father and son battles?

Question

my husband and 16 yr old son had a finall battle last night husband says son has attitude all the time and hes not putting up with it any more and has written him off ......any thing i can do to help them become friends again?

Answer 1

teens have attitudes, they are becoming adults, father needs to remember how it is to be 16, and son needs to act like he wants to be treated, you mom stay neutral, do not take sides, try to make them see each other as they want to be seen, to wright a child off is immature, may be dad wants to be 16 again, parents need to stand their ground and let their children know they understand and are their for them, son needs to understand limits

Answer 2

Your husband needs to be a father. While he is right in not tolerating the attitude, he is wrong in writing him off. And actually - I am concerning about the helping them be friends again. They shouldn't "be friends" - your husband is his father, not his best buddy and perhaps that approach is the root cause of the disrespect your husband is experiencing from your son.

Sounds like professional counseling is warranted. As far as your son's attitude which you didn't elaborate on - a lot of teens get attitude and they are quite good at displaying it when they are expected to have responsibilities in the home, as one example. Sometimes, you have to pick your battles rather than take issue with every expression of attitude. For example, foot stomping when a teen is directed to clean his room. He doesn't have to like it and there is nothing wrong with that expression of attitude as long as he does what he is supposed to do. Now, on the other hand - if he is dispecting either your or your husband - that is a behavior that needs addressing. And you address it by withdrawal of privilege with the opportunity to earn it back. Yes I said earn it back. And you or your husband or both of you need to be very specific on the behavior that is not acceptable and what behavior in that situation is acceptable.

There's a big difference between being a parent and keeping the lines of communication open, and being a best buddy. Even at 16 - your son needs parents. Best buddies comes later.

Answer 3

The average 16yr old has an attitude.........
Your husband as his father has a job to do, and that is raising
his son by being mature enough to figure out how to get
around the attitude.. This is called parenting...It is not something we just throw the towel in on. Parents run (or should) the household and set the family rules, there is no
debate with a child as to what will or will not be. There can be
discussion (arguments and debate are not discussion), but
in the end the parents who pay the bills and make the home
have the final decision as to how it will be run. Your H needs
to comely set rules and walk away...if your son does not honor them then deprive him of privilege. Arguing with him
indicates, to him, that your husband does not hold control but
is frustrated and out of control and his authority can be compermised...This boy is looking for structure even though he does not realize it.
Structure can only be had when you and your husband are on the same page with the rules that are set.

Answer 4

Hello, I am a father of an only Son and the teen years can be a trying time indeed. I threw my Son out of the house once and regretted it bitterly. I would suggest you first encourage them both to admit they have a problem with their relationship. If you can get them to agree to this, then seek out professional guidance from the medical profession or a religious authority if you are that way inclined. They will only return to a good relationship when they each have a desire to fix their differences. See if your husband will put his arms around your son and say from his heart "I really Love You Boy Let's get help to resolve our problems" This will take courage from your husband. To do this will probably be against his pride. The loss of a son however is a much more devastating thing believe me, I know.
Best wishes and I hope they make up - Peter

Answer 5

16 yrs old is when most boys, young men start getting a lot bigger for their pants. That is a crucical time in a young mans life. Your husband should not write him off. He should remember himself at 16 I am sure he wasnt a perfect angel either. I would suggest getting them both in counseling and see what their main problem is. Maybe its something bothering your son or your husband and they are taking it out on each other. Also tell them to take some time apart, I know as a mother you want your family to get a long but sometimes that is hard. Just hang in there and try to be the peace keeper. kellym

Answer 6

sad to say but you cant buy love and friendship.....is husband the father of son? if not that might be the problem...both want to control....in either case the husband should be more grow-up then that.husband has bad temper i bet...and son has hard head....i hope husband was just mad when said he wrote son off....would he write a friend off so easily....i would say not.. at 16 you're still a child no matter the size of body.if father love you he must also love son.... i have 30 yr old son...we have never fought..no reason to....lots of love in our home and besides...my wife would never go for that......wishing you all well and together

Answer 7

Obviously hubby is at wits end - structure and same-page parenting is needed. It might be a good idea for parents to try and divert the behavior. Dad can be friends with his friends ...as for parenting love includes structure. Try and plan(then do) something together once a week along with eating together every night at the same time if it's workable. If the schedule doesn't allow it make something work for family meal time and stick to the choice - also:

Play a board game
Local family outing...culture, sports, fishing, etc
Remodel a room together
Vegetable garden
A barbecue with neighbors, family and friends

Hubby/Dad is also the head of home and 16 needs structure/love so this is dad's time to step up to the plate as his son approaches the fact of becoming a man. Also, first and foremost, take care of your marriage during these times ...it comes first.

Answer 8

I really don't understand how a parent can write off there child. Your husband needs to grow up. He is the adult here and you need to step in. If this kid is acting up I am sure this did not start now this has been going on for some time and you have both allowed it to get out of hand. Now your husband gives up and walks away. Great parenting skills. And you want to know how they can be friends. This poor kid no wonder he is acting out..

Answer 9

this is actually pretty normal. they don't know one another anymore and neither one knows what to do about it. it's a good idea for them to spend time together just for fun. time when there isn't chores,work or school involved. a time when house rules aren't in the way. go bowling, shoot pool, fish, take a trip to the music store or even work on the car together.anything that will help avoid a clash of personalities. if they can get a better understanding of each other, it will help. that's not to say that there won't be conflict's in the future but maybe they can learn to handle it better. this is a pretty generic answer but, i don't really know what the whole story is.

Answer 10

Probably not. Except stand by your man. Once you form a united front, your son may do a complete turnaround. My oldest brother was that type of teen, and one night got drunk with some much older friends, and mom and dad formed a united front and both decided to let him spend the night in juvenile hall. That was the changing point for him. Let your son suffer some consequences.