anyone if she has an extra set of things.

Then once the baby is here you set reasonable limits on how much time she (and everyone else) spends with your baby. And you learn the phrase "Because I am the baby's mom, and I said so. If you don't treat me with respect in front of my child then you won't be seeing him/her very often."

Answer 5

I'd say just flat-out tell her how you feel. Honesty is the best policy, you know? If you let her know that her actions and words make you feel inferior as a mother, hopefully she will have the decency to feel ashamed and apologize.

I'm sure she is just excited to be a grandma, but this is your child! Put up some boundaries now and it will be much easier once your child is born.

Answer 6

Try talking to her and let her know how you feel. Remind her that she has already raised hers and now it's time for you to raise yours. Let her know if you need advice that you will come to her for it. And then in a couple days call her and ask her some type of question concerning the baby so she will see that you are legit about what you said.

Answer 7

I'll just bet this is her first Grandchild, and she is as excited about this baby as you are. Think about it you and Daddy want to go away for a weekend what better place for the little one then at Grandmas. I imagine it won't cost a dime and if her house is set up for a little one, you don't have to lug all that stuff. give her a break, she is the Mother of your Husband.

Answer 8

it's her grandchild, she's probably just excited, hopefully after the baby is born she'll calm down a bit, if not, tell her. my mom and my mother in law called my kids their baby. they know whose baby it is, I think it's the idea of their baby having a baby, hopefully it gets better.

Answer 9

its normal alot of inlaws are like that so is your own mother no doubt but you feel more comfortable with here because its your mum tell ya hubby to tell his mum to back off ok its your time you do what you like dont let any body get in ya way because you only have this time for so little i wish you luck just be truthful ok goodluck

Answer 10

She's happy, be grateful! So what if she's a little hokey about it? Let the woman be happy about the birth of her grandchild. It doesn't make you any less of a mom. In fact, it will be helpful to you when she is available to babysit. I wish I had that kind of help.