Is it usual to give gifts to all your wedding attendants?

Question

My daughters were flowergirls recently at a wedding and I thought it was customary for the bride to give them a small gift. I know I did when I was married. I know the bridesmaids all were given a bracelet. I did not mention it to the kids, so luckily they were not expecting it anyway. I just thought it was the done thing. Dont people do this anymore?
And is it usual for flowergirls to sit at bridal table or are they usually stuck up the back behind everyone so nobody can see them? They were not even taken away for the photos. One cant help but wonder why they even had flowergirls. They did not get ready or arrive with the bride, I did their hair, dressed them and delivered them to the venue. Someone came and got them when the bride was ready for them. It just all seems weird to me.

Answer 1

Your daughters were treated POORLY by the Bride and/or Groom. All of the Attendants are supposed to be treated equally, everyone should have been given a gift appropriate to their age. Your daughters should have been asked if they wanted to sit at the bridal table with the other wedding party members or with their parents. And, of course, they should have been included in some of the formal photographs. You did not give the age of your daughters so it is possible the Bride and Groom thought the children were too young to participate in some of the activities but it should have been discussed with you before the wedding . . and it's also possible the Bride and Groom just didn't care (and that's a shame for you and your daughters). My suggestion to you is: if your daughters are asked to be in another wedding find out exactly what their role is going to be before you buy two more flower girl dresses, and hopefully, the next Bride and Groom will be a little more thoughtful and kinder towards your daughters. Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A professional bridal consultant / A wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 2

Yes I know bridesmaids are usually given jewellery or accesories and that flowergirl and ring bearer will get gifts proper to their age. I don't think nowadays they sit at the head table but maybe on the same table their families sit. If they are relatives of the groom or the bride, then they will sit on the table where the groom or bride's family sits. From what I heard, head table is usually only for the couple, bridesmaids and groomsmen. But it does seem weird in your case. No gift and then no photos? It's like they're not even there !

Answer 3

They should have gotten a gift and they should have been in the photos, but they do not sit at the head table. They don't usually get ready with the bride either, that's the parent's job. They are usually small children after all. We can't expect anyone but the mother to get them ready, look after while the bride is getting ready, or look after them at the table. As for the gifts, the bride was either being cheap, or with all the details to attend to she just forgot. It could be both because by the time you get to that, your budget has gone through the roof and the grown up bridal party will complain, while the kids will forget about it :-)

Answer 4

Very odd indeed. The girls should have received some small gift.

As far as the kids at the head table, I have actually never seen a flower girl sit at the head table - even when the flower girl is the couple's daughter. So I don't think that part's too weird.

At my own wedding, I included all my nieces and nephews in the wedding, despite everyone saying they were too little, or there were too many of them. The way I saw it, they were family, and should be a part of the day. I had three flower girls - aged 7,4 and 2 and three ring bearers - aged 4,2 and 18 months. They all held hands and walked down the aisle together - they were adorable!!

As for formal pictures, by the time the ceremony was over, trying to get all the kids to sit with us was a nightmare - they were too wound up. We have some absolutely HYSTERICAL candids of us trying to set up with the kids!!

Answer 5

All people in the wedding party should be given some sort of gift. It's proper wedding etiquette. Each of my bridesmaids are getting some piece of jewellry and the flower girls are each getting a small gold locket. I couldn't dream of not giving my attendants a gift, no matter how young. It's rude not to. All attendants, including children, should also be included in photographs. It's rather silly to have someone in your wedding and not have pictures of them. I'd be quite upset if i didn't have pictures with my flower girls! And they will be joining us in getting ready beforehand as well. Having them with us is part of the fun of it all!

As for where they sit, it was always my understanding that the head table is for the adult attendants and children sit at the tables with their parents or at a children's table if there is one. Theres only so much room at the head table (depending on how many attendants there are) and they'd probably be better off with their parents anyway. However, at some poin during the speeches portion of the evening, i think its only proper for the bride and groom to say a little thank-you type speech and give special mention to the little ones who helped make their day so wonderful.

The wedding you described sounds very odd. If they didn't want to include the children properly they shouldn't have had them in their wedding. Good lord.

Answer 6

Yes, flowergirls should be given a gift. We made the decision not to have children at the head table - we felt due to their ages they may need some help with dinner. They sat at the parents of the bride and grooms tables. We had the kids in the formal photos at church, but did not take them to the park for outdoor photos. We sent them on to the hall to eat; plus they were getting ancy by that point in time...

Answer 7

My son was a ring bearer at my best friend's wedding. There was no gift (he was an older ringbearer at 8 years old) He did take pics with the wedding party, but he did not sit at the head table either. I didn't think much of it, even though I paid for the tux rental. I just felt it was a nice experience for him.

When I was a flower girl when I was 5, I did not sit at the head table either, and I did not take pictures with the bride either. And the 'gift' I got was that I got to keep my flower basket. I remember being quite tickled about it too.

Answer 8

I think it is just a small token, but as with a lot of things in weddings, giving your attendants a gift is not the law, so some people don't. After paying for my bridesmaid's dress, hair appointments, make-up and manicures, flowers, shoes, jewellery and a day at a spa in lieu of a hen night, I don't know that I will be able to afford a gift for her on the day lol.

Answer 9

Yes,very weird.
They should also have been given a gift if the others in the party received them.
They should also have been sitting at the head table with the bride etc. and been included in the pics.
I agree,this is really weird and why did they have flowers girls?? I'm sure you went to a lot of expense to have them in the wedding only to be shoved in the background.

Answer 10

My daughter was a flower girl in her aunt's wedding. She did not receive an attendant gift, which didn't really bother me, since they were kind of strapped for cash. I thought flower girls and ring bearers sat with their parents, not the bridal party, especially when they are small children. Yes, they should be in photos, and it does seem like the people whose wedding you daughters were in weren't clear on proper wedding etiquette. Don't let it bug you too much.