Am I A Bad mom For Letting Him Go With Him His Dad?

Question

well i dont know if i did the right thing or not i let my 8mo old mom go dtay 2 nights with his father who has only seen him 4 times in his life he also kicked me out when i was 5 mos pregnant and said that hunter wasnt his i went throgh child support and got a dna test done and yesturday he found out how much he had to pay well now he wants him every other everyother weekend/holiday now where i live if was to take me to court he would get a total of 4hrs a week b/c of his age and the lady from cs told him that i feel like i shouldnt have sent him because he barely knows him what do yall think

Answer 1

I don't think you should have either. I don't know what his experience is with children, but you should have given him a few hours here and there until they could get aquainted. An 8 month old can be trying to a "stranger" and this man is obviously not a mature being since he kicked you out when you were pregnant. I would call him and let him know that the window is open to bring the baby home to you if he becomes too much to handle.

Answer 2

Hun, you are not a bad mom. You are probably trying to do what is best for the baby, and you surely believe that this should include his biological father. You probably feel like you have to let him have him whenever because the DNA test came back.....am I getting warm???

I was in a very similar situation at one point in time,...and I firmly believe you should wait until there is a court order with specific times and dates, before he takes him for anytime. This is so very ,very important! That way there is no room for arguments of who should have him and when.

Start off by having a couple of visits that you, the baby, and the father are all together. In a neutral place perhaps? Just so you and the baby become more comfortable with the situation. Be careful, he has rights as the father and without an order from the court he could actually file for emergency custody, keep him longer than you agree(and there is nothing the police could do, really), or worse. Even if he's not on the birth certificate, never seen the baby before this, ect...

Don't mean to scare you, just be a bit hesitant to hand the baby over to him just when ever......good luck sweetie!!!!

Answer 3

Does his father have experience with children in general? Does he have support people in his life? Did you talk to him about his son's habits, behavior patterns, dietary needs, etc? Do you think he'll be safe with dad?

You say that he's only seen his son 4 times in his life. Were those times supervised? How long were they?

All of these would play into a decision like that. It may have been better to start with visits where you sat together & talked, while he played. Or, where you were with him for a bit, then went away & came back later. Or, something more gradual like that.

But, if you want him to have a good relationship with his father and if you want his father to learn to be a nurturing, caring dad (and since your son's going to be with him, anyway - that seems like a good goal to have, right?), now is the best time possible to let them start forming that relationship, getting to know each other. At 8 months old, he's still learning about life & the people he can count on. Introducing time with dad, now, will make their time together seem an 'always' part of his memories - he won't remember anything different.

Answer 4

Of course that doesn't make you a bad mom. Situations like that are really complicated. This guy sounds like a total asshole but the fact remains that he's hunters father and he's the only one that he'll ever have. It's probally best if you can work out some kinda arrangement for your little boy.
With that said though, if for any reason you fear for his safety or doubt the fathers capability, I would cut him off. Hunters well being should come before anything else.

Answer 5

I personally would not have let him go, but I dont think you should feel like a bad mom for letting him go. I understand that you felt the pressure to do so. In FL, the guidelines for visitation say that the child does not have to go for overnighters until he is over the age of 2. So if the visitation laws are the same in your state, you dont have to let him go. You can look them up online at your counties clerk of court page, or go to the courthouse and ask for a copy. Or it might be attatched to your paperwork from CS. On one hand, if the dad is trying to get involved in the babys life, you want to let that happen, but you should do so as you feel comfortable. Start out with small visits and work your way up to the overnighters to get your son used to him. You have every right to go pick your son up if you want to. Of course his dad will be mad, but just tell him you werent as comfortable as you thought and he is welcome to visit the baby, but no overnighters yet. Or, if you dont mind him being there, just enjoy your break and get some you time in. good luck to you!

Answer 6

For the lady who made the comment about the daughter being around a male is out of touch with reality. Not only men are capable of doing what you are probably thinking about. You have no right to give advice, since you got some growing up to do yourself. Getting back to the asker, he is her father and have every right to be around her, and take care of her because if he didn't want anything to do with her im sure you will be wanting child support.

Answer 7

No you are not a babd mother He is the father of your child. The baby may not know him now but Getting to know someone take time. Many men get scared and say it isn't their baby and throw you out on your a** But thats because they do not know what to do or think. Young men say it isn't their child because they still wanna run amd are scared a child will hold them back. You are a good mother you see the good man inside of him that no one else has.

Answer 8

That child is not a tool so you shouldn't use him as one. As long as the dad has straightned up and wants to be in his life let him. You and him hating eachother dosen't hurt anyone but the child, remember that.
It sounds like he is trying to do the rite thing, as long as he pays his support and you have court papers you have to let him go. Court costs are outrageous of course, so if you can get along with no court, that's awesome.

Answer 9

Unless you fear for your child's safety then you did the right thing sending him. His dad won't be able to get to know him if you don't ever let him see your son.He is the father and he does have a right to see his child. You need to see a lawyer and get custody set up though so your ex can't just expect you to send the baby over when it is convenient for him. Work out an agreement and then you will both be responsible for following it.

Answer 10

you might find that his father might change his mind after a few nights, it might have been best if you started with a few hours visitation and then worked up to overnight visits but its really too late now, as long as you keep in good phone contact with hunters father while he's there it should be fine.