Did you experience extreme jealousy of families w/children when you lost your child?

Question

I have been so jealous lately of families w/children, especially twins (I lost my twin sons at 20 weeks on Dec. 23rd 2006)

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=106412&id=771890248
my beautiful sons

http://www.xanga.com/futuremrswiley
Pictures of my babies...this one works

Answer 1

I'm sorry about the loss of your babies. Its very painful to loose a child and feelings of jealousy are normal. I lost my son at 24 weeks. Although, I have a 5 year old, I became very jealous and angry at women who had newborns or babies. I did not want to be near pregnant women and would be come angry with them for no reason.
As you go through grief, you'll notice all sorts of feelings of angry and jealousy. It will get easier as time goes on. Times never heals wounds but tends to soften them.

Answer 2

I really feel for you. And let me just say before I get started that it gets better. It really does. I lost a daughter at 24 weeks and had a very hard time with jealousy, hate, sadness, loathing, self-pity, and why does everyone seem so danged happy when my world is closing in around me. It seemed as though everywhere I turned there was a pregnant woman or a newborn, and everybody around me was HAPPY. I had to plod though life taking it a day, an hour, a minute at a time, to make it through. Let me tell you, there are no hard or fast answers. You just have to take the time to heal and know that no matter how you feel, it is OK to feel that way. Time does heal all wounds and it will this one too. I know this sounds hard, but get involved with a group such as kinder mourn or the like. There is usually a group your doctor or hospital can help you in to. It helps to know you aren't the only one out there, and it gives you a shoulder to cry on when you feel no one else really cares. Please believe me when I say that you will feel better.

Answer 3

I am really sorry that you have to go through this.
I lost my baby at 40 weeks 5 years ago and I am still very jealous of other families who seem so carefree with their babies and just get pregnant without a care. I have been blessed with 2 other children but still can not go to baby showers. I think what you are feeling is so normal and very much a part of grieving one of the worst things that can happen to a woman.
Again, I am very sorry you have to go through this.
It hasn't even been 5 months since you lost your babies. I am sure it was worse as you got close to your due date.
It will take a while until you can look at other families and not be sad.

Answer 4

I just want to start by saying how sorry I am for the loss of your two beautiful angel babies.
To answer your question about jealousy, my answer is Yes, I experienced extreme jealousy when I lost my child. My baby girl was born Jan. 10, 2003 at 21 weeks. Two of my best friends had girls that same year, one in March, the other in May, just days after my due date. I did go to one friend's baby shower and that was a mistake. For a long time, I couldn't be around either of them, and they both seem to understand because they wouldn't mention their babies unless I asked. Even now when I see them I wonder what my daughter would have been like, since she would have been their age.
Also, I became much more critical of peoples' parenting styles. I was not hostile towards them, just inside I would judge them.
I got mad at God for a while, but thankfully got over it. Not that I am that religious, but I have always benifitted from prayer when faced with trauma.
It took a long time, and not a day goes by that I do not think about her. The way I see it, I will not ever get over it, (and why would I want to), but I will get through it. And actually, I have gotten through a lot of it. You will too. But it is going to take time. Do whatever you think you may need to do to help you. I used to write letters to my daughter. Sometimes, I didn't even make any sense to anyone but myself. If I wanted to just curl up in bed for a day or two or whatever, then I did. I would visit her grave and made it a point to take a different kind of flower to her each time. I added her name to several memorial websites for babies. And my son and I celebrate her birthday (and her death day) every year by getting cupcakes, lighting the same pink birthday candle and blowing it out together, and we tell her "Happy Birthday".
I did attend grief counseling for a few months in the beginning. It really made a difference. Maybe that is something you would also be interested in, if you have not tried it already.
I want to add, I am now 21 weeks pregnant, and just found out today that it is a boy. Up until a few weeks ago, I was convinced I was having a girl, till I realized I was just wishing for another baby girl. When the sonographer said boy, and I saw for myself, I have to admit I was shocked and for a split second, disappointed. But I quickly got over it, as he went on to tell me how healthy he looked and that everything looked perfect.
I wish you the best. Just know you will get through this. And I hope I don't offend you by telling you that you will be a stronger person after this. You have no choice.

Answer 5

Hi there, I am very sorry for your loss. I looked at your webpage. They are beautiful. Three of the potential names you picked are my 3 kids names. I felt compelled to answer your question. My friend lost twins about the same amount of time in the pregnancy as you did. She had a funeral for them. She had a really hard time and still does. They had twin to twin transfusion. I worried about becoming pregnant because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She has gone on to have two more children a year and a half apart. She feels like they are twins. I will pray for you that you will have children in your future. I am sure it is particularily hard, as they should have been born soon.

Answer 6

i exploit to be the comparable way. This family contributors i comprehend practically offered the pony i replaced into leasing on the time. i replaced into fairly pissed off (thankfully the deal flopped). This family contributors is particularly prosperous and that they controlled to visit a captivating $a million,000,000+ living house with horse property and went out and offered 3 horses all in below a three hundred and sixty 5 days. i replaced into fairly green with envy because of fact no longer in straight forward terms did they purchase 3 horses, yet they moved to a community i wanted i ought to stay in on the time. yet you already know what i eventually found out? they do no longer understand jack $hit. Their horses are horribly experienced because of fact they are undesirable riders. they might have the money, yet they helpful have not got the certainty! I additionally found out that I practically have a much better deal at my barn, in that i'm getting get admission to to 10 diverse arenas- the only section they get is a community one! So the factor is, there is often deception in materialism. What you haven't got you ever additionally could make up in awareness. in case you get annoyed approximately your buddy conversing approximately her horse, in basic terms replace the priority. or do in basic terms no longer respond. in case you look disinterested, then she'll get the message. are you able to finished-hire or 0.5-hire a horse? That way you should holiday primary. it is like possessing your very own horse, when you consider which you are the only different guy or woman (different than for the landlord) looking after the animal, and it is a heck of a lot extra inexpensive (you would be able to wind up paying $a hundred-$3 hundred month-to-month). in basic terms throwing that available.

Answer 7

I know i would.. I just lost a baby a week ago.. and another one in june of last year.. And to see a baby now just makes me feel like I have been hit in the chest a thousand times. You will feel this way for a while..

Answer 8

I am so sorry for your loss. i think u should just allow yourself to feel the jealousy and not try to fight it or feel guilty about it.

I have never felt such a loss as u have experienced but i do know about grivance through other losses. i know that the pain is here forever, but as time goes on it will lesson.

i think u should grieve and talk about your little angels. plant a tree in their memory or donate some time at the hospital your babies were in (if u r ready for that).

Answer 9

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think it's totally normal and understandable to feel this way. My cousin and his wife just buried their second child -- both of their babies died within the first six months of life -- and they have a really hard time being around their own nieces and nephews. Give yourself time to heal -- the void will never disappear, but one day it won't hurt quite as much as it does now. Just like a physical wound, the scar will still be there, but it won't bleed anymore.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry you lost your babies. How terribly sad for you and them.

When my father died unexpectedly and suddenly last year, I found myself really jealous when I'd see a man about my father's age go by, with a spouse or adult child. My first reaction would be blinding hate, really. Now, I try to be happy for them. But, it took a long time. And that was my dad, not my babies.

I'm so sorry. Peace and comfort to you.