My boyfriend and I have been dating nearly 5 years, prior to that we were bestfriends for 4.5. We want to get married but we are at odds because he wants to get married later so he can build an empire and give me everything I want; and I want to get married earlier and build it with him. I am not the dominating type and I want him to want to to marry me not be forced into it. How can we compromise? We are noth 23 and previously agreed on 25 but I could tell he felt pressured. I feel if I leve it in his hands it means that he will be asking me when I am 30. I am beside myself! My parents are strict ethnics and moving out or going away with him would create major problems for me and my relationship with them. On the other hand, I don't want to wait until I am 30 to share so many important things with him. We are at odds and have no idea how to resolve this issue, please - do you have any suggestions?
2007-05-03 06:34:53 · 14 answers · asked by Bella 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Marriage is obviously something that you don't want to rush into. My thought, however, is you know when you know. If the both of you want to get married to each other, then what is the point of waiting? He should want to build his empire with you, so that it can be an accomplishment that has been acquired together.
At the same time, you don't want him to feel pressured. You shouldn't want to marry him now because you have been waiting. That will only create problems later on. He may resent being pressured and, ultimately, ask for a divorce.
It is a difficult situation to be involved in. I wish you luck in your decision. Might I suggest that when you do become engaged to go through pre-marital counseling. It is an amazing experience, both beneficial and meaningful. Good Luck!
2007-05-03 06:46:09 · answer #1 · answered by October25 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the time lines of your relationship have given you a message that you don't want to hear ------ he is NOT marriage material. FIVE years is more than enough time to decide if the person is the one you want to share the rest of your life with and raise a family. What stops him from delaying and delaying the marriage? What does he need that first million, then the second? Or suddenly he finds someone else and ZAP they are married.
Stay within your family ethics, which should be important to you. Step away and tell him you are opening a new door in life. If he wants to join you, marriage is the only key to the door. And otherwise, be happy you have not spent another five or ten or twenty years waiting for him to make a commitment.
I met the man of my dreams and five months later we were married, almost forty years ago. My parents knew each other for twenty-nine days and were married more than fifty when my Dad died.
Life is short and precious. Sounds like this man's priorities and focus do not include you.
2007-05-03 06:45:45 · answer #2 · answered by banananose_89117 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is you are very smart about what you want. You realize things will have to be built and worked on, as does he. The only issue here is when. I would explain to him further how your family is, and that whether it be tomorrow or down the line you are going to want to marry him. Tell him, you appreciate what he wants to do for you, and that it can still happen, but you would like to talk about getting married sooner. If he really loves you that much he will understand where you are coming from and it may soften him up to the idea of an earlier wedding. Good luck!
2007-05-03 06:45:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am going thorough the same situation:) !!!! My BF and I will have been together for 5 years this July and I want to get married this July and he wants to wait until next July... To me a year is a long time and I know for you 2 more or 7 more years is just way to much..... We love them now but they don't understand that we want to get married now and help them mold their life and love them as wives instead of just girlfriends!!!! Just talk it over with him again and really pour out how you are deeply madly in love with him and that you want to marry him now!!!! You know cry a little and see what he says then.....
Life is too short not to do what you want to do and just LOVE!
May be you can go to my question and answer it because we have the almost exact situations....
P.S. send me an invite to the wedding and I will send you one :)!!!!
Best of luck hopeful newlywed
From another hopeful newlywed!!!!!
Your welcome thank you for answering my question:)... Your answer was the best and most sensible.
2007-05-03 06:49:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk with him. You should make it clear to him that you don't need him to be able to hand you the world on a silver platter before you get married. You love him, you've been together for years, and you want to make a formal commitment to him. Try to get him to talk to you about why he's not comfortable with getting married in two years. If you've already told him you don't need him to be able to give you everything for the two of you to get married, he may have some underlying concerns that he's not telling you about. You're right not to want to force him into getting married, but you have a right to express your concerns and know what he's thinking about the situation.
2007-05-03 06:43:18 · answer #5 · answered by Demon 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From personal experience, I got married young and it didn't work out..If you guys are really meant to be then talk again about when you would BOTH like to get married..Put it out there about your feelings about why you want to get married sooner rather than later...It is an amazing thing, talking can get most things resolved or at least started towards a successful resolution.
2007-05-03 06:53:36 · answer #6 · answered by Pumbaa1976 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he feels pressures it's not a good sign it means he isn't sure if you are the right one for him.. trust me when a man loves you, he will have no doubt about marrying you as soon as possible, Ive had some boyfriends like yours where they were unsure, but the one I have now...... we knew we were getting married as soon as we had enough money to plan our wedding.
I say leave him, take a break, he will ask you to marry him within 2 weeks. Sometimes we have to take the bull by it's horns my dear!
2007-05-03 21:59:20 · answer #7 · answered by Carla 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sometimes a man feels he needs to have the whole world ready for his bride in order to make it right! The best thing is to pressure the parents wont bless us anymore unless we settle this. His is just holding off cuz of finance most likely. Just have a smaller wedding!
2007-05-03 06:41:08 · answer #8 · answered by Mack 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've gotta leave, you really do, and you have to mean it. You really need to know what's going to come of this arrangement. Now.
Don't waste any more time. If he really wants you, you'll find out very soon, but if he doesn't want you back, you're better to know, now, than wait until you're 25 or 30 or 35 or 40 or 45 or...
Because that's when you'll find out.
2007-05-03 06:49:26 · answer #9 · answered by doovinator 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
YOU NEED TO LEAVE THE MARRIAGE STUFF IN YOUR BOYFRIENDS HANDS BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T HE WILL FEEL PRESSURED AND HE WILL RUN OFF. MY HUSBAND AND I WERE FRIENDS BEFORE WE GOT TOGETHER AND I LEFT THE MARRIAGE IN HIS HANDS YES WE TALKED ABOUT GETTING MARRIED BUT I LEFT IT UP TO HIM TO POP THE QUESTION HE DID AFTER BEING TOGETHER FOR 3MONTHS AND BECAUSE I LEFT THE MARRIAGE IN HIS HANDS WE HAVE NOW BEEN MARRIED FOR 1 YEAR AND HAVE A CHILD TOGETHER AND STILL HAS HAPPY AS WE WERE WHEN WE FIRST GOT TOGEHTER. SO JUST LET YOUR BOYFRIEND MAKE THE MOVE ON WHEN YOU GET MARRIED BECAUSE YOU'LL BE A LOT HAPPIER IF HE DECIDE WHEN TO MARRY YOU.
2007-05-03 06:49:47 · answer #10 · answered by Misti Brock 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋