What does one do when he is 48 years old, never married, and feels that he is the ugliest person ever.?

Question

I have a MS in geology but can't find a job in my field. I work in a security job that doen't even require a HS diploma. In college I feel in love with a wild, daddy's girl who used drugs and jumped in bed with everyone and anyone. I was drugged and raped by a bunch of scum bags. That was over 20 years ago and still causes me much pain. I've had acne since I was 13 and have low self esteem because of the acne, it just does not go away, and doctors don't help. I am so lonely for female companionship that I want to cry.

Answer 1

one day at a time, one thing at a time.

it seems that you are writing about several concerns:
-your past
-your love life
-your skin/looks
-your work
i encourage you to try to solve one thing at a time, instead of being overwhelmed by all the things on the list.

for one, addressing your skin and looks can definitely be an enjoyable experience; try the local high-level salon or facial spa (we have one around here called PureSpa and it's really helped me with my skin and they treat a lot of men there too!). let them spoil you with a nice massage, facial treatments, and great conversation. a new haircut and a bit of shopping will really help you feel sexy and attractive and can be really fun. dont' be afraid to ask store personnel honestly that you need help with an outift or something. do nice things for yourself, like see a fun movie or cook a great meal for yourself, maybe a nice hot bath and some beer.
in short, allow yourself to recover and treat yourself nicely and things will look up. if you need to, see a doctor; there's some really great doctors out there who love to help.
joining a gym or club or online group can be really fun and engaging and help you become more socially relaxed. +)
try out proactiv or murad (the starter sets) for the acne if you don't want to go to a spa or clinic.
do you have local phoning clubs in your area? i heard that there are lots of singles lines in which you just talk to someone of the opposite sex for as long as you like, and i don't meant prostitution, i mean the singles groups that are advertised during afternoon television (eg lavalife). or eharmony.com can pair you with some nice folks, i'm sure.
i hope you get better soon!!!

Answer 2

I think the first step is to acknowlege you need help. It looks like you want to improve your work life, your physical health, your mental health and your love life -- and to some extent they are all intertwined. Try to set one reasonable goal for each sector that you can accomplish before December 31.

Then break each goal down into mini-steps that you can take each week. At the very least, I think you should look into seeing a different dermatologist (I saw one in college that didn't help much, but a different one a few years ago that really helped a lot) and changing your diet and exercise habits. You should also see a therapist -- especially if you still have any drug dependency issues, but mostly to help you work through the rape. You may also look into volunteer programs -- you can meet new people, and also help others at the same time.

You *can* re-invent your life -- not overnight, but over the course of a few years. You didn't get here overnight, after all. And if you don't start today, that makes getting to a good place one day later. Do what you can, and keep going.

After all, if you live to an average age, you still have a good 25 years of life. Even if you only had two weeks left of life, wouldn't you want to make the most of it? You can do it.

Answer 3

First off your not the ugliest person ever.... You just need a good friend to help you out. Sounds like your depressed also. Why don't you try and go to the doctor and see if they can't get you in for some help with a psychologist/psychiatrist. Sounds like you have some issues you really need to work out there. Your never going to be with anyone if you don't like yourself first. If you hate the job your in. Look for something else or kinda close to what you have your degree in. The acne can be cure up in no time. Try to go to Walmart and get a product called Neutrogena Facial Scrub; its a little pricey. Like $5-6 dollars for a container; but it lasts about a month. This will really help clear your skin and face up I promise you that. Don't cry. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Answer 4

Somehow, some way, you need to believe that you are a beautiful person on the inside. This is a confidence that exudes from within, and females find it to be a welcoming trait.

I, too had acne for about 20yrs., and tried about everything. It was not until my hormones were addressed that my acne went away. Yes, it took its toll on my self-esteem too.

Given your state of feeling "stuck" and victimized by your job and body and the horrible things done to you, let me encourage you, there is hope. You can feel differently about yourself - from the inside-out. It will take some work and commitment on your part, working with a counselor or mental health worker. If you have the opportunity to work in a group or privately with a Christian counselor about sexual abuse you can find that you are on a path toward healing and wholeness. It doesn't come all at once, but you gain freedom in layers....it won't "Own you" like it has all these years.

Some of the larger churches do seminars and counseling on various areas of difficulties and addictions, sexual abuse being one of those areas. -- It gave me my life back.

Answer 5

I am sorry. That is a lot to deal with while trying to maintain a healthy mind and body. Sometimes we can't fix our own problems and need therapy. Maybe you need to change something about yourself and are reluctant to or just can't see it. That something is simple and powerful. You must change the way you think to change your life. A good therapist (rates go by your income, in my case) can help you "see". Mine did. I "saw" two before finding someone with whom I connected with.

Your acne is caused by stress/anxiety. Let all that poison go, man. Try the vinegar thing - 2 Tbsp Apple Cider vinegar in a glass of water once a day. But more importantly, work on your self-esteem. Look up Interpersonal Skills or Life Skills - I took a class. Best damn thing too...for me and my kids. I am 40 now, and I feel like I've just started living AGAIN. 20 years in a hole is nowhere to spend your prime(???) but as resilient Humans, we can come back from enormous setbacks, and thrive. I say now, and it's corny, but all you have to do is believe. Look up IPS.

Good Luck.

Am I helping with the research again? I get the feeling that there is a STUDENT behind the curtain......................

Answer 6

Well, it sounds like you may be suffering from some symptoms of Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. Also, don't be discouraged by our society's superficial definition of good looks. Build your confidence not on your appearance nor your education nor your acquired materials yet instead build your confidence on who are you on the inside. Review your character and what it is that you can contribute. When you are finished doing that then you may be ready to find the comforts of a woman's companionship. But don't forget that you must first explore and be most aquainted with who you are before you can expect anyone else to do that. Keep your head above water:-)

Answer 7

I'm thinking you should go see a shrink or something. And find an outlet such as boxing or some real cool thing to do. I'm guessing, if you're not taking medication, the acne could be caused by stress, so also for that, find an outlet. Do calm stuff like meditation or yoga. Also diet, dead skin cells and bacteria in the pores cause acne. Yeah, but if you go join groups and things like that to expand your social circle i'm sure you'll find someone.

Answer 8

Some Catholic Churches have singles clubs. If you're not Catholic, we don't care.
My daughter found her husband this way, they're married 10 yeats and have two wonderful kids.

Call tomorrow & get some self confidence. At 48, who cares how you look outside. it''s what you are on the inside that matters.

Answer 9

Get a grip. F*** the 'warm' adult adult males! they are no longer warm they're t*ats. you're too stable to be degrading your self like this. focus on the flaws you rejoice with. somebody wil locate you warm. all of us ought to tolerate our visual appeal you're no longer on my own. As for being one hundred twenty five pounds at 5 feet 5 you should be grateful which you're narrow. in case you stated which you have been 225 lbs then i'm going to sympathize. why all the thumbs down? a collection a 13 3 hundred and sixty 5 days olds who think of its all oh so considerable. Get a grip im 34 and that i comprehend what im speaking approximately. Spose you think of you're gonna stay perpetually huh?

Answer 10

I think what you need in current situation is to build your confidence level and self esteem. No one can help if you cannot or do not want to help yourself. There is no such thing as ugliest person in the world. Open up your heart window and you might be surprise that the world will share it love with you.