she's 6 almost 7, i dont really know is it me being a bad mother or what. she has never lied, and once she started going to school and with her friends she started lying. i would ask her something i knew that she did do, and she would lie about it, until i yell at her. now just today, she took some of my money, without even asking, she really cant tell what $1 are like and $20, so she took five of my 20 dollar bills to school, and when i came home i found one left in her pocket. before her dad asked her and she said no, so i found it and got really mad, and we asked her to go to her friends house and get the money back since she gave it to her friends. i don't know what to do, i am so mad, and my husbands all like, well don't put your stuff there. what can i do to make her a better person?
2007-05-03 13:37:28 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You need to watch the Diary of a Mad Black Woman, and Madea teaches you the way you should discipline her.
2007-05-03 13:45:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Lieing is horrible and can even be addictive. Punish her. Tell her she is responsible for her choices. Take her TV and computer and games away for at least 2 or three days. Tell her that EVERY lie and thievery is punishable. Talk to her about her friends. Are they dishonest? You can advise her to make new friends NOW. Also tell the other kids mother whom she gave the money to. Maybe that kid is manipulating her somewhat. But remember even if that happened stay strong and don't blame the other friend. (Still tell the other mother) The sooner you stop this the better! Society is very passive now. It almost lets little children rule the roost. You be in control and watch her. Tell her you love her and she is going to act like a good girl. Help her to decide to change and see the error of her ways by telling her the out come if she keeps on doing it, I.E. - No trust from family and friends, no respect and no presents! If you treat her seriously about this she will take it and you serious. If you cave in and get wishy washy then she will do it again and again. Being a good parent is sometimes being the "bad guy". But so what? We love our kids don't we?
2007-05-03 13:56:59 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she needs some boundaries and rules! At nearly seven she's stealing and lieing to you...what will she be like at 16? There are some great web sites for parents on setting boundaries, you just have to look. I would start disciplining her by giving her some choices. Sit down and tell her she can choice to tell you the truth about taking the money or she can go to bed for the night. Do it calmly and stick to it! If she cries all night...let her. Another way you can discipline her is to buy something she really wants. Then create a calender that shows a smiley face on the days she is good and sad faces when she is bad. Let her put the stickers on so she plays a role in the process. Explain to her that if she gets 0 sad faces that week she will get the prise (just something little), if she gets a sad face she does not get the prise and she loses a privilege. You can do this....you just have to be consistent!
2007-05-03 13:48:25 · answer #3 · answered by Shelly C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know this sounds odd, but when young children lie, it's better if you do not lose your temper. The goal here is to teach her to tell the truth, and to know why telling the truth is important.
Because a young child doesn't have the same sense of right and wrong as an adult, they really cannot judge what a lie truly means. To them, it's only a way to get out of being punished, or they think it will make you happy to give the "right answer" even if it's not the truth. So you have to help her know what is right.
If you raise your voice, spank her, or lose your temper, then what she learns is that next time, she needs to lie better! But creating a loud, scary situation is definitely not going to make her want to tell the truth in the future.
But the good news here is that she's is old enough to talk to -- tell her that it's very important to always tell the truth, and that when she is honest she will not be punished for whatever happened.
Then, and this is the way to help her along -- never ask her yes/no questions. Example, instead of saying, "Did you brush your teeth yet?" say to her, "If you haven't brushed your teeth, go do that now." Or instead of, "Did you take money out of my purse?" say, "I had money in my purse, and now it's missing. If you took it out, please tell me where it is."
This helps her not feel defensive and accused, so it's more likely you'll get the real story. And then remember to praise her for being truthful, saying something like, "I was worried about the money, and you helped me feel better when you told me what you did with it." Hugs & cuddles, and she will be willing to be truthful with you.
2007-05-03 14:14:32 · answer #4 · answered by yellobrix 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You have got to nip that in the bud now. Yes, if you don't let her know that this is wrong and discipline her, it will get worse and worse. Take it from someone whose son lied about things that could possibly get adults arrested. My children know when I ask them something and I give them "the look" that they are going to be in some serious trouble if they decide to lie. I tell them that if they just tell the truth, they may not get a spanking. But if they lie, a spanking is definate. I can look into my children's eyes and tell then they are lying and when they are telling the truth. Since they know this, they tell the truth. Not only did your daughter lie, but she stole from you. Good thing it was yours and not someone else's. So that's another lesson that she needs to be taught. If it doesn't belong to her, then she doesn't need to touch it or take it. Moving your stuff is not the answer. Teaching her not to take things that don't belong to her is the answer. Good luck!
2007-05-04 08:18:45 · answer #5 · answered by Keetta 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's a Phase, not an indication that she's in need of something to make her a "better" person. She will more than likely grow out of it.
She does, however, need to understand the boundaries of your personal, private space and things and her own. She needs to understand that there are things that she has no business or right getting into and one of those is your purse or wallet. Sitting her down and explaining this to her is necessary. But don't do it when you are angry. My mother never spoke to me while she was angry even if it meant sending me to my room for several hours while she calmed down. This gave me an enormous benefit to see a parent calm and rationally explaining why what I did was wrong and why I was being punished for it.
Best of luck!
Peace,
Jenn
2007-05-03 13:54:54 · answer #6 · answered by jenn_smithson 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should sit down with her and explain stealing and lying to her and how it's wrong. When she lies and steals, start taking her toys away from her, her privileges to hang out with her friends, or television. Let her be without the things she likes for a couple of weeks. She needs to learn that those things are wrong and there are consequences. Oh and by the way, this doesn't make you a bad mother.
2007-05-03 13:45:13 · answer #7 · answered by Stephanie W 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She needs to learn about consequences. Ask her if she'd like it if you lied to her or stole from her. If you read to her at night maybe try some Aesops fables or something similar. Finding the right punishment will be tricky, if she doesn't get it what lying and stealing are. I think one of the biggest problems with kids coming up today is they don't understand about reaping what they've sown, or AKA Karma. Good Luck
2007-05-03 13:47:18 · answer #8 · answered by htuch2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok it looks like some of the problem is her friends dont ever she cant hang out with them she will pull away more try to get to know her friends. my advice dont ever spank her cause i was spanked as a child and when she needs u she will just be afraid to talk to you. And to make her a better person a little trick take her to a homless shelter for families or volunteer her to work with kids in the hospital of course u will need to do it with her but it will make her realize how good she's got it and maybe when u first tell her she will think it's so not kool but she'll get used to it . good luck
2007-05-03 13:58:10 · answer #9 · answered by Alyy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You've definitely got to tell her that what she's doing isn't appropriate. I'm 21 and I clearly remember a time when I'd do just about anything to impress my friends, but now I realize that I'd learned that behavior from someone in my household.( Mainly my brother), but I'd heard my mom lie and my father talk about things that I shouldn't have heard, so the best thing to do is to lead by example. If you're certain she's not picking it up from someone at home, or the tv, then check her friends.
2007-05-03 13:44:15 · answer #10 · answered by Jenell_Rose 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh Boy - not easy. I have disciplined my girls since they were walking using time out method. This has always worked well along with 'good girl' charts. Also consider punishment when she does lie - like taking away watching television, favorite toys and access to computers. You know your daughter best, what thing would she most like not to loose - and then put a time limit on it and if she behaves within that time, allow her privileges back!
2007-05-03 13:47:59 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋