Bereavement card etiquette?

Question

This is regarding the cards "announcing" that a loved one has passed away. My father and his sister have not had relations the past 4 years due to misunderstanding with her boyfriend. My auntie passed away (rest in peace) and my father along with us, his children, did not get a formal card nor did they make a posting in the newspaper. We, on the other hand, send bereavement cards to the boyfriend and to my aunties children (from previous marriages) on the same day as her passing. Should my father, or at the very least his children, have received a notice?

Clearly they did not want any of us at the funeral, and we respected their wishes in their time of sorrow

ps. This question is not asking for pity, or an all about me question, but one out of curiousity about etiquette in such matters.

Answer 1

The sending of a card announcing the death is not something we do in Australia usually you find out from some one telephoning you and then we either attend the funeral and send a card to show your friendship in sorrow. ~~

Answer 2

Really, the nice thing to do would have been to let the feud rest for a day, and the BF, or chief mourner, should have sent the card. Nobody said the mourners have to throw their arms around each other and cry, but a nice thanks for coming, from the BF [assuming he was the chief mourner, standing in the receiving line] would have been polite.
And your family was right, you should send a condolence card, no matter what . And you respected their wishes, and didn't go to the funeral. Very classy.
Actually, in my neck of the woods, if there is a visitation, anyone can go.The funeral home puts a notice in their ad in the newspaper.. And if there was an obituary in the newspaper announcing the visitation, then, anyone can go. If they were inviting only certain people, it should have said so, or not post a notice at all.
The way around it, if you feel bad about not being able to pay your respects, is to visit the grave, with a little flower token. [check with the cemetery for their rules, some, like the one my parents are in, are very strict.] You can pay your respects, leave flowers, and not upset the BF. At least, not as much.

Answer 3

You should have been notified in some fashion. If the boyfriend felt uncomfortable in taking care of it himself, he could have arranged for a close friend or other family member to do it.

I come from a family where long ridiculous feuds are the norm, but there are still always phone calls to notify one another of a death in the family. It is a matter of showing respect for both the deceased (i.e. this is a matter of highest importance, all other things fall away to the side) and surviving family members.

Answer 4

it's going to be comprehensible in case you bypass over sending Christmas playing cards this 3 hundred and sixty 5 days. If there are human beings available who do not study the bereavement then you actually can ask those human beings on the funeral who reported that if there develop into something they could do purely to allow them recognize, ask them to jot down Christmas playing cards on your behalf explaining the mission. i'm sorry to hearken to about your loss.

Answer 5

Your father should have been notified. This was his sister.

This sort of fued is v. destructive and probably over something v. silly compared to your aunt's death.

Try not to hold a grudge and move forward. Continuing the fued accomplishes nothing but more pain.

You don't have to be buddies with her family, but everyone being civil would be a good start.

Sorry to hear this.

Answer 6

Someone should have either called or sent a card. I think proper etiquette is to make sure that everyone who would care about the person should be notified.

Answer 7

yes your father should have received a notice. maybe they were following your aunt's wishes. best to let it pass.