hmm, Okay this is odd cause my fiance is more educated then me - thus has more degrees under her name as appose to I, which makes me feel like I am not the bread winner in the family.
Don't get me wrong, I am proud of her accomplishments, however I do wish to be the Man of the house. Its just not like that..
I did my Bacelors in Business and o did she, after which I did a MBA. She has done an MBA from a decent place, and also done an MSc from one of the top 10 business colleges in the world. I am actually jealous - a little bit that she has done more, so she gets paid more, and I don't feel that important.
Recently she came home at 2am... she was at work, I got back at 9 and waited for her to come - so that we could eat. I ate dinner alone, and she came back and didn't even ask abt me cause she said she presumed I ate, I did not eat...
I don't know what to do, or say..... I do not even know how to talk 2 her abt this and what to do.....
please advice, and what do u think?
2007-05-04 07:30:35 · 16 answers · asked by Ryan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
By that I mean I ate a piece of leftover lunch from the fridge - thats what I called dinner - cause I got hungry.
I did not eat the actual dinner that I cooked - The meatloaf
2007-05-04 08:07:24 · update #1
Okay, you're going to HAVE to talk to her about this.
First, her being educated and earning a good living, bringing in a bigger paycheck, does not stop you from being the "man of the house" unless in addition to several degrees under her belt, she also got a penis. You're still the man. Calm yourself.
Second, if you wish to be the man of the house, act like a man, instead of an insecure little girl. The paychecks mean nothing, it doesn't mean you can't be the leader in the household or that you have to defer to her on everything. And she got herself dinner because it is a reasonable assumption to make that you would have eaten at a reasonable hour when you got hungry. If my son, who is five years old, is hungry at lunch time and I am not forthcoming with a sandwich, he will fix it himself. It sounds to me like you're playing games, and that's not the best way to start out a marriage.
I'm sorry, I'm having some fun at your expense, and that's not nice. But honestly, there are some things worth getting upset about, and this is NOT one of those things. Especially since there isn't really a good way to "fix" the situation, other than you just trying to get over it... The other option is to want her to accomplish less, which is really unfair to her, especially if she's not putting forth any suggestions that she feels the same way that you do about this.
I think that the best thing for your relationship is to just try to work on your self-esteem on this issue. I don't think it would be good to discuss all this with her if you can fix it yourself, because you don't want to make her feel guilty for being a capable, successful woman. If you can't get over it on your own, you will, of course, need to discuss it with her.
Honestly, the amount of money you make and she makes does NOT determine who is leading in the relationship, simply because NO ONE should be leading in the relationship in that way. You can't keep tallies on who achieves more. And you need to realize this before you get married.
Good luck.
2007-05-04 08:32:01 · answer #1 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Listen...just go with the flow. You are both professionals and obviously educated.
So she has a better degree than you, so what!? It seems like you both have to work to make ends meet so both of you are contributing. This is the way of the world now. We no longer live in the 50's where the man went out to bust his but and wifey stayed home and cleaned the house with dinner on the table.
I wouldn't talk about this with her. She will not understand why you are being chauvinistic. She is not going to quit her job to make you feel better. It looks like you got your feelings hurt because she didn't ask about you eating at 2 in the morning. Honestly she was probably wiped out from work and assumed you ate. I would too if it were me.
Lighten up a little and let it be. Don't be jealous of your partner. It is not a competition. Live and enjoy life and when it is getting late give a call and check on her, when she's planning on coming home and if she wants to eat with you or not.
Good Luck!
2007-05-04 07:49:05 · answer #2 · answered by truthseeker 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So she makes more than you. What are we back in the fifties? Just be glad she has a great education and a job. She can contribute to your relationship. What, you want to tell her to quit her job & get one making less than you so you can feel like "the man". How would you feel if she didn't work & sat at home all day ordering off QVC? You'd complain she was spending all your money. If you don't deal with your insecurities b-4 you get married, they will cause lots of problems. These days, it is very common for women to make more than their b-f/husband. As long as you have everything you need and are happy in the relationship, why does it matter which one brings home more?
2007-05-04 07:42:35 · answer #3 · answered by pkbuddy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Relax man.In todays world women are making more and more.And so what she is more educated than you and makes more money.Do not let this be an issue between you 2.
It sounds like you love her alot.If you do.Then do yourself a favor.Support and encourage her.Tell her you are proud of her.
Then you can address the other stuff.Just stay diplomatic about everything.Dont make her feel guilty because she is a successful women.I have a best friend whos wife makes about $100,000.00 a year.While he works at a factory and only making $40,000 a year.
He used to get mad about it.I would tell him.Just be thankful she is able to make that kind of money and help support your family.It took him a long time to get over her making more.He just pushed through it and took his concerns out on me.
They get along great and now he is thankful she does.Because the factory he worked at moved to Mexico.Now he is unemployed.
Support that women.She obviously loves you and you her.So what if she makes more.If you have to eat alone sometimes get used to it.With success comes more responsibility.
Good luck to you.Be proud of her.
2007-05-04 07:45:15 · answer #4 · answered by kenneth h 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding? You have a woman who is going to make more money then you and it's a problem? That isn't a problem, pal. That's sweet.
Your the kind of guy that gets jealous of your cancer ridden buddy for being picked by the Make A Wish Foundation.
If you won the lottery the first thing you would think about is the taxes.
When someone buys you a dinner you get mad cause some day you'll have to get him back.
Count your blessings, fella. Not everything is bad.
2007-05-04 07:41:07 · answer #5 · answered by Tim 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Dude, I understand how you feel because I was more educated than my husband - on paper, though - he's the smartest man I know. I have two degrees. He's in the trades. However, when we were married, I was making way more than him. It bothered him, it made him a bit resentful, to be true, and similarly expressed it as you have. He's from a traditional Eastern European family.
What made things better, was when we had a child and I became a SAHM. We were living on his income, he felt very protective and proud that he was taking care of his family.
I remember once when he approached me about this - and how he felt when I was still working. I saw he didn't want to feel hurt about his feelings, but they were real feelings, so I was happy that he discussed them with me. That he felt "less of a man" - which of course wasn't true, I didn't feel that way. However, I listened and was able to tell him my point of view.
Best you talk to her about it, and explain your feelings. It's not good to keep it to yourself.
2007-05-04 09:37:45 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like work takes precedent in your house. Both of you seem to put a lot of importance on your jobs. Anyone who goes to as much schooling as you both have and stays at work until 2 am must be putting work first. That's OK, but you can't expect your home life not to suffer. You need to find a balance. I went to law school and decided not to pursue a job as a lawyer because every lawyer I met either hated their job or those who liked it worked about 60-80 hours a week.
2007-05-04 07:40:19 · answer #7 · answered by Corey 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're just being overly insecure. Unfortunately that's a hard thing to deal with because society has taught us that men should be the heirarchy in the relationship. It doesn't seem like you think she was really cheating on you though you do seem to be indicating that somewhat, she sounds like someone who is very hard working and was truly working late at the office. I say give her the benefit of the doubt, but consider telling her how you're feeling and maybe see a counselor before your doubts kill your relationship and really do drive her into someone else's arms. .
2007-05-04 07:55:24 · answer #8 · answered by Marianne D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My GF has her masters and I am working on my bachalors. You know what, no big deal. She loves you for who you are. And if she is successful, awesome. Try and leave the mindset then men are the providers and females are the fairer sex. It is 2007, women should have as much or more of an earning potential. Embrace it. Then read some trashy romance novels, eat bon bons and watch some soaps.
2007-05-04 10:12:30 · answer #9 · answered by Shootsscores 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
her coming back late without notice and not considering you is one issue. Talk to her calmly about it so she knows how you feel. Otherwise she may never know what she is doing wrong and things could spiral out of control. As for her career, get over yourself. Give women a break and respect us for our accomplishments. You want another degree- go out and get it. You have no right to be resentful towards her for having goals and reaching for them. Money isn't the only thing to a marriage. Don't expect her to hold herself back in her career just because of your insecurities
2007-05-04 07:38:29 · answer #10 · answered by BooBoo 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋