Okay - what did I say wrong?

Question

I'm interested in why I got 5 thumbs downs, so far, on this answer: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070504052220AAZxMKr&r=w#NbUvWzS9UTcu2YS3Dn_A

In my opinion, I was polite, and answered her question completely. She wanted to know how to get the guy to stop, and I told her what to say to him (about going to HR to stop his harassment). I also added some clarification to her implied question about her excess 15 pounds. So why did I deserve all the thumbs downs?

I did answer the question -- I told her that she should tell him flat out that his comments are unwelcome and if they didn't stop he'd be reported to his HR and her HR. That's how you deal with harassment.

If I've not been overweight I should not give counseling? I specifically put in my answer that I have had weight problems to the same degree she had. Also, there was NOTHING judging about my answer -- my answer explained reality, which is that you are eating too much if you are gaining weight. That's just reality, not a judgment.

Terri -- part of her question involved the fact that she said that she was 15 pounds overweight and snacked at her desk, at breakfast and lunch at her desk, etc. I did not tell her what she ate at her desk -- I told her that small items can sometimes pack a lot of calories. People sometimes don't get that those little-bity vending machine snacks sometimes have 300 calories in them -- that's moe than 10% of a normal daily calorie requirement. I don't know for a fact she's eating that, but I do know that if she is 15 pounds over weight there is only ONE way to get that way -- to eat more than your body needs.

Ropman1 - good point -- I thought, however, that I was actually supporting her. I told her I had a similar problem. I told her I wasn't bashing her. I told her she shouldn't take his comments and should tell him he's going to get reported to HR - and I added, politely, that the only way she could be gaining weight is by eating more than her body needs. That's not a bash or lack of support. That's reality.

jack_ske -- read my answer again. I did not assume she was eating m&ms at work. I used m&ms as an example of a small amount of food that packs a high calorie content. She said she was snacking. Whatever she is eating, meals, snacks, whatever, it is more than her body needs - that's why she gained weight. So to lose weight, you either have to eat less, or exercise more, such that your body burns more calories than it takes in. Very simple. That's the only point I was trying to make. That and that snacks are an easy way to add a lot of calories to your diet without really noticing it.

Bonnie -- I used the word grazing because someone else used that word to describe the best way to eat -- to "graze" all day instead of eating 3 big meals. I was adding the suggestion that while optimally grazing or eating many small meals is the best, it can be an easy way to eat a lot of extra calories if those "small meals" are not as small as they should be.

Christina -- I understand - and never meant to be judgmental. However, you make my point. You end your explanation with the statement "I work two jobs and eat a lot when I get home late and go right to sleep. Got any better ideas?" Yes, I do, actually -- eat a little less, and switch to a more vegetable/fish based diet b/c they have fewer calories than starch/beef based diets. If you are already on a mostly veggie/fish based diet then cut your portions down a bit. Regardless of your situation with jobs or metabolism, your body stores calories as fat when it doesn't need them for anything else. If you are gaining weight, then that means that your body doesn't need all the calories your consuming. I'm not saying it's easy..... I've struggled back and forth for years -- but, when I started listening to my body, and understanding how much it needs to "break even" (which may be differnt than for others), then I tailored my diet to fit that. I lost 50 pounds last year. You can too.

Answer 1

idk, but I just gave you a thumbs up ;)

Answer 2

Because what works for you, doesn't always work for others. Take me for example:

I'm tired of people telling me how to lose weight. I know. I've done it before as a teenager. However, the people at my job have only seen that I have gained 30 pounds in the last year and they are attributing that to all the wrong things. I used to be a speed freak and I would take Adderall (NOT prescribed) almost every other day. I've since stopped doing that and it has messed up my metabolism. In fact, I am healthier now than I have ever been. I exersize, eat well and started doing yoga. Get this: I gained 30lbs and my blood pressure DROPPED by 10 points!!!

So, what I'm saying is, her question was about a rude coworker, not how to lose weight and assuming that everyone is like you isn't the way to tell people. We are all different and have different situations. In fact, I work 2 jobs. (I'm at work right now -lunch break). I work from 8am until 11pm. Ya damn skippy I'm eating at work. I eat breakfast and lunch at my desk and then "graze" on bread and cheese or whatever I can get my hands on at night at the restaurant where I work and all I hear from people is "You're eating again. That's why you're fat." HELLO!!!! I go straight from one job to the other and I NEVER eat dinner. That piece of bread and the sauce I dip it into is my only dinner!!!

All I'm saying is that you sounded way too judgemental in your answer. I wanted to show you my situation because it is unique. I know where I flounder.... I tend to eat a lot when I get off work at night and then go straight to bed, but I work 2 jobs.....you got a better idea???

Everything isn't so clear cut!

Answer 3

People are just very sensitive when it comes to weight. I think most people took it as you attacking her just because she SAID she didn't eat at her desk all the time. However, if she's eating at her desk often enough to incur comments from someone from a different office, then she is obviously eating at her desk too often.

I think you got most of the thumbs down b/c she didn't want to hear the whole "stop eating" bit, she just wanted comebacks for the smoker.

Did anyone else notice the part where she admits SHE STARTED IT by asking him if he was going to smoke again?

Answer 4

You know what dont stress it. Sometimes you DO give a correct answer and people give you thumbs down (hating). Who cares thats your opinion and no one else. Remember you are not here to satisy anyone or meet anyone's standards..Good luck!

**BTW if people get offended easily then they shouldnt post questions on yahoo. They have to remember this world is full of many people with different personalilties and thoughts and not everyone thinks like you! So, the minute you post a question you are up to getting some good answers and some nasty answers!

Answer 5

You said, "Grazing."
People think of "eating like a cow" when you use that keyword on a weight issue.

Don't worry about it, some people are just easily offended.
Your answer was valid, in my book.

EDIT:
I know what you meant by "grazing", other people should too, they pick out a keyword and go to extremes with it.
Also, weight becomes a problem with office jobs, hence the need to exercise. She's just frustrated.

Answer 6

i thought it was a good answer a little harsh at first but hey some people dont respond if you sugar coat it i personally only look back at my answers if they are chosen best answer other than that the person can take my advice or not im happier not worrying about it except when i am answering i try to help but its thier choice to take it or not and despite the thumbs down you may be chosen best answer!

Answer 7

You should have just answered the question instead of criticizing her on her eating habits, which you actually DON'T know what they are. OR what she snacks on.

OH I need to also add that her being a few pounds (she is 7 pounds from her ideal weight) overweight may NOT be because of her eating habits, it could be because of diabetes or high cholesterol or some other health issue.

Her question was about a coworker, NOT about any "implied" questions about her weight.

Answer 8

I'll tell you what's super funny about this question. I'm the one person who gave you a thumbs up on the answer you're asking about. So clearly I don't know. I thought your response was well thought out and kind. Don't worry about it...

Answer 9

Okay, I hope you're feeling better now that you've expressed all that. . I didn't see your question, not gonna take the time to go and look it up.

Some people just get their kicks by thumbs downing others. Try to forget it.

Answer 10

I didn't think it was rude, but then again, I'm not an overweight woman. They probably thought your comments were insensitive because you didn't support her, but rather told her what she should do instead.

Answer 11

you probably got thumbs down because you ASSUMED she's eating m&ms all day at work. you don't know her eating habits aside for her small bit of information. she was not asking for people to judge her on what you THINK her eating habits are, she asked what she should say to the other guy. idk. i didn't give you a thumbs down, because it wasn't insulting, just not what she was looking for.