How do I end a professional relationship without revealing my true feelings? I recently ended my sessions with my therapist because I was starting to feel romantic feelings for him. He however suggested that he continue to call me to check on me. He calls me at work not on my cell. I do want to one day start my sessions with him again but right now I need to have no contact with him in order to sort through and put my feelings in check. How can I ask him to stop calling me without revealing the real reason behind it?
I was thinking of saying something like "there are some things I have to rectify and I can't work through them with you calling me."
P.S. -TELLING THE ENTIRE TRUTH IS NOT AN OPTION
2007-05-04 06:27:05 · 30 answers · asked by Heaven26 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This happened to me too.
Tell your therapist, he'll understand and refer you to somebody else. Maybe you're just thankful to the guy because he's there for you.
2007-05-04 06:31:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The entire truth IS an option, it's simply one you choose not to take. Tell him what you said "there are some things I have to rectify and I can't work through them with you calling me" and add to that, you won't be taking his calls anymore but will call him when you're ready to start sessions again.
Personally I think you should be honest about the reason because that could have a definite bearing on your treatment...it's not unusual for people to develop a crush on their therapist...that's the person who helps you, who you can open up to and share your innermost self, who seems to understand you better than anyone else, etc...he's probably not unfamiliar with this scenario.
2007-05-04 13:34:36 · answer #2 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the four reasons should work, good luck!!!
1. Stop paying for the sessions.
2. Go find another therapist and have your records transfered over.
3. Tell him you are not comfortable with the calls at work and wish that he stop!!!
4. Start asking him repeatedly for money!!!
2007-05-04 13:41:20 · answer #3 · answered by Miss G. H. Etto 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes that sounds good just tell him you will call him when you have worked through them ,and then hopefully he will leave it at that. Also don't forget the reason you were seeing him in the first place it is always a good exercise to write things down it helps to sort it out in your mind ,you can always destroy what your have written after if you want to keep it private. Hope all works out well for you x
2007-05-11 05:38:42 · answer #4 · answered by lucy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him to stop checking on you. This sounds like he has a thing for you as well that almost borders on stalking.
If you cannot be openly honest, be blunt and truthful. Tell him that for at least right now you do not wish to talk to him. He is to stop calling at work, etc. Be a broken record and always follow the same short script- word for word. "Thank you for your concern, but I do not want you to contact me" or another short, accurate, no-explanation message.
(This is a lot like the 'no comment' defense- the second you say or even imply by tone or action ANYTHING other than a very bland 'no comment', you open doors for other questions, speculation, etc.
If he presses for details, stand fast- you do not owe him details or explanations, and the more you try to explain, the more leverage he has to slip in.
Him: "I am just concerned"
You: "Thank you for your concern, but I do not want you to contact me." (now abbreviated as 'thanks no')
Him: "I can appreciate that, but can you tell me why?"
You: "Thanks no"
Him: "Surely there is some.."
You: (as if dealing with an irritating telemarketer) Interrupting, say "thanks no" and hang up. Any time he makes you say the phrase a third time, just hang up.
Be as robotic and emotionless as you can be. If he hears sadness, happiness, etc., he will pick up on it and try to slip in again. If he increases his number of calls, start to just hang up when you hear his voice. If he starts to cross a line, get a third party involved.
2007-05-04 13:42:30 · answer #5 · answered by Madkins007 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like to me that he might he have feelings for you too and honestly telling the truth IS the BEST way to get him to LEAVE you alone. It SHOULD be an option or he is NEVER going to understand WHY you want to end the professional relationship.
2007-05-04 13:53:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful after all he is your therapist he knows ways to get inside you head.So tell him to refer you to someone else until you can sort things out about you that needs your attention.And that you want to make sure that you have yourself together before you can start a relationship with him.If you really want to get rid of him for good threaten him by telling him that you are going to call the medical review board on him for trying to take advantage of you while seeking his care for therapeutic help.
2007-05-04 14:25:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my experience, if you've had strong feelings for someone and then get over them it is unwise to re-enter into a relationship. In other words, do not go back to him once you're feeling over him because you will likely get back into the old feelings.
It's a bit like giving up smoking or drugs. If you come off them and suddenly start retaking them, you're likely to become re-addicted.
Try going to a new therapist.
2007-05-04 13:47:38 · answer #8 · answered by JOHN P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you are in this dilemma. I would just thank him for all his help, and concern, and tell him that for reasons you do not wish to disclose, you would like to put your sessions on hold indefinitely, and would very much appreciate if he could respect that. Hopefully, being the professional that he is, he will. Hope it all works out!!
2007-05-04 13:34:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
firstly you need to tell yourself why you have this crush, its more than likely because you feel he cares about you, he listens to you and understands you, boy we all wish to find someone like this for real, but Hun...hes just doing his job!
you know that, i do not need to tell you, so why not start telling yourself this is a relationship of a need, but not a life long partner need, just a doctor/patient need....and just talk shop only!
its a crush, it will go, and you will be fine.
if you do find the courage to tell him the truth, i am sure that he would be able to help you to understand the feelings more, and maybe even after you tell him, the fantasy will die away.
lies will get you no place but deeper in! trust me.
truth is best.
2007-05-04 13:38:04 · answer #10 · answered by delbolof 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tellin him the truth may be the only option, or you can just be blunt and say look, if i want your help ill call you, like i did before , thanks, call him in his office out of business hours so u can leave a message and not speak to him tell him what u gotta tell him, tell him not to worry about returning the call because you have relative outta state your staying with for a while, i dunno , lol, i never had the problem.
2007-05-04 13:32:00 · answer #11 · answered by JD 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋