Does anyone know a good joke? nothing dirty?

Question

I need a god laugh, it's been a long week

Answer 1

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says, "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."

The Mexican man pleads with him, "No, nooo. Señor, I must stay in the USA! Pleeeaaase!"

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 English words in a sentence." The Mexican man of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence."

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and says Yellow?"

Answer 2

Jokes

1) A teacher tells to his student: “Ali, can you explain us about William Shakespeare?
Ali who did not studied said: “Excuse me teacher but it is not good to talk about the people who are death.

2) A teacher ask his student: Maryam if there is 5 apples on your desk and your friend take 3 of them, then what will happen?
Maryam said: Fight

3) If there is 8 birds on a branch of a tree and you shoot 1 of them how much bird will be left?
No bird will be left, because when you shot you will scare all the birds and they will go away.

4) A teacher tell 20 words to his student and he writes everything wrong but his teacher give him 19. Why?
It is because he just wrote everything wrong which here we mean that everything is only one word.

5) One day a man comes to a shop to buy cake. He said to the shopkeeper excuse me can I have a six floor cake.
Shopkeeper said: Sorry, we don’t have
The man was keep coming there and the shopkeeper kept telling him: No we don’t have.
One day he said to him self it is better to make the cake for him. And he will give me much money for this.
Tomorrow again that man came and the shopkeeper said yes I have.
The man said: Can I have a small piece from the sixth floor.

7) One day a man tell to his friend that he played in Titanic. And his friend told him “Really, but I did not see you.
The man said, “You know that part that Rose was entering the toilet and someone said aaaaamm
His friend said, “Ok, but I am sure it was not your voice.
The man said: Yes I know it is because the directors toll me your voice is very bad and we will redo it.

8) My dear, I love you as my cells in my body. Your love, one cell Ambeo.

9) One man fat in a bus then everyone there will laugh
Then the man will say: aaaaaaaaa if I knew that you would be happy I could do it at first.

Answer 3

It must've been a long week if you need a God laugh!

Answer 4

Two antennas meet on a roof, they fall in love and get married... the wedding wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant

Answer 5

What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?

Unlawful means "against the law," and illegal is a sick bird.
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
(ill eagle) ;-)

Answer 6

Q. WHAT BIRD IS ALWAYS OUT OF BREATH?
A. A PUFFIN.