Here's the story. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We dated for 6 months before he moved in. I have a 4 year old son as well. The past 4-5 months, things have been really tense around the house. We don't connect like we used to. I really love him, but I can tell he's not happy. I think he's only staying because he doesn't want to hurt me. I'm a strong woman and I'll be fine on my own. (I've been single before) I just don't know what to do. I think we need to talk about it...I really think it would be best if he moved back home for a while if nothing else. I don't really want to break up..I just think he needs to be alone for a while and decide what he really wants. What is the best way to go abhout this? Should I just suggest that he move out? I love him dearly and don't want him to think that I don't want to see him...but I can tell that he's not happy. Please....give me some advice!! My heart is hurting, but I want us both to be happy.
2007-05-04 02:51:04 · 14 answers · asked by Justinsmom 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just so you guys know...he is not my son's father..I am divorced. We have had conversations like this before but things always seem to resolve for a while and then he'll get into a weird mood and hardly speak to me for a week or so. It's killing me! I really want both of us to be happy and unfortunatley, right now we're not :0(
2007-05-04 04:12:11 · update #1
This is a delicate situation. But I think you can work it out - and here is how, you need to sit down with him and have an open and honest conversation about what is bothering him, and what your issues are as a couple.
Having him move out for a while may be one answer to the problems you are having but unless you guys have had a series of conversations about your relationship leading up to this then it is likely (in my opinion anyway) that he may see your suggestion or even your desire to have him move out will end your relationship - particularly if you guys are emotionally fragile right now.
You need to talk to him and acknowledge that he is unhappy, and that you have a problem or problems as a unit, as a couple (this isn't just his fault and it isn't yours)_ you guys need to find out what the issues are and if you can solve them together.
Once you have that conversation you will have a better idea then if a separation is the best thing or not. I would tend to think that it isn't because if he isn't in the home, then some of the impetus to keep working on your problem will be removed.
Either you or him may decide that it is just easier not being together because relationships are hard. I think now is the time for you to turn toward each other and face the reality of your situation and work out a solution, rather than turn away from each other and hope the problem works itself out. Because it wont.
You say you love him, show him some understanding and work WITH him to resolve your conflicts - that is the only way you will truly know if it is going to work or not.
Good luck and I hope this helps.
2007-05-04 03:08:06 · answer #1 · answered by Teclis98 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah everyone else is right on here. You need to talk to him and say exactly how you are feeling. It won't be easy getting the courage to bring the subject up but I find that once you start talking about something serious that it gets easier from there on. Regardless of the outcome you need to resolve this problem. He may want to not hurt you and want to leave. If this is the case it is better that he does leave instead of living a lie. Wouldn't you rather have some one who was honest with you? Best case scenario is that he is confused with the situation and some time by himself to reflect would do you both good. Either way, try and approach him about it as soon as possible.
Good Luck
2007-05-04 10:00:57 · answer #2 · answered by ParadiseLost 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good Morning: first of all you need to communicate with him & find out why he isn't happy...it could be his work or something else that's getting him down...Tell him that you Love Him & that you are really concerened about him & that your there for him & you;ll do anything you can to make him happy...maybe before you talk to him you could go to a nice park & have a coffee & relax while your talking...listen to him carefully to hear what he is really saying...maybe you both need some space for awhile...or maybe you'll find out he just isn't into you anymore...how know's ...butt you won't know untill you have a good talk with him...So go for it...the sooner you know the problem the sooner you can deal with it...
Good Luck to You
Sea ya
Daytripper
2007-05-04 10:11:50 · answer #3 · answered by Daytripper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you've picked up on his unhappiness, and that you want to do whatever you can to make him happy, even if that means breaking up. Ask him to be 100% honest with you, and not to sugar-coat anything. Guys sometimes do that because they don't like to know that they've hurt someone they care about's feelings. You seem mature enough to truly care about him to the point that if you two weren't together and he was with someone else, you could still be happy for him, and not pull dumb immature crap to make him jealous, want to be with you, etc. Be strong. It's possible that he's got family or work stress that is effecting your relationship, and that it has nothing to do with you at all.
2007-05-04 09:58:08 · answer #4 · answered by GLSigma3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just sit down with him when things are calm,children gone and speak frankly. Say I 've noticed that things have been tense around here for a while and I would like to talk about it.He may feel cramped and need some air.Things do change when you move in with someone.Tell him you are a strong independent woman and you will be fine with whatever decision he makes.Don't be clingy and insecure.If your love with each other is real it won't go away.............even if he does move out.Also don't let your world revolve around one person.If they leave it will devastate you more.Develop other interest......a hobby......a class............out with friends once a week............outings with your son.See a counselor if needed.Good Luck
2007-05-04 09:58:24 · answer #5 · answered by Elizabeth 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest that you sit down together and tell him exactly how you feel then ask him what he realy want's to do. theonly way forward is for you to be open and honest witheach other it may be that their is some thing else that is making him un happy out side of your relationship nd he dose not wan't to worry you too so talk to him and get him to share his worries and feelings with you at least you'l know then exactly how things lie between you both. i wish you both the best of luck and hope things will work out for you both in the end
2007-05-04 10:11:46 · answer #6 · answered by joan_tipton 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should just get him to read your question? Seriously....tell him exactly what you have told us, sounds reasonable enough to me, and nice to see someone with a mature attitude towards a problem. I don't think you need any advice, the plan you already have sounds good to me!
2007-05-04 10:01:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and ask him if he is happy. If he tells you he is not ask him what you can do to make him happy. That is when you have to be mature and except what he says.
2007-05-04 09:55:09 · answer #8 · answered by JOVAN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about why he isn't happy. Maybe then you two can fix the problems
2007-05-04 09:54:01 · answer #9 · answered by erick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should explain to him everything.. don't forget to tell him that you really love him and you just want him to be happy..
2007-05-04 10:04:42 · answer #10 · answered by xai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋