My fiance is very controlling. More or less every conversation we have is to do with some aspect of me that disappoints her or that she finds unacceptable. It didn't used to be like this. At other times she can be full of sweetness and light and then the criticism is that I'm not being very loving(as evidenced by spontaneous touching and kissing), but given the usual character assassination, I find it hard to be. I moved to a different country to be with her, but she still has no respect for my commitment to the relationship. I have tried so many times to discuss this with her and tell her how I feel, but her response is invariably that it is some kind of problem with me not hearing or understanding what she has said or not making allowances for one thing or another. I did and do love her, but I'm getting close to the end of my tether and the idea of spending years together if it's going to be like this make me want to run down the road screaming. Ideas anyone?
2007-05-03 23:45:46 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
She doesn't seem to love you for who you are which is wrong. You can't spend the rest of your life with a woman that wants to change you into her idea of a perfect partner.
I would get out now and find someone that loves you for you. I mean as much as my better half has annoying qualities I wouldn't change them for the world they are what makes me realise how much I really do love him.
It seems from what you have written that she does not want to take responsibility for anything that isn't right in your relationship and that is not healthy.
2007-05-03 23:55:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let me just start out by saying I'm surprised at the answers above, a common theme seems to be that if you have ANY doubts, you shouldn't go through with it. That's just unrealistic, I'm not sure a human can make ANY decision without ANY doubt.
However, after reading your question, it does seem that you know what the answer is and you are merely looking for confirmation. Take a step back, and try to determine if this is just a low point in the roller coaster ride or if the roller coaster always rides low, if the latter is the case, end it before you make a bigger mistake, especially children. ( I mean putting children through an unhappy marriage, not that children are a mistake)
2007-05-04 06:34:32 · answer #2 · answered by Ben H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its so hard to think about leaving isnt it? you feel at the end of your tether yet something still keeps you with her....?thats love for you.... a real pain in the behind.
however what you feel is real... and if you are having doubts, speak to her about it...... some people get into a rut and dont even realise that they are being how they are. others do and dont really care. im hoping shes the first. its a good tester to see how you can comunicate within your relationship. i doubt that she will want you to be unhappy..... and if she doesnt listen i feel that its a possibility that you both want different things.
its worth a try as you still love her. when you talk to her, i would make it very clear that this is a serious issue for you.....
if she cares then she will listen.
good luck
im sure it will work out.
2007-05-05 11:19:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think what she will be like a few years down the line when ya have got a couple of kids running about. Stress alert! Whatever you try to do for her wont be right you may as well just give up now and save a fortune on wedding and divorce fees!! oh and then maintenance!!!!!!!!!! After spending long periods of time with someone like this your self worth and esteem will go out the window and youl feel depressed and prob have an affair.
2007-05-04 01:15:26 · answer #4 · answered by bekkibex 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound very good. If you are married to her, she'll be bossing you around all the time. If you accept her the way she is, then that is your choice. If you were to marry her and got a divorce, guess who would have control of your financial assets? That's right. It would be her.
Look what happened to Paul McCartney when he married Heather Mills? She was married to him in less than 10 years, not even five, and what amount of alimony is she collecting? A million dollars of Paul McCartney's hard work that he worked many years on. And yes, she is manipulative.
So think about it, being controlled and miserable for the rest of your married life? Or married to a woman who loves, cares for you with kindness, and treats you with the utmost truest respect and vice versa.
Think about it and don't throw your life away. I would dump your fiance immediately, even if you think she will change her ways, and it will not work.
2007-05-03 23:56:58 · answer #5 · answered by Agent319.007 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I been married for 45 years and I am now lucky that my hearing has gone but I still manage to cop one every now and then when my aids are on. I probably deserve a lot of it but given the choice I would rather not be continually criticized. If you have doubts about if you can live with what she is showing you you would better give the idea of marriage away Tell her of your concerns if she doesn't listen you have nothing but peace to lose so get out now why you can at small cost.~~
2007-05-04 00:01:06 · answer #6 · answered by burning brightly 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This needs to be addressed before you get married. Try talking to her one more time and start the conversation like this: "I think we should call off or postpone the wedding." Boy, this will get her attention. There is no reason you can't get married later if she is willing to go to some marriage counselling before you get married. (Yes, you can have marriage counselling before you get married)
She may honestly feel that you are taking things she says the wrong way but the point is that she is hurting your feelings and your feelings count! Just because you are a guy doesn't mean you don't count. You are being brave enough to tell her how you feel yet she still dismisses you. Most guys would suck it up and take the abuse.
Continue to be brave. Stand up for yourself. You don't deserve this treatment. She needs to respect you and your feelings.
Best wishes.
2007-05-04 00:04:45 · answer #7 · answered by snakekeeper27 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This may sound harsh but don't marry her cos if shes not happy with you now then marrage isn't going to solve the problem, it will only end up making it worse! If she has self esteem problems then shes taking it out on you and dragging you down with her. You sound like a nice guy and obviousely listen otherwise you wouldn't be on here trying to solve the problem. You need to find somebody who loves you and respects you for who you are and doesn't want to change you (as this sounds like what she wants to do) and in the short term this may not make you happy, but in the long run it will!! It sounds like you have done a lot for her and if she doesn't realise this then it's her loss!!
2007-05-03 23:57:47 · answer #8 · answered by Raych 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not get married, until you resolve this situation with her, as it will only end up in divorce court. Suggest to her that you would like the two of you to get into counseling for couples, because of all the disagreements between the two of you. You need to be able to address her controlling ways. She will not change if you marry her, it will only become worse once you say I do.
If she refuses to go into counseling with you then I would suggest that you DO NOT Marry her, because your marriage will make you want to run off to parts unknown.
You need to stay strong as well as honest with your self, and get real with her and tell it like it is. Don't beat around the bush with her on this as it is too important to do. As I said, if she won't go to counseling then you need to end the relationship. Give her an ultimatum and take it from there. Do not allow her to persuade you that you both don't need counseling, because she really does need help for her control issues. Do not put up with that, as it will only sour your marriage and you will become one angry man in the end.
I applaud you for realizing that she has an issue and your needing to address it now, rather than later. Good for you, now do what you must.
God bless you, stay strong and stick with what you know is the right thing to do for you as well as her. Best of luck to you.
2007-05-04 00:05:23 · answer #9 · answered by Cindy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she puts you down, criticises you, and finds fault, why would you want to marry her? If this is how she behaves now, I think things will get worse once you're married. She will wear you down, emotionally.
Call off the wedding, and end the relationship, at least for now. Have a complete break from her. I reckon that in a short while, you'll feel happier without her
2007-05-03 23:52:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋