my parents are control freaks and i can't escape their twisted traps, i have lost everything i love. advice?

Question

my brother was sent away at four in the morning without his previous knowledge, and i didnt' get to say goodbye. i have been banned from all my friends because my parents don't approve of them, and have at times contemplated and almost fulfilled suicide. i have cut myself before, and am having a hard time staying away from that addictive habit. my boyfriend is the only thing between me and madness.
my parents won't buy me things that i need. not want, actually NEED. they are perfectionists, and refuse to allow me personal space. my dad goes through my room, my mom reads my journals and gets my secrets.
i want to move out when i turn sixteen, but my parents refuse to allow me, instead wanting to send me to a youth correctional facility in St.George. my religious culture is pressuring me to be the perfect 'mormon', and i hate it.
i have been to counciling for a year now, and all of my councillors say that i am a normal average kid with a little bit of depression.
am i crazy or not?

Answer 1

Did your parents go through your things before or after the attempted suicide? If this is something they started doing after the matter it's probably because they are scared and feel this is the only way to know how you are feeling or if you are considering attempting it again. Sometimes, parents do things that are seen as invasive or controlling because they are trying to look out for their child(ren) but going about it the wrong way.

I think the best thing to do is for your parents and yourself to understand each others perspectives and re-establish trust.

I don't think it would be fair to label you as crazy but as someone who is feeling pressured, stressed, vulnerable as well as helpless. Be open-minded to the help you get from a counselor and try to communicate more openly and sincerely with your parents.

Answer 2

First of all, you write very well for a 14 year old. Good job! I don't think I wrote that good at your age. Anyway, I don't know why your parents are "control freaks" like you say. Do they hate all your friends? or is there one or two that you think is okay with them? Why dont you talk to your parents about how this is troubling you. If they really do care about you, they would want your opinon on the matter (i.e. sending you to St. George correctional facility). There's really nothing any of us can do here because you are still under your parent's rule (roof). I'd say finish high school and go to college. When you go to college, try to live in a dorm. In the US, once you're 18 they can no longer decide things for you and you have a right to be on your own. I'm sure your parents aren't that bad. After all, you are still living with them aren't you? And you've never been abused before right? I mean if you have, you can call the cops on them or call CPS, then you'll have a case of emancipation. But once you get emancipated, who will you live with? how will you survive? Really, that's what you have to thank them for: the shelter, the food, etc so they DO give you what you need, just not what you WANT! I think you should stop complaining so much cuz we can't do anything here! I don't know why you're depressed at 14, but that's too young to be in my opinion. Love your parents and treat them with respect. These days, teens are just too much of a spoiled brat. Back then, my parents said children were seen but not heard.

Answer 3

As a parent of 5, now all adults, I'll admit it's a hell of a job, and some of us do it better than others. For the most part, parents want you to be just like them, but without the faults, and a lot of their energy is directed towards that. I agree your space should be your own, but that becomes moot when someone has to clean it. That's when I discovered all the magazines of a very adult nature in my 15 year old's bedroom. I simply told him that if he didn't want his mother to see his collection, make them disappear, now. Sooner or later, a parent needs to trust their children, and be there when they make the inevitable mistake. It doesn't appear that your parents have reached that stage yet.

I don't know if I can really offer any 'magic bullet', but the burden will be on you to do several things:

Contact a youth services in the St George area and explain your concerns as explicity and completely as you can. I do not recommend contacting anyone connected with the LDS church as it is a patriarchial organization, and will simply remand you to your parents.

Try to give your parents nothing to look for - keep diaries, journal, notes, phone numbers elsewhere not at home. If they cannot accept you boundaries, hide yours.

Suicidal thoughts are not signs of a healthy self. I strongly urge you to seek counsoling either from school health officials, or Washington County health officials. You sound articualte and should present a clear picture of your concerns to professionals who can help.

Please take care, take the advice that's best for you.

Answer 4

Honey, I'm saying this with love..... If you're cutting yourself and contemplating suicide, it's no wonder your parents are going through your things. They're WORRIED about you and they're taking the only preventative measures available to them. They can't afford to allow you much personal space, for fear they may find you DEAD! I'm not a professional therapist, but based on what you've said, I think you have more than just a LITTLE bit of depression - you have serious issues. It sounds like you are giving your parents cause for concern, so they don't have much choice about the "control freak" thing. I'm not certain that a correctional facility is the answer - have you broken the law or something? Are they filing unruly juvenile charges against you? If you want to be treated with respect, you have to exhibit respectful behavior. I'm not seeing any indication of that in your details.

You are a normal teenager in the sense of experiencing feelings of rebellion toward your parents and your religion. This too shall pass... But as long as you live with your parents, you are legally obligated to live by their rules; and as long as they are providing a stable, secure home environment for you, I don't know of a judge in this country that would award you emancipation. They're more likely to recommend you be confined to a mental health facility for observation, based on your cutting and thoughts of suicide.

You don't say how old your brother is, where he was sent, or why he was sent away. This whole situation is very sad. My heart is burdened for your family. God is there and waiting for you to ask Him for help....please let Him help you.

Answer 5

all parents love their children and try to do the best they can. Are they abusive? Do you have clothes to wear? Are you fed? Is education provided? a place to sleep? Take at look at the lives of some children who don't live in the USA. Check out Africa and Asia and India and Sout America before you label your parents and life as something to be over. There are kids who would do it for you to take your spot.

suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

got to invisiblechildren.com, or one.com and read about these

stop resisting and just go with your parents rules and know that your on this planet because we need you and what you have to offer IS valuable and important-- homeless orphans eating from garage dumps sleeping next to their mothers dead decaying bodies know this about themselves. That they have worth--and so do you miss.

Answer 6

There is a very large difference between control and safety. Especially with a sentient creature like a human being, it is morally wrong to attempt to control every detail of their lives after a certain point. A human being who does not need to be dependent on another human being should have the ability to make their own choices. Marriage should not be about a handover of control from parents to partner. Humans are not property, and one should not have kids only to control them as adults and to not allow their own personal freedom.

Answer 7

You're not crazy.

Will your parents let you get a job? Try that. That will get you out of the house and you can save money to move out of the house.

Personally I moved out when I was 17 but I had a couple of jobs and a place to live.

Answer 8

They are doing this all because they love you, and want to protect you,but not only are they doing that but they are also harming you.

Everyone needs space & privacy,i agree,but they are not letting you do that,
i think its time for you to confess,and talk to your parents what they are doing to you,
If they don't agree with you,i suggest you save up money and move out, or you can move in with someone you know.

Good luck!

x

Answer 9

Assuming that you are not a troll, and you are telling the truth, you have a problem. No one with a "little bit of depression" cuts themselves or tries to commit suicide. Those things are, IMHO, reserved for people who have a MAJOR depression.

Answer 10

Are you LDS? This is not normal parenting behavior! Especially from LDS parents! Can you talk to your bishop?