How do I break the ice and reunit my self with my brother?

Question

I havent spoken to my brother in over ten years. My mother died the year before, the family had financial pressures , I was 19 pregnant and my brother and his then wife did a few mean things to me. I tried to forgive straight away but felt sick, kind of stressed. When i acknowedge my brothers part in the process i felt better. I waited for an appology, thats all i wanted but ten years have passed. Partly because i moved to another city. I now live in a near by city but can not pluck up the courage to call. i know he would speak to me. But we are strangers now. what would i say to him, I couldnt sit in his house and fill an hours worth of conversation. He is getting on a bit and i would like to have some sort of relationship. But am very shy, no partner, one child, lots of problems, stress at work, this is another isssue. Your advice &suggestions. Thanks

Answer 1

Perhaps he is not sorry...his wife controls him.

Answer 2

Difficult as it is, waiting longer might not make things any easier. Maybe you need to bite the bullet and try to make contact with your brother. Maybe you could write him a letter explaining you miss your brother and want to see him (and see if you two can have a relationship now, not based on the past troubles). A lot of water has passed under the bridge. Maybe your child would like to meet their uncle, and vice versa. Try to keep it casual and see how it goes. A life lived in fear is a life half-lived, so they say. Maybe it won't go well, but you are both older now and family is not always easy, and add in stress including grief, and this can make it even more tricky. Still, blood is thicker than water, and if you think it is worth trying (sounds like you do), then I reckon give it a go. At least that way you are giving your brother a chance to respond how he wants to (and you won't know what that will be if you don't make the effort). Good luck.

Answer 3

I was estranged from my brother for 23 years and had the opportunity to speak with him 2 years ago. At that time is when I found out my mother died 3 months earlier and she didn't want me to know.

I tried for 5 months to rekindle the last 23 years but it was very difficult as he felt like a total stranger to me. Even his voice was strange to me. His phone calls were very hard on me as he was still stuck in the same place 23 years ago as he is an alcholic, but stopped drinking a few years back.

My mother and brother shut me out and I carried that pain for a long, long time.

On February 4, 2007 my brother died all alone in a charity hospital indicating he had no family. He was 60 1/2 years old. I feel the loss deeply of my brother but very thankful that I did speak with him in 2005.

I highly suggest you make the call, and at least say "hi". If he doesn't going anywhere at least you tried!

Answer 4

its a sad story hun but at the end of the day you have a choice to make.. u can either give up and keep goin the way your going or pick up the phone. Family is the most important thing in the world you have already lost a lot of time with him and spend a good part of your life without him... do you really want to miss anymore?
If you do contact him things wont be all great at first but in time you'll be able to mend the rift and have your brother back... u just have to decide if its really worth it

Answer 5

Try a letter - that does not put you straight in a situation with him and allows you to think carefully what you say.
Sadly it is so hard to resuscitate a relationship like this - when you think about it we mostly talk about trivial things with friends and relations. Try sticking to those things that you might both have good memories off to share.
Try Parentline plus for a sympathetic ear. You don't necessarily have to be having problems with your child to talk to them. They are on 0808 808 2222

Answer 6

I sayw screw calling, walk your happy butt over and sit on his steps until he comes home from work. Being family and having the courage to start over again is very rewarding but don't let the little things stop you from accomplishing your goals.

Answer 7

I think you should send letters to him first. And ask him to reply. If he phones you or send a letter back, you are in success. But if he doesn't, you should try to send him some cards at festivals. After a certain time, phone him.

Try to make him remember the days you two have before. When you two are young, there must be good memorries/

Answer 8

go and see him, dont phone,take adeep breath and say, i know its been a long time since we spoke and i know weve all had our problems but i really miss you and hate not being close to you, and would really like the chance to get back freinds with you , i really miss not having you as my brother.

you will feel happy inside knowing you have done the fight thing... and then just leave it up to him what he wants to do about things but dont force things...good luck

Answer 9

write him a short letter first...put your number and email addy in the note...then wait and see what happens.,...if he does not write back or call within 10 days then maybe he does not want any contact with you....but give it a try and see what happens...you may be pleasantly surprised....good luck...

Answer 10

Just call him, fingers crossed he will want to talk but be prepared for a cold reception

Answer 11

Just pick up the phone and dial.