friends with benefits?

Question

so theres this guy and hes really hot...we decided to be on the buddy system and not date...so now i think im fallling for him, after all he is only the second guy ive been with...is friends with benefits a bad idea?? should i end it or what??

Answer 1

FWB never works. Someone usually gets hurt in the end. As you already stated, you're falling for him which isn't apart of the FWB "deal". In my own experience, I've been on both sides of friends with benefits: ending up wanting a commitment and not wanting a commitment. I've been hurt and have hurt others. The truth is, friends with benefits RARELY works out for both parties. (heavy on the rarely) Usually people that say FWB does work are either trying to justify their own behavior or don't really care. You've already slept together and crossed that line and, believe it or not, will always remember each other for what happened between you, good or bad. Your friendship won't ever be the same again. My advice: get out before you get in too deep emotionally. Or, talk to him and see if he may be interested in taking the next step with you. If he's not willing, walk away. You may be able to salvage the friendship if you end it sooner rather than later. Otherwise it's probably going to eat you up inside, jealousy and the like. Check your motives. Why do you really want to be with this guy? Why, really? Did you agree to FWB just to be close to him and this was the only way he would be with you? It's not enough, is it? Sex is great, but try and keep in mind it is usually a result of a healthy relationship between two people. You want a healthy relationship with this guy? Love, romance, oneness, hollywood movie ending? FWB won't get you there. Don't fool yourself into thinking maybe he'll fall for you while sleeping with you. I never did with any of the women I was with and, believe me, some tried hard to sway me. Don't be just another "number" to him or anyone else. Walk away, start again and make it count. It's only your life were talking about, right?

Answer 2

Believe it or not, you are not the only one who has been in this type of situation. I have never known a situation (although, there may be a few out there) where a "friends with benefits" situation has always stayed that way. Change is relentless; one of the party usually "falls" for the other and ends up desiring to take it to another level. Gender has no boundary here, because it has been true for men as well as women.

Be true to yourself and your friend. Communication is what is needed here and you shouldn't 'end' it without communicating WHY, first. To go on continuing a relationship like this, is ultimately up to you. People, who have changed in heart toward their 'friend,' sometimes continue with the relationship, as is, because they are afraid of loosing contact with the other...and sometimes live in anguish, when they see the other with other "friends with benefits." But, this also depends on where you are at in life, such as--are you young and wanting to eventually have children? Or, are you past all that and are just in need of companionship? If with the later, companionship relationships, to work--to be there for each other in times of need, advice, etc., being 'exclusive' is not such a bad thing. You have to ask yourself, WHY did you agree with the "friends with benefits" contract to begin with? Was it because you didn't want a relationship with drama? Because the other didn't want to be tied down and become responsible, toward the idea of having a family? Were either of you hurt really bad before?

You must talk from the heart. If your "friend" is INDEED a friend, he should be able to understand or try to be understanding of your feelings. If he can't stand the idea of going into a heavier relationship with you, then he will never be. And, that isn't really being a "friend." He is not being a "friend with benefits," he is just using you for sex. Do you do other things with each other than just intercourse? You can talk to him and tell him that, despite your original thoughts, you love loving him. You think that he is THE 'hottie' and that he is IT. You can convey that you understand if he doesn't feel this way, but that it breaks your heart if he were to be with other women. Tell him, that you are in love with him. If he can not recipricate or does not wish to reciprocate this feeling, then you must do yourself a favor and end it...so as to not put yourself though years of a non-reciprical, one sided relationship, that might only torment you and eventually build resentment.

Answer 3

Having friends with benefits is not for the inexperienced. Since he is only the second guy you have been with, it is probably not a good idea to just be having sex with him. Of course feelings are going to arise with that. How many people has he been with? You should probably tell him how you feel. If he has mutual feelings, maybe your relationship could progress. If he does not, you need to get out now. It will only get harder. I know this from personal experience. On the other hand, you could keep quiet for a bit and maybe he'll come around and express feelings for you. If he starts sleeping around with other women or he already is, he is only using you. If that is how you like it, then that is cool. On the whole, friends with benefits is a sticky situation.

Answer 4

If you both go into it with the same expectations (no commitment, either can call an end to the relationship, both are free to date someone if they meet someone as long as you let the each other know about it, always use contraception, whatever rules you want to set up) then go for it.

But if one of you finds yourself wanting more out of the relationship than the other can or will give, you're going to have someone's feelings hurt.

Oh, and you both better be 18, or all bets are off - go home and watch a movie instead!

Answer 5

Friends with benefits can go both ways u can c other people without being ties down BUT if u ar falling 4 him then u should let him know so that u 2 ar on the same page. U dont want 2 opean up 2 him and he not feel the same way and u feel stupid.

Answer 6

If you're falling for him why should you end it? There may be some good benefits to a good conversation. Talk to him. The buddy system is flawed because sooner or later one of you will ask this precise question.

Answer 7

You should talk to him about how you feel. If you really like him and he doesn't want more from the relatioship ever than it is easier to split now and save the time a heart-ache later.

My husband of now 5 years and I started out as friends with benefits, heck we didn't even speak the same language when we met but it is funny how things work out sometimes.

Good luck

Answer 8

End it. You're falling for him so you've already broken the rules...which a lot of females have a tendency of doing. You will only end up hurt if his feelings are not mutual. But before you end the benefits part you can ask him if he sees this going anywhere. If his answer is ANYTHING other than yes don't continue.

Answer 9

I think you should end it IF you are falling in love with him. The day you find out he slept with someone else or he wants to stop the "friends with benefits" because he get a GF you are gonna be very hurt and upset. Good luck!!! =)

Answer 10

Friends with benefits has it's benefits. Unfortunately, emotions tend to get in the way of a good time and ruin everything! If you're starting to fall for this guy and you value your friendship with him, tell him you can't do it anymore and tell him why. Who knows, maybe he's starting to fall for you also, ya never know.