he is 23 and she has just turned 17. do you think he is too old for her?

Question

as parents we think he is way too old for her.she feels the need to be with a guy older b/c she says guys her age are too inmature.she is not too mature herself.there is no respect for us as parents and our wishes for her future. you know he is the one and only.the one she wants to marry.the fact is she has run away with this guy 3 times and been locked up for that,quit school and all she is focusing on is him and what they want to do.he is promising to marry her just as soon as she turns 18.we recently found out that the reason why he wont move on with his life is b/c he says if he moves out of the pic it will leave room for another guy to come in.this is exactly what her dad and i would love to see.we would love to see her slow down and do teen things and not grow up so fast.he doesnt trust their relationship if he cant see her or talk to her on a regular basis. we want him to go away until she is an adult and then if they really love one another then it will still be there.

Answer 1

Why are you asking? What parent would allow this? What the hell is wrong with you? You want to send your kid off with a pedophile? No wonder there are so many ****** up kids, they have parents that think like this!

Answer 2

I think you need to be careful that you do not meddle.

Unfortunately, as loving parents, you may have caused some problems yourself by making him "the forbidden fruit".

I wonder whether parents make too many rules which are more for the parent's sanity and fears rather than anything else... Thus any more important comments or rules fall upon deaf ears because the impression is that you are making rules for you rather than for them.

Parents are typically too slow to recognise in early teen years that that it is the normal time to want to be independent. Thus, you should have be willing to loosen the lead somewhat a lot earlier than now.

I know it is hard, my sister was terrible, but she turned out great. I really hope you take on board what I'm saying.

Rebellion is predictable, but you can only rebel when you have something to rebel against. It does not take too much reading between the lines to realise what I am saying here... the big question now is how you choose to mend this relationship... have you not realised that your stubborn stance is not really assisting?

Good luck, and apologies if anything here comes across as rude or presumptuous.... I have a feeling I am close to the mark. Growing up is predictable.

Frankly, whatever your wishes are for her career or future relationships are irrelevant. Choose your actions wisely.

Answer 3

I agree with you and your husband totally. The two should not be together because of the age difference. This relationship between them sounds scary. I am a parent also, and if my child did something like that in about 10 years I would be a nervous reck. She is 6 now, so I still have a little bit of time. I believe that when you are a teen, you need to "find yourself" first before becoming serious with someone. She needs to do this. I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

Your sentiments are right, this guy is too old for your daughter. A minor shouldn't be dating anyone who has more then two years over her.
But I think you want to know what you can do about it. It seems that locking this guy up is not doing anything to the relationship so I would suggest that you expect her home unless she's at school. Unfortunately you can't really "stop" the relationship, but you can keep her at home as not to encourage her to continue to see this guy. Do not allow this guy to call your house or come over.
Tell her that even though she might feel guys her age are immature, she can't date adults until she is 18 and has jurisdiction over her actions. And even then he will not be allowed to come over or call because you don't approve of him (being in or contacting your house).

Answer 5

I don't believe the age is really the factor, but possibly your daughter's self esteem. This man may be giving her the attention she is looking for and it is making her happy. What to do to give her a hard dose of reality without being too obvious. What kind of a job does SHE think she will get without at least a high school education? Where does she see herself in even 5 years? Are they having sex? How would they support a child with all of the wrong paths she has taken?

I went through this myself when I was her age. It was my parents that stayed on top of me about the things in life that would make life happy for "ME". For example: Pulling into the drive-thru at McDonald's, my father would say, 'Imagine, working at McDonald's for the rest of your life. Making minimum wage, not being able to afford any luxuries you enjoy. No more vacations, no new car, no shopping sprees for new clothes because you just received a promotion or because you may be chief of staff at a hospital and have to give a speech on a new surgical procedure." Take your daughter through the paternity ward and have her see the new babies and the "HUSBANDS AND WIVES" holding their child for the first time. Let her listen to the babies cry and ask her if she is ready to wake up to that every three hours during the night. It could happen and kids her age need to be reminded that they are NOT invincible.

Stay on top of her and bring up the everyday ordeals in life that she takes for granted. Possibly invite this boyfriend over to dinner with you and your husband. If all else fails, you may have to over support her decision in keeping this relationship with this man. It may turn her off sort of speak and quit possibly end the relationship...

I am now married with three boys. The two older boys are constantly reminded the importance of school, jobs, relationships, etc.

Your daughter will be fine. Think back, most of us made these mistakes. No matter how many times our parents would say the know best or how they had been through it before. We had to go through it ourselves. Life is living, learning and hopefully learning from her mistakes.

Good luck to you. I would be interested to hear how it turns out.

Answer 6

First of all I want to say I was 17 when my parents gave me permission to date. My First Boyfriend was 24 at the time and I was so happy with him. My parents also thought the age difference was way to big and had doubts about me really being mature enough. They also didn't think I was really ready for a serious relationship with a man his age. I begged my parents for a chance and just an opportunity to really get to know this man.

As the time passed my parent's feel in love with him and now I'm 21 and him and I are still together.

Why don't you give it a chance maybe he treats her wonderfully.

Good luck in your hard decision.

Answer 7

Yes defnitly to old, specialy if she is still at school!

In my opinion a girl should go out with a guy 2-3 years older than her but 6 years is just too much. As one gets older this seem to start varing like when you are 30 a 36 year old does not sound too bad.

I am 21 and at University, if I were looking for someone I would want someone in my own stage, someone about 23. My sister is 17, she is in a total diffrint stage, her boyfriend is 19, Perfect age for her!

Answer 8

To me it sounds quite shaky. I agree with your standpoint.. of course you should feel that as a mother I'm thinking, but also just me as a person can see this as well.
I find she will be best off waiting till later with him because who knows where it is really going? He seems insecure and maybe not with her for the right reasons... "afraid if he moves on with his life (which would be a positive growth btw) it will make room for another guy" Not too secure at all.
The major prob is getting your daughter to realize this. She may know/feel it in the back of her mind despite how she tells you she is head over heels for him. Maybe she is insecure as well.
As for the running away bit and dropping out of school.. she seems headstrong in a bad way right now. Just keep guiding her the best, LOVING way you can. never give up on her no matter how far gone she may seem.. which hopefully won't be the case.
Goodluck and I'll say a prayer for you:)

Answer 9

Really age is not the issue here.You said it.It all comes down to maturity.As we age we move on and have many different interests, needs and wants.e.g at the age of 22 we are starting our careers,thinking of buying a home and starting a family...At 17 we are just trying to graduate and find our way in life.Sooooo if the 22 year old can respect the fact of the age difference and supports his girlfriends present situation and her future...Hats off to the two of you.All the best to you both.

Answer 10

If He really loved her the way he says he loved her then he would want her to finish school and maintain a happy and healthy relationship with her parents. Guys come and go but her parents will always be there for her. If shes running away to be with him, and she is starting to get in trouble then YES HE IS TOO OLD FOR HER...... If he was supporting her and having her make the right decisions regarding school and life then I would say let them try it out... but I am seeing this to be bad news!!!

Answer 11

to me age is just a number it doesnt matter if they are too old or young love is the most important part of a relationship and if they love each other (truly) and hes not just trying to get to ur fortune or in her pants then u have to rspect her decision she is almost 18 and she is capable of knowing who is wrong and bad to hang out with if they love each other and her goal is to marry this guy then so be it its not ur call its her life and she can decide she is aln=most a grown woman so give her space......and if it turns out to be a bad realationship then u will find out soon enough let time and life take its course god put them together for a reason so see what happens and go with it



all im sayin is just give her some space and let her find out if it is the right thing to do or not