How to control son of 19y old?

Question

My son is 19y old, doing his 4sem in engg.college- He is lazy and entirely dependant on his mother for all his daliy chores- also adamant and angry young man, but intellignt guy- He doesn't listen to any one of us, me or his mother? worried too much of his future? Plz help me whether to consult psychologist or counsellor?

Answer 1

Look, as far as I can see it, he's getting a free ride and he's treating you like crap. Time to drop the hammer.

He does his daily chores or he gets out.
He treats you with respect or he moves.

Sit him down, talk to him and tell him that he has to shape up. That you are more than happy to have him live with you, under your roof so long as he follows some basic guidelines. No one else would put up with that crap. He's an adult so stop treating him like a spoiled child. No psychologist or counsellor needed, he's only treating you the way you've allowed him to treat you for too long.

Answer 2

Being lazy and dependent is not unique. My son is 17 and is the same. The good thing is he is going to college. That shows some initiative. If I were you I would personally lay off him, I would be less available to assist him in his daily chores. At the same time if you are getting on him about being lazy and depenedent he's probably be defensive and angry because of the hostilities. I'd go pick up a hobby if i were you and get out of the house more so that you're not there when he needs you. Maybe he'll have to learn to do things for himself.

Once he's done college.. Tell him adios amigo.. and he'll figure it out... But until that time you should really be there for him.

- R

Answer 3

You are right - you should get help from somebody who knows how to handle cases like that (and surely with right tactics you can!). It could be a psychologist or a social worker with psychological background. Call some up, and ask if this is a job for them. Even better, ask for recommendations from people you know.
But do seek professional advice - because the success depends on HOW you do it! I had a difficult situation in the family and only through the tactics that a professional recommended I succeeded to make it right!

Answer 4

What you need is a spine, not a psychologist or counsellor. Put your foot down and stop being this brat's doormat. If he is living with you, he must accept certain rules which YOU make (since it's YOUR house), such as chores he will be responsible for, polite behaviour towards his parents, etc. If he doesn't like those rules, he can move out. It sounds like you have been letting him get away with being an insufferable moron for far too long already. I don't care how intelligent an engineer he might be, if he hasn't learned to treat his parents with the gratitude and respect they deserve, he is an idiot.

Answer 5

He is an adult, however he is still living in your home. I highly suggest you all just plain STOP doing anything for him. No washing clothes, no cooking for him, no nothing at all. If he needs money he can go out and get a part-time job. If he leaves things around the house, just pick them up and throw them in his room and close the door. No lending of the family car and so on.

Rules should have been in place for him YEARS ago but it looks like this didn't happen.

Once he finishes college, then out he goes on his own. You all need to sit down with him and tell him exactly what your plans are and these are the rules. If he doesn't like it, then he knows how to open the door and leave.

Now, if ever, it is important to do this and STICK with it.

Answer 6

sometimes life is learned the hard way.
my son started down the same road you are talking about. I talked to a old timer at work who told me this...... I did it, and it worked.
my son come home and his bags were packed and sitting on the steps. I changed the locks on the door. I opened it long enough to tell him he was grown now, and i had fulfilled my duty as hes father by law.
By love I would do more, but not the way he was acting. I told him come back in a few days if he thought he wanted to live with respect and act like a man. he pounded and pounded, and i had the police come and remove him from the property.
He showed up a weel later, dirty....hungry and wore out.
he was a changed boy........he was a young man from there on out.
the trick with any kid is for them to understand...... you will go to the extreem to teach them.
I won't even tell you how much I worried, wondered, while he was gone.
But i held my ground and now I am glad i did. everyone has to grow up. some have to be shown how......goodluck........

Answer 7

I would sit down with him and let him know that the situation at hand is unacceptable to you as his father. That you, as his parents want to him to have the best situation while in school but that his learning to be an adult is as important. Give him a choice between living with you and his mother (under specific conditons) while in college or to pay for half of his own apartment/dorm room (offer to pay half or less depending upon your finances which requires your son to find at least a part-time job). If he chooses home set some rules that you and your wife would expect him to adhere to but, at the same time I caution you to be flexible when it comes to his ability to come and go in terms of his social life. Sit down with him and figure out the details of your situation so that everyone is clear on what is expected. You really do need to encourage him to become as independent as possible. As far as the chores go, I would expect him to care for himself as well as contribute to the good of the house. Include this in your conditions for living at home. Just try to deal with this a issue which requires level headed conversation and negotiation (which are both wonderful skills to teach your child). Good luck!!!

Answer 8

attempt a diverse mind-set. he's of route searching for some interest from you, so attempt praising him and rewarding him at the same time as he does something proper (no count number number how insignificant it truly is!). He might want to reply by doing extra issues proper. If there's a time that he's being quiet and behaved (even if it truly is in basic terms b/c he's taking area in or doing something like observing television) make a remark about how solid he's being. also, you may desire to attempt something relaxing like setting up a chart on the refrigerator with 7 columns for the days of the week going for the time of and a catalogue of chores he might want to be doing taking position the area (like making his mattress, choosing up his toys on the right of the day, brushing his the teeth etc.) and a magnet for each. Have a magnet for being a "solid boy" on the very bottom. bypass them alongside for each component that he does on a daily basis so he can watch his progression. on the right of the week if he he has all his magnets contained in the no. 7 spot he receives to do something particular with mom and pa, like bypass to the films or the zoo etc. the solid boy magnet is there to be moved backwards or forwards searching on how properly he behaves. If he acts up, provide him a caution first and then if he nevertheless would not pay interest bypass the magnet again an section. He can earn an section again in a while in case you provide him something extra to do. you are able to come to a decision what the rewards are in accordance with what number magnets make it to the no. 7 spot ~ a manage, a small toy, play a board recreation etc. yet make useful the tremendous reward is something particular! playstation ~ your son would not desire to be *afraid* of you want lots of the ppl here are suggesting. He needs to well known you. in case you educate him you're the boss (for example, by being on proper of problems with the magnets or perhaps if he receives his rewards or no longer) he will study that he's no longer the single on proper of issues and could behave likewise. You do have be be consistent and stern at the same time as necessary. Get right down to his element and look him contained in the interest once you verify with him, do not in basic terms shout and holler or it will in basic terms bypass with the help of one ear and out the different. quite, if hitting and yelling worked, why might want to you want to save doing it?

Answer 9

He is 19 and you cant force him into therapy. Does he feel he has a problem? His mother needs to stop treating him like a baby and force him to be independent by doing his own chores. You can not expect someone to grow up if you continue to treat them as if they are a child.

Answer 10

I think u better allow him to enjoy teenage...my younger brother is 19yrs old and he is everything disobedient.He is an intelligent young man, always first in class as a Pure science stud but hates to be controlled and he gets mad at everyone who dares him and once he gets annoyed, he leaves the house for 24 hours then comes back only to sleep.refusing to eat.Well we all think its a strange attitude but thats how teenagers do .He will change in a year or two.