If I plan a baby shower for my daughter-in-law at my home, should her mother decide how much money to spend?

Question

My daughter-in-law's mom wants to decide everything regarding her daughter's shower even if it's being held at my home. Is this fair? I am on a very strict budget and the mother wants to spend way more than I do. I'd rather spend money on a gift for the baby and stick to a tight budget for the shower. Is this fair? Shouold I have to share expenses for the baby shower if the other mother is making all the decisions?

Answer 1

One suggestion:Just ask if she would like to split the cost, but you can't go over $xx. That gives her the option to spend more than what her share would be, or not.
Though Mother's usually do not give showers for daughter's, it isn't polite, this might be in your best interests.
Or, ask her to do certain things, that she feels is not enough. Not enough food? Ask her to bring a dish. Not enough decorations? Tell her where you got the ones you have bought. She wants more games and prizes? You get the picture.
You don't have to be mean, just say, "oh, do you really think we should have 2 dozen deviled eggs? Mary, I've run out of time and money, would you like to bring them?" Either she will jump at the chance, or it will shush her up.
You are the hostess, it is your house, you get the final say on everything, including the guest list.
And yes, everyone wants a shower dripping with decorations, elegant food, just the right presents,[think Celine Dion's wedding] but it is not reasonable, unless Bill Gates is your Dad.
Congrats to your daughter-in-law.

Answer 2

If you are hosting the shower, it's your budget, your house, your decision.

It's in poor taste to throw a shower for yourself, so the DIL's mother is wrong, as she should not be throwing a shower for her own daughter, leave alone make the decisions in some else's home and budget.

She should attend as a guest and as a guest only. If she chooses to have a shower for her daughter on her own, that would ba a terrible etiquette faux pas. Leave alne, being rude trying to interfere with your plans.

Probably she means well, but certainly, she needs to learn some social skills.

Answer 3

You don't have to do anything at all.

I'd take a look at the budget and see where money could be saved and try to make it work. Failing that, I would say to the woman: "I wanted to talk about the cost of the baby shower. I think the budget is getting out of control. I only want to spend $X. How do you think we can do this within that budget?"

That gives her a chance to be reasonable. If she decides to be unreasonable and say "no - this is how I want it," then you are within your rights to say, "O.k. that sounds great, and you can do that if you want to, but I am only paying for $X."

No need to have any "tones" or snottiness or apologetic/embarrassment issues. Just say it strong and clear and polite. There's no offense here -- it just is what it is.

She can b!tch if she wants to, but what's she going to b!tch about? She thinks she can dictate the amount of money you spend?

Right now, however, she is just doing a bunch of planning and you haven't balked yet. So, she figures you're on board with it.

The key here is to be clear, direct and unequivocal. 9 times out of 10 she'll meet you 1/2 way somehow. And, if sh'es p!ssed - who cares? You did nothing wrong. NEVER BE APOLOGETIC WHEN YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!

Answer 4

Your budget for the shower should not be augmented to fit Mrs. Spend-a-Lot's taste.

She sounds pushy so you need to stand up to her and say something like,"I'm sorry but we didn't budget for that." or "We've already made arrangements for so and so, but I would like you to get decorations, pick up the cake, etc." Send that woman shopping since she likes to spend money! I sure would.

I think you are trying to reasonable and she's going out of her way to overstep her bounds. If she wanted total control of it, she should have had it at her house. Good grief I hope you have some xanax at your disposal....

I have kids, and I'd rather have useful gifts for my newborn than a lavish shower any day!

Answer 5

You are going to be sharing a grandchild, starting off resenting her isn't going to help things along later.
Ask her if she'd like to co-host with you, since she has so many great ideas that are out of your budget for the party.
Then tell her to call people for the extras she wants and of course, she can pay for them too.
Don't get bent out of shape, there are always people with more money than you, unless you are Mrs. Bill Gates. Let her spend it if she wants. But you stick to your budget.
When I have to deal with things like this I like to step back a bit and say to myself, "In a hundred years it just won't matter"
Let her pay for what she wants, both of you enjoy yourselves, and remember that the important thing is the new life coming into your family, not if theres shrimp or hot dogs at the shower.

Answer 6

Of course her mother should not decide how much to spend. OMG, what kind of control freak is this woman. Just have the shower the way you want. If she wants to add other things then you have to decide whether to say no or say yes and let her pay for them.

Answer 7

Just tell her how much you can afford to spend on the shower. Make sure that she knows that you can only spend a certain amount, and you would like to put as much of that into the gift as possible. Tell her that after buying the gift, you only have $________ left to spend.

Answer 8

No, actually it isn't fair. If Mommy wants to dictate what goes on at a shower for her daughter, than she should have one of her own. As it stands, just tell her that you appreciate her suggestions, but you are already committed to your plans and they can't be changed.

Answer 9

If you are planning the shower the budget is up to you. If she wants to help with specific things just let her do them but it should come out of her wallet.

Answer 10

If you are giving this shower in your home, well guess what, you are the host and it is your gift to your daughter in law.