How do I handle a suppressed memory?

Question

Triggered by otherwise meaningless things that happened today. Explains wierdnesses I've shown over the years.
Suppressed for 30 years because it would be deemed immoral by my family and church which led to guilt that I couldn't reconcile. Not traumatic other than my own guilt from it.
I could have left the situation but chose not to.
Not illegal or planned or initiated by me, not done against anyone's will, wouldn't harm anyone except the boat it would rock for my family & some friends. I'm very conscienscious of morals & mores honoring them for the love of other people & respect for their beliefs.
When this memory came back, I remembered my guilt but I don't believe what I did was wrong. It was a first act I took apart from my upbringing, not rebellion. I'm having trouble with this & looking for ways to address it?
I'm considering the following; other serious ideas are appreciated:

-Acting it out
-Revealing it to someone I trust not to judge me
-Religious elders (may put me back where I started)

I posted this question in Mental health as well, just want to consider it from different perspectives.

I know it is a suppressed (not repressed) memory and I suppressed it myself because I could not reconcile the guilt with my knowing what I did was not wrong. I was too young then to understand these things so I pushed it out of my mind until I didn't remember it any more.

barry-f - Thank you, your answer helps a lot for my Catholic background. And your reply reminded me of
1 Corinthians 8 (meat offered to idols) to help even more. I'm selecting T-Rex for the best answer though because that one focuses more on finding my way through Christ who is in us than on the "law" from which we've been freed through Jesus Christ.

Answer 1

It is very simple to hand this condition. Your repressed memories are being triggered by other memories of things around you when the negative experience was created. It could be a chair, a lamp, of even a color that some how got anchored in your subconscious memory banks. This is why you have reaction to thing that do not make sense. You are not aware of it but it will return an emotional response that just don't make sense.

You have to find a person that you feel very comfortable that will not invalidate your point of view. We have many conflicting moral issues. It will take a person to help you work out your issues based on your own moral code not their own. Only you can decide what is best for you in the end. You just want to find a objective facilitator to help you through this. It doesn't matter what the situation or how bad you may perceive your issue to be. It is a very kind thing to do to help a person return back to normal life without guilt of bad feelings.

I handle this type of stuff with friends and lovers just through talking it out with them. That is all it takes and don't need drugs of any type to handle this. Of course everyone believes their issues are the biggest thing in the world but we all have common experiences like these that in the end are no a big deal.

Answer 2

If you don't believe what you did was wrong, then why do you have guilt?

That is a very important question to be answered.

If you are a Christian then you should know that all sins can be forgiven if you repent (except refussing to believe in Jesus).

I would say you are lying to yourself about what you did "not being wrong"

In your condition right now, to depend on a "religious leader" may not be your best choice...

Go first to your local mental health and get an evaluation and go from there.

If you do have problems, then going "only" to a religious leader would not be the best thing (even if you are a Christian)

It is ok to seek help outside the Christian realm for this sort of problem...

You do need to pray if you are a Christian but remember that God also gives the knowledge of healing medical and mental problems outside the church too.

Do not miss understand I am not saying you are crazy only that from personal experiance (I did things when I was younger that only God, my doctor and me know about) and seeking help made me a better Christian, and person.

Answer 3

I would suggest that you see a Christian counselor. If you believe it would not help matters with your family, then it might be best left between you and a trusted counselor or psychologist. Another question...Are you sure this "suppressed memory" is really a memory? Sometimes the brain creates things or there may be repeated dreams that could be mistaken for real memories. How is it, since it was not traumatic, that it was repressed?

By the way, the more one tries to suppress a memory, the more they will think about it, at least at some later time. My thoughts for you is that you work this out with someone you can trust, so you may be able to get to the point where this doesn't bother you anymore.

Answer 4

I am so sorry that you must go through this, but perhaps I can help you ease your mind. Guilt comes in two flavors. "Righteous Guilt" happens when we do something wrong and we know it. It inspires us to be better people. "Evil Guilt" just makes us feel bad, and drains our emotions. It leaves us feeling dirty and wothless.

When Righteous Guilt falls upon us, it is God reminding us that we are off the mark. God does not want to destroy you, but get you back on track.

When Evil Guilt comes along it is most certainly NOT God. Satan is actively trying to pull you down and away from God. You can remove both from your life.

First of all, you must decide if this was something that offended God. That, of course, must take precedence. If your action was against God's Word, then your first order of action is to make things right with Him.

You do not need an elder or other "Church Official" to do this, but for some folks it helps to have an understanding human shoulder to rely on.

Start with a prayer, but just talk to God. Tell Him what you did, and how you feel about it. God already knows all this, but the act of confession helps you to understand and deal with the issue. You have two things to do. First, apologize to God for you sin. Second, you must truly repent. Repent means to turn away from sin.

If your sin was a one time event, that should be no big problem. If this is the type of sin that you keep doing, things will be harder, but not impossible. You will be tempted to continue, but when you feel the temptation start up, go directly to prayer, and ask for the strength to resist. Then physically turn away. Go and do something else.

Please understand that immediatly upon a true request for forgiveness, it is granted. You are fully restored in God's sight, as if the sin never happened. If you are just playing with God, I am supposing that you get what you give -- nothing.

Now all you have left is the human beings involved. They can be trickier to deal with.

Decide if it is reasonable to confess to your family, friends, or whomever. I say this because your description sounds to me like there was no consequence, and no one was hurt, harmed or offended by it.

If that is truly the case, what good would come of your confession to the people around you?

On the other hand, if someone suffered because of you sin, that person (or people) are the ones who deserve an honest confession and apology. They deserve to have their hurt recognized, and tended to.

Make an honest effort to do this, but keep in mind that these are human beings, too, and are imperfect. They cannot truly hold this against you if they profess to be Christians, but if they have trouble forgiving, try to understand their weakness and move on. Give them every opportunity to come to their senses, though.

Does any of this help?

Answer 5

Talk to #2 on your list and as a last resort ask if it leads to #3