How do I know if he's really the one?

Question

We're both 21 y/o college students. Been together for 1 year 3 months, living together for 9 of those months. Lately I just don't know what's going on. I feel lost in our relationship. I don't even feel like myself anymore. I wonder if I could spend the rest of my life with him. I love him and he's very sweet most of the time, but sometimes we just don't click. He doesn't understand my jokes or sarcastic mannerisms most times. Sometimes I wonder if there's someone out there who's more right for me. I have no idea if I'm settling because it's easier to stay or if he really is "the one" and I'm just overthinking things. I don't know if it's just me being stressed or if something isn't right. Small things are annoying me more than usual... his long pointless stories, his late band practices, his constantly playing video games... Am I being too picky? I know no one is perfect, but these small things just make me wonder. Has anyone else felt these doubts in a relationship? Is it normal?

Answer 1

Both of you have changed in so many ways over the past three years. Niether one of you are still the same person. You are trying to capture what you used to have, you can't do that. You have to work together to find out who you are today. You are going to have to look at what you want for the furure, what type of life do you want, what type of family do you want.

Your living together doesn't make it any easier. Sometimes I am sure you feel stuck, but you are together so you want to make it work. At this point in your life you shouldn't feel like you are compromising. Both of you should feel happy to do something because it makes the other person happy.

When is the last time that the two of you just sat and talked about nothing and everything?

I am no expert but I had a very happy 44 year marriage until my wife died of cancer two years ago. We went through a lot of the same things early in our relationship. We ended up going to different schools and were forced to spend time apart. I think that did us a world of good. If you really love each other deeply enough to last 40+years you can survive 1 or 2 years of not living together to take the time to get to know each other again.

Answer 2

It's normal, of course. I think there's always a point in a relationship, especially when it gets very serious, when you begin to wonder. Living together is a real test, because you're always around this person and it's easier for their quirks to really get to you.

Love isn't perfect, no one is perfect but if he's the one you'll find, at the very least, tolerance in his imperfections. It could be the fact that you're becoming a mature woman and he seems to be stuck at 16 with the band practices and constant video games. If these things don't mesh with your lifestyle, it can cause problems.

Of course, you could be becoming annoyed at these things as a projection of something else that's wrong. Maybe you're really upset at him not paying enough attention to you and you're projecting the frustration onto his habits which take time away from you? Only you know what's really going on in your relationship. It could simply be because things have gotten too routine; you're still so young and there should still be fun in the relationship (together).

You need to have a serious talk with him about what's bothering you. Perhaps there's something about you that's bothering him, too. At this point, there's no need to jump ship until both of you get your cards out on the table. After you discuss these issues and then hopes/desires for the future and things still don't feel better, then that's a good time to think maybe it's time to part ways.

Answer 3

Chances are that these things that annoy you now will annoy you even more if you get married. But if you can live with that...every married person lives with that to some extent...and you can't imagine spending the rest of your life with anyone else...then he is the one. You have to know for sure. Don't get married and change your mind later. Marriage is probably the most challenging thing you will ever do (not getting married, I mean being married). It's work everyday, not always fun and loving. But if you're married to "the one" it's worth every minute of it. If you pray, I would pray about it. Don't do anything unless there's not a doubt in your mind that he's it. And remember, people don't change once you get married, so don't think that he will. You have to be sure. Good luck.

Answer 4

yes it is very normal but at the same time there could be someone out there for you. The best thing you can do is to sit down with him and have a talk. Don't make it into an agurement, just tell your side of how you see the relationship and without interuption just let him tell his side or point of view. If you all come to a decision then ya'll may be able to work things out, but if not then you may want to move on and find someone else that you may feel comfortable with.

Answer 5

It's normal to feel doubts about a relationship and it doesn't necessarily mean you should end it. Many people have this ideal that someday they'll find "the one" who is right for them and everything will be perfect and they'll know it's right and be happy forever. But all relationships have their issues and they all take work. You're probably reaching the end of the "honeymoon period". Stuff that used to seem cute or easy to overlook is now getting annoying.

Think things over. Take some time to yourself to do things you enjoy and refocus on who you are and what your priorities are. The more sure you feel of yourself and your wants and needs, the easier it will be for you to know if her fits in with them. Don't rush the decision; you have plenty of time yet to live your life.

Answer 6

If he was the one, you wouldn't be asking yourself all these questions. I say there are many issues that you have to work on first. Don't get married and I think you need some time apart. You need to be honest with him and tell him that you need to be apart. That way you can figure out whether you should be together or not. It is normal to have doubts, but you are having a lot and I think that means trouble. You can be a healthy partner in a relationship if you don't even know if you should be with him.

Answer 7

I hear ya, i feel like that sometiomes too, its normal i think. Plus your young so you have alot of time, don't rush anyhting. I don't think your being too picky at all, why should you have to settle. I would say try telling him these things bother you, and see what happens, if he dosen't change or attempt to make it better then leave. If he tries then its your call. Also maybe moving in together after such a short time wasn't too smart, sometimes being alone is the best medicine.Good Luck!

Answer 8

21, (same age as my baby daughter) you still have your whole life in front of you. Please, don't settle for something less than you are giving out. It will only hurt you in the end. You deserve to be given the same love and affection as you give out. Try talking to him, tell him how you feel. If he's not willing to work with you, I would consider moving on.. theres too many fish in the sea. You have a right to be picky, this is your life, make the best of it...
good luck to you

Answer 9

If you are already wondering it probably isn't right. Habits tend to become more settled over time, good and bad. If you do get married, things will probably annoy you more and cause problems. Keep looking around while you are so young. My bf is 50 and I am 35. We just found each other 6 months ago and couldn't be happier. Trust me, divorce isn't fun. Take your time and make sure its right.

Answer 10

first of all it has only been a yr you need to date longer then that to really get to know someone.. if you feel like you are lost in the relationship or that you do not feel like your self anymore then i would say that you are not ready and that you need to get to know the person more. i would take a break and date more people before i jump in to a marrige if you are not happy you will end up divorcing in a yr so take your time you have the rest of your life to find the one and everyone deserves to be happy.