Is it always going to feel this F..ing hard?

Question

Is it going to feel this hard the whole time that he is gone? I thought that I would get a routine, but I'm still waiting for that to happen.

He's only been gone a month. We have at least5 more months to go.
He was horrible before he left. It was like he hated me and my kids. We fought constintaly. Sometimes I feel like I don't want him to come home, but in my heart, I miss him so much.
I feel like giving up, like giving up this house, giving up this relationship. I really don't want to, but him being gone, and me not being able to get any control over the kids, I just want to through my arms up and say "TAKE IT ALL!!!".
I've emailed him when I have had a bad day and all he does is get angry at me. He told me to "get your **** together or I'll erase every email I get from you".
I gave up everything to be with him.
I love him so much, but don't know how to deal with this? How do I make things right?How do I not have bad days?
How do I feel his love like I use to?

Answer 1

Step one.
Put the kids to bed early and get some time to yourself every night.
Get out a piece of paper and a pen and make a list of what you wish to accomplish tomorrow. Do this every night and keep your lists from each day in a place where you can go back and get them to look at.

Step two.
Take control of your kids. You are the authority figure in their lives. You are the leader. You make the rules. You dish out the rewards for good behavior. You dish out the punnishment for the bad behavior. They will get by with only what you let them. You are the adult. Take charge and stay in charge. Tough love. Be the example for them to follow. Be strong.

Step three.
Don't share anything negative with him. He's got enough problems where he is now without feeling like there are problems where you are that he cannot rely on you to handle until he gets back. Show him that you have it in you to handle things well.

Step four.
Tell him positive things only. The kids did something good. You did something that you know he would like. No whining. No crying. Just say stay safe and be careful and I'll look forward to your return.

Step five.
If you don't pray, start. If you do pray, pray more. You'll feel better knowing that you're not alone.

Step six.
Find other women that you can talk to that can understand your position. Some support from others never hurts.

Step seven.
Get a hobby. Just a little something that you can do for a half hour a day to get your mind off of things will go a long way.

Step eight.
Use this Q & A site to get solutions to problems that you find difficult to solve on your own. We are a part of your support group.

Step nine.
Post one new question here everyday that will help your cope.

Good Luck
.

Answer 2

You need to think about something -- someone -- else for a change. Try doing some volunteer work, maybe even something you can do with the kids. Or take a class, start a project -- a FUN project, again maybe something the kids can join too.

I don't know what's wrong with your husband, but he's not helping you right now. Maybe he's going through some really hard stuff. Perhaps for the next few weeks either don't email him at all, or only send POSITIVE emails, things he will like to hear. See if that helps him be nicer.

If you ACT happier and nicer, you might start to FEEL happier.

Good luck.

Answer 3

When my ex bf left for Iraq, he did the same thing. We would fight all the time. But it was because it was easier for him to leave. If he is madly in love, it makes it harder to leave, thats why some guys will distance themselves before they leave. A guy im talking to know did the same thing. When it was time for both of us to go back to Iraq (diff places though) he stopped talking to me, and ignored me the whole way back. He said because it is hard saying goodbye. I dont really know what to say about the emails. But dont give up. I know its hard being away. Im in the same situation and will be for another 6 or 7 months. I usually write him a letter or card every 2 days or something, and we IM almost everyday. Tell him how you are feeling. And sorry this is so long.

Answer 4

When you love someone, even if that person mistreats you, you will still have feelings for him or her. The only exception I know of would be extended abuse which can turn feelings of love into hate. The best thing you can do for you and your kids is to let him go and find someone else who will love both you and your kids as ya'll deserve to be loved. As for feeling like he loved you, if he really did love you then he wouldnt be mean to you and/or the kids so you wont ever be able to get his "love" back. Yes, eventually, the pain does go away but it takes time and its never easy. Just hang in there.

Answer 5

You have some mixed up feelings,and your husband don't help a bit, I think you should leave your kids with someone in your family for at least a weekend and go in a trip or somewhere that you can think and concentrate on what you really want for your life.

Answer 6

all he want you to take the weight off him every now and then...it sound like he does alot for you...well help sometimes...beside always saying what wrong with you ask whats wrong with him...you post seem only to talk about you...he don't seem abusive...and you don't seem like your doing everything you can...there always rain before the sun

Answer 7

Is he in the service? Do you have a shoulder to lean on your mother is your best bet if not your mother your closest friend or relative.

Answer 8

your kids are your priority, and don't give up the house.
try spend more time with your kids, and you might be able to control your kids.
don't give up.

Answer 9

you need a vibrator