We got invited to my wife's cousin's wedding next month. So we got the invitation and sent it back. They just called us yesterday and said we are invited to come to the 350 people wedding BUT we can’t bring our 2 year old daughter.
They say that kids disrupt the wedding ceremony and the dinner at night and take away from the bride and groom.
I’m just floored that the mother of the groom called us to tell us that, not sure how to handle this situation. anyone else have to deal with this?
2007-05-04 05:21:41 · 25 answers · asked by rockystartz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
wow great responses so far.
I guess i should have added that we were not going to go to the church ceromony but that is too much for a two year old. Plus we were just going to go for the dinner at 6pm and stay for a little while longer 8:00pm because that is our daughter's bedtime.
2007-05-04 05:57:57 · update #1
I think it's odd that the mother of the groom called and asked you not to bring your daughter. It's usually printed on the invite... but put a lot more tactful than "they disrupt the ceremony." ... like "adults only." If you don't want to go because of that phone call, I really wouldn't blame you... but I would wonder if the bride and groom really felt that way or if good 'ol mom decided to butt in.
2007-05-04 05:30:48 · answer #1 · answered by Incognito 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
A wedding is an adult party. It's perfectly acceptable for the bride and groom to decide to have an adult affair party, as it's their choice and their prerogrative to do so.
Do not take this personal and do not feel insulted. Most couples chose to have an adult reception, specially if it's and evening formal event and have a chuch ceremony.
I personally wouldn't want a toddler or any children for that matter in my wedding either. I've to many weddings (I seem to have one every other month) and I've been told many times to find baby sitter for my son. In one wedding, the bride even arranged for a babysitter herself.
Sending the invitation back was absolutly rude of you. If anyone is violating etiquette codes is you. This is about the couple and not you! You wouldn't bring a toddler to any adult party, so what makes you think that a wedding should be different?
No matter how precious or well behaved you daughter is, an adult party is no place to be entrataining children. Kids could be disruptive, cranky, scream, yell, poop, throw a tantrum, throw up, get bored, play with the bride's dress, mess up the cake, etc. etc. etc. specially after 5 hours of festivities,. Get real.
2007-05-04 05:32:36 · answer #2 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Who was invited on the invitation? If it was written to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and Family, then you should expect to be able to bring your child/children. If the invitation is written to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, then only the people on the invitation are invited. To assume that you can bring someone who is not invited would be wrong.
I understand your position, but this is the wedding of the Bride and Groom, and they have the right to have their wedding be Adults only. I agree with them, children, especially children under 5, disrupt wedding ceremonies and receptions.
If you want to go to the wedding, please look for a babysitter for the evening, then you and your wife will be free to stay for the entire service, without being concerned with bedtimes and such. Since the wedding is for family, perhaps one of your wife's other family members will be getting a babysitter, and you could split the cost.
2007-05-04 07:04:25 · answer #3 · answered by Kat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If the invitation was addressed to your and your wife, without you daughter's name on it, then only you and your wife were invited. You actually overstepped your bounds by adding an uninvited person's name to the response, even if it is your daughter. You will either need to respect the wishes of the bride and groom, or not go at all - that is your choice. BUT- you need to let them know either way ASAP so that they can plan accordingly. Don't make them spend extra money if you know you won't be attending. That's not fair to them.
We actually had small children at our wedding, but none as young as 2. Our friends with 1 & 2 year olds did not bring them to the wedding, they hired a sitter.
2007-05-04 05:47:37 · answer #4 · answered by leslie s 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, that is just the way some people want it. It is strange the MIL called and not the bride or groom that you know, but..... I guess if you still feel like going get a sitter. If not don't bother and send your regrets. I think children our great and want them at my wedding. Granted when the get tired at the reception they will go home and not stay as long as everyone else but to have them for awhile will be awesome. We are very family and child oriented and if they aren't there then something would just feel off. But i guess that is my opinion.
2007-05-04 05:50:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
best for you - i be conscious of you have beenn yo-yoing over this for a month or so (a minimum of at right here, whether we don't be conscious of what's been happening on your head). How some distance out from the unique wedding ceremony date are you presently? If it is particularly a on an identical time as, i might basically print up some un-invite letters and mail those out, basically letting human beings be conscious of that your plans have replaced and you're so sorry. that's advisable to apply the line regarding the economic device however, because of the fact "We desperate this replaced into too demanding" will easily be taken the incorrect way via particularly some little princess varieties working around (ahem, Vonderette). while you're a month or much less out however, i might call each and every guy or woman in my opinion (headache, i be conscious of!) in the previous the persons who have not e book inn rooms do this or human beings finalize in spite of alternative plans they have. Mazel tov - i think of that's greater what you quite needed, and congrats. The Grand Canyon is amazing, and that i think of you are going to have particularly some relaxing. additionally - wish you had a suited time in Peru.
2017-01-09 11:40:37 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm kind of torn on this. As a mother of two small children, it irks me that I would be invited but specifically told not to bring my children, especially if the wedding is out of town, so it's not a matter of leaving them with a sitter I know and trust for a few hours, but of leaving them for a weekend, or with a sitter I don't know in another city or state.
I can also understand the point of view of the couple to be married. They're paying MAJOR bucks for this ceremony and party, and they do have the right to not want small children to be distracting.
I think it was handled incredibly wrong, though. You should have known up front that they didn't want to have children at the wedding. It should have said so on the inviation or RSVP card. For someone other than the couple to make phone calls AFTER people RSVP and basically say "Your two-year-old is uninvited" is just not right.
The best situation I've heard of is to have a separate party room at the same location as the reception, so the kids are supervised but the parents are nearby, have playtime or watch movies, have kid-friendly dinner and "wedding cupcakes". That was an extremely thoughtful gesture of the bride and groom, but that doesn't happen often.
The worst two things about this is actually that they didn't let you know up front, and they passed the uncomfortable duty of passing the news on to parents.
Now, I grew up close to my cousins, and growing up, I never would have thought anything would keep me from being there if one of them asked. But I don't know that I would go to a wedding, especially a wedding out of town, when the bride and groom showed that much of a lack of consideration. If the wedding is in town, maybe your wife could go since it's her cousin, and you could watch your daughter, or you could get a sitter for a few hours. But since your responsibility is to your two-year-old, not the cousin, if you decide to decline the invitation (and un-invitation), I think that's perfectly okay.
As far as "go or tell them off", I wouldn't tell them off for not wanting children there, since it's their party and they can decide against having kids there. As a parent, I'm sure you have come across other parties where it's inappropriate to take children, and this is one of those instances. But I don't think you would be out of line, if you decide not to go and someone asks why, to say you didn't appreciate that they didn't make it clear on the invite or RSVP card, and that they didn't give you the news themselves.
EDIT: I want to add, in the area where I am from, weddings are generally much less formal than they apparently are in other places. I generally would assume the kids ARE invited unless I'm told otherwise, but I admit, that's mainly because of the relative informality of the weddings and especially the receptions. If I knew it would be more formal, I most likely wouldn't automatically assume my preschoolers could join me, and would likely try to arrange for a sitter. The fact that there is a dinner at the wedding you're talking about does make it more formal, and therefore less likely a child would be appreciated. But I get a little tired of people without children acting as though a child is something more like an accessory to go with the outfit that can just be left behind if it doesn't "go with" the mood. And since many parents are used to taking their children with them everywhere, and therefore wouldn't even automatically consider leaving them, it is the responsibility of the bride and groom to specify UPFRONT that it is an adults only event. And if the couple is thoughtful in the least, if they are inviting close friends and relatives with children, especially from out of town, it would be a courtesy to at least provide suggestions for reliable sitters.
2007-05-04 06:17:41 · answer #7 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your daughter wasn't listed on the invitation, it was actually wrong for you to assume that she was invited. We're getting married in September, and, as we expect the reception to last until midnight, we're having it 'adults only'.
I don't think it takes away from that bride & groom (that was a weird thing for them to say) but it might take away from the fun that you and your wife will have.
You might use the wedding as an excuse to have a nice time out with your wife, without having to chase after a tired 2 year old. I think you should go and have fun.
2007-05-04 09:36:50 · answer #8 · answered by TandJ090807 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think 'adults-only' receptions are quite common. In fact, my upcoming wedding will be the same. The exception to the rule is those that travelled to be at the wedding. You can't expect them to travel and then leave their children with someone they don't know. For my fiance' and I, it's not so much that we're concerned about disruption at the reception, it's more a desire to have our guests stay past 9:30-10pm. Much like the other posters on here, if you can get a sitter, go and enjoy yourself, if you can't, send your regrets. You shouldn't be offended, it's their party, it's not a reflection of their love of your child.
2007-05-04 06:06:03 · answer #9 · answered by Ben H 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why did you assume that your daughter was invited? I'm sure that her name was not listed on the inside envelope or the MOG wouldn't be calling to tell you that she's not invited. There is no place for a 2 year old at a wedding. Toddlers are disruptive because they are bored. Get a baby sitter or don't go, but know that you are the one who made the assumption. This is your faux pas not your cousin's.
2007-05-04 05:56:52 · answer #10 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋