Okay, need advise. I have a "get over" Sister-in-law who has a husband and 4 kids. My son is getting an award and after we are having a BBQ lunch. She did not RSVP, so I emailed her and she said she, her spouse and 4 kids are coming. Then she left a message asking if all 4 kids could bring their respective boyfriends or girlfriends. (which she usually does or she makes a hug plate of food to take home to feed them.) None of the boyfriend/girlfriends have been around for more than a month.
I was bent out of shape and said "okay" with a huff. Obvious attitude was thrown her way. Am I being rude? Uptight and over anxious? Or am I valid in feeling used and put out to cook for 4 extra eaters and have weird people around who probably won't make it to the next family function. What do you think!
2007-05-03 19:03:26 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I think your situation is valid. When she arrives this time - pull her aside (or after the BBQ) and explain to her that you have made this exception for her for the last time. That in the future you are only inviting her family alone. You don't have to keep putting up with being her floor mat. And that's how I see her treating you. You're too nice. And as one of my bosses advised me - get thick skinned and tell them. Her rude habit is the bad habit.
And when you send out invitations the next time - if she does not RSVP, then do not expect her and her family. Do not follow up with an email to ask her twice.
2007-05-03 19:57:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are absolutely valid. Your SIL was rude to not respond to your invitation. She was equally rude by asking to bring 4 uninvited strangers. I wouldn't care to have strangers wandering through my home during a family event. Also, this is an event to celebrate your son's achievement and you know his cousins will be giving all their attention to their respective boyfriends/girlfriends, not to your son...or the rest of the family.
Now you're stuck. But I do agree with Alternative ToLove that it might be well for your husband to discuss this matter with his sister.
In future, if asked if others may attend such an event, you would certainly be correct to say "no". But perhaps "I'd really prefer that they didn't" would be less blunt while still making your wishes perfectly clear.
2007-05-03 21:51:12 · answer #2 · answered by Tom K 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would have said "no", politely, but firmly. You could have added that it is just family this time, or it's just family and a couple of your son's friends. You have the right not to have strangers wandering about your yard and house. It just isn't safe these days. And you can tell SIl that, if you wish.
As far as fixing a big plate of food for the boyfriends, girlfriends, it is rude mooching. Say, gee, SIL, I had planned to give the leftovers to Mom and Dad, you know, since Dad retired, and they are on a fixed income...And tell Mom in advance that you will be discussing her finances, in order to stop the free food. Bet she won't mind a bit.
Or be creative, I had plans for those leftovers, my son's friend comes from a troubled family, that was intended for our supper, whatever fits, and tell the truth about them, if you can. Next to guilt, the truth works the best..
Guilt works best, and combined with the truth, SIL hasn't got a chance to snag the leftovers..
and speaking only for myself, I would do this, say to SIl, Dear, are you and my brother in trouble, financially? You always dive for the leftovers, I just wondered, cause all you have to do is ask, and they are yours, we would not be able to stand it if you are hungry. Tee Hee, another method to cause guilt is to worry.
And as for the RSVP, one chance to answer, and that is it. When she shows up without having answered, with or without extra guests, say, oh, dear, I hope we have enough food! I din't plan on 6-8 extra guests! Oh, why didn't you tell me you were coming! Or, we only have 10 hamburger, one apiece, I guess we could cut them in half...
2007-05-03 20:24:10 · answer #3 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
nicely, expensive, you probably did the right element (minus the mind-set). even as neices and nephews attain the relationship degree it really is person-pleasant for them to opt to comprise their acquaintances in kinfolk applications. really, the youngsters might want to probable be dissimilar interesting. so a thoughts as her mind-set is going, once you're performed with the BBQ, %. each little thing up and positioned it away. Then bypass on to the cake and ice cream. She shouldn't bypass into your kitchen/refrigerator to raid your nutrition, and she will be in a position of only have the alternative of taking some cake homestead. you could make a remark if she starts to %. up your groceries, like, "SIL, it really is my kinfolk's dinner tommorrow nite. (yet I do have a container of pasta you could take.)" go with a word, prepare it, and say it frivolously. Get hubby to help even as the BBQ, potato salad, etc...receives positioned away so its performed right away and effectively. positioned the plates away, too. then convey out the little plates for dessert.
2016-12-05 08:06:26 · answer #4 · answered by naranjo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's rude, making a plate of food to take home, if you insist it's different....but just helping herself! If she asked if it was okay you should have been honest and said that you were hoping to keep it more low key or more just a family event. She was just hoping if they could come, you probably should have been honest.
2007-05-03 19:16:50 · answer #5 · answered by Ali 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont blame you for being annoyed by this, and such people dont seem to always catch hints so you kinda have to be straight forward..shes your husbands sister right? maybe hed feel more comfortable pointing that stuff out.
2007-05-03 21:31:25 · answer #6 · answered by kid 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, you should have had a spine and said No. You can't feel resentful since you didn't stand up for yourself.
2007-05-04 03:27:25 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋