From A Mother in Law?

Question

Dear Unknown Friend,
I, too, suffered this same kind of treatment from my Daughter-in-law. I want to tell you that the grief (and it is grief) that you are suffering from is almost unbearable.

Please don't feel alone. It has taken me 14 years to get over the feeling of just wanting to die. The young women of today are not like we were. They are rude, agressive, have zero tolerance of anyone else, will use you until you're used up and then toss you out when they're through.

God help the children they raise. There is no place for you to post your real feelings. I wish there was. We, as Mothers, have feelings too. We want to be treated like humans, that's all.

I had to completely back out of her life. Her cruel remarks to me were uncalled for and hurt me to the core. If you are a Mother-in-law, you come with a sign around your neck saying: "kick me; I can't retaliate". The Daughters-in-law are so jealous of the son's love for his Mother that they have to get rid of you.

The grief will end one day. Please believe me. I had to seek counciling and get on medication for depression but it has eased up considerably.

Take heart...my one consolation is that she has 3 little boys. She will lose those boys someday because believe me, the girls that they marry won't like her one bit.

It's so strange....what goes around DOES come around, doesn't it?

Answer 1

From a Future Daughter in law,
What you are saying is two sided. My fiance mother is awful to me and him. I have back off and not said a word. I have watched that woman belittle him, yell at him, control him, manipulate him, and even get physical with him. She has had full control of his whole life and now she doesn't.

She blames me!!

All I have done is help her son grow. Since we have been together he has acquired a wonderful job, moved out of her home and got his own, and he has learn to control his temper.

I think this on going mother in law/daughter in law battle is ridiculous. Mother's need to see that there sons have chosen the woman they want and wife's need to except and respect there mother in laws because they brought there loves of there life's into the world.

I believe the lack of communication between these two woman is what destroys them. They don't have to love each other or like each other, but they must except each other.

Try reading toxic-in-laws. If you don't fall into the category of a toxic-in-law then it's your daughter-in-laws problem she needs to work out, but if you do call into the category of toxic-in-law work on what's wrong and things WILL get better. Just do something before it is too late.

Don't forget.. your son choose her. There is nothing you can do about that. You have too except her if you love your son. You don't have to except her disrespecting you. Speak to your son about this.

Answer 2

if the son's love for the daughter in law is more than his son for his mother? wont the mother jealous too? everything there is a 2 way traffic. Now the society has change - everything change and nothing you can but complain.Even when you are once a daughter in law, i do not believe that you did not have the treatment from your mother in law? you must have hated your MIL treatment and yet you want to use the same treatment back to dil to feel mentally balance. if the answer is yes, you are same as your MIL-"Devil MIL".

Answer 3

what you are doing right now is talking about daughter in you have to earn respect, most mil think that the wife is never good enough to take care of their sons but if they would butt the hell out of their sons life they can see the job can be done just as good if not better then they have to start withthe way your raise your kids face it they dont think any one are good enough for their sons,thats the way it has always been and the way it will always be.

Answer 4

From a Daughter in Law:

Most mother in laws are not like you. If you would like to take my mother in laws spot let me know. My mother passed away when I was 21. I welcomed the fact of having a mother in law in which I treated like a MOTHER. Unlike my husband and brother in law who kept there distance as this woman was the main cause of my brother in laws wife leaving him. After 2 years of trying to do the right thing by her I was constantly bad mouthed, and was told not to buy her any gifts or send cards as she is aware they are from me not her son. So I stopped. She has made every holiday miserable with her constant fighting with everyone. When I was told my father had colon cancer she wished his @ss hole would rote with cancer because I took my husbands side in an argument. So please, lets not condemn us all for the actions of a few.

Answer 5

Its not daughter inlaws that changed, its overbearing mothers that then become mother in laws that changed.............and then think because we were raised correctly and respect our elders that we should stay silent and quiet when disrespected or mistreated oh and by the way the fact that some lady said daughter-in-laws are jealous of a sons love for their mother is very creepy and she is one of "those" mother in laws we are talking about, creepy-....she is a mother in law that must be in control and rude and then is outraged when it is returned. All you can do as women is atleast be polite for the man involved sake

Answer 6

I too on the other hand have bent over backwards trying to be a daughter / friend to my MIL, but to no avail...she treats me and my children from a previous marriage like we have the plague!

Answer 7

some m.i.l. are just mean, and hateiful, and do not see their wicked ways, then their are the nice ones, very few, my m.i.l. does not talk to me, she treats my girls like they have a diease or something, her son and i have been married for 9 years,i buy her gifts, i take care of her when she had surgery, but she hates me, now i do not talk to her i do not let her come to my house my husband is not invited to family functions she is just evil, i know their are good women out their, and the rest could take lessons

Answer 8

i on the other hand have kissed my MIL'S butt, and have gotten treated no better than dirt and my kids as well have been told B.S from her and she goes around telling rude lies about her son and my relationship...some MIL's are just mean and hatefull, unfortunately some people dont see what harm they are doing to others, the ones who hurt the most are grandkids because they see this.

Answer 9

Thank god, I do not have that problem. Although I do not have a daughter-in-law. I do have a son-in-law and he is wondeful. He is the most respectful young man you would ever want to meet. I love him to death.

Answer 10

hahaha

so funny those people who talk like they were the nicest in the world...

my mother-in-law was nice to me and I liked her in the beggining of my relationship with her ONLY son.... now we don't like each other. She is a witch, pretending to be nice.

Perhaps you are a nice MIL...you probably did something that didn't make your DIL happy. Sometimes we say things that hurt people... and we don't know. Try to talk to them. I know it is hard. I don't like mine a bit and I don't want to talk or see her.