Child/adult problem. At wits end? Part 1?

Question

Ok, bare with me folks. Kind of long. I met my wife in 1998, she has 2 kids, one was 12 the other 13. They lived with their dad and my wife paid child support. She gave up the option of having them with her for them to hopefully have a better life. Their dad lived in an upscale small town and she lived in a crime infested city. Well, the father played on the kids emotions telling them their mom gave them up because she didnt want them. His parents also played the game. SO my wife has had to put up with the heart breaking burden of giving everything, them taking and leaving her holding the pot for 20 some odd years. They are super nice to her when they want something then jerks after they get it. Well, in 2003, the boy was going to go into the military. A few months before he left his father booted him out of the house for being disrespectful and not obeying the rules of the house hold(a little bit of reap what you sew). running out of letters, will post as another question

Answer 1

Firstly your wife is in a lose lose situation
The kids are getting the best out of both situations and sound spoilt

There is nothing she can do but shut down towards them until they come around and strta acting more responsible and mature

Answer 2

Is he 18 years of age? Time for some tough love. Say adios to the problem. You guys need to get over the emotionality of perceived guilt and let him feel the consequences of decisions. Best of luck...

Answer 3

hi