Why is it always this way?

Question

Ok, I was once in love with a guy who had cancer. I stayed with him all the way through it. As he was almost completely in remission, I started having hallucinations and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Because of this, he left me. What is the difference? I'm not a violent person. I dont want to hurt anyone. I dont understand. It was once said "Schizophrenia is to psychiatry as Cancer is to medicine". Why do people with mental illnesses get treated differently? We didnt do anything to deserve our illness! We didnt choose it. We're sick. We're not demon possessed. We need love and support and understanding. I know that no one can truly know what its like unless they also have a mental illness. But I do expect people to treat me as though I am still a person with feelings, emotions, and opinions. I am posting this for everyone who is mentally ill and is treated the same way as I am.

Answer 1

Hang on to yourself in the face of this prejudice and fear and don't ever lose your sense of humor. That's what keeps me going. Insist on dignity from yourself as well as those who are in the world around you. Thank you for putting yourself out there for us.

Answer 2

I have bipolar disorder, a slightly less stigmatizing illness. I have lost a lot of relationships too, and I don't think it's fair either, but there isn't anything that I can do about it. So I try to accept my losses as best I can, and move on. I see a counselor twice a month to help me cope with the disability and relationship problems and get social support at a drop in center for others with mental illnesses. My husband is supportive too, I am so very lucky there. It was my second marriage, tho, my first marriage was a disaster due in large part to bipolar disorder.

I really think it's crappy what you went thru. But another truth is that women will stick by a sick man much more readily than a man will stick by a sick woman, so it may have little to do with exactly what you were sick with. If you got breast cancer and needed nursing, there's a good chance he would have left you then, too. I know that is a generalization about men, but there are studies that show what I say. So it may be that he was just not a nurturing person. My ex mother in law got colon cancer, and her husband of 20 years divorced her because she was sick.

Hope that helped. If you're not seeing a counselor, I'd recommend it. There is so much to deal with when you have severe and persistent mental illness, fallout from reduced income, substandard housing, loss of career, maybe no kids or the kids were taken away, etc. etc.

All the best to you!!!

Answer 3

I am not saying this is what you did, but just imagine this:

What if he found out he had Cancer and refused to get treatment? If you begged him to go to chemo but he refused? If he said there was no point in treating it because he was going to die anyway? Or what if he claimed he had it under control and didn't need to go to the doctors?

Those are things that some people with mental problems do when they are diagnosed. You probably didn't do any of those things, but he may have been afraid that you would start.

It sucks that mental problems are seen so differently than physiological ones. While physiological sicknesses tend to galvanize relationships, mental ones tend to hurt them. But in either case, refusing treatment is a very bad thing.

Answer 4

You are so right in what you believe to be true. There is much you cannot see in your social group and they will keep to their ways even if it affects your mental health. Only you will change in the end to adopt 'the ways of all the earth'. Schizophrenia is an illness that comes after years of depression . Learn all about depression to recover your life. reach out to those who have recovered from the 's' illness. Only they can speak freely to you . Try to contact them . You have suffered alone long enough. Later you will help others too.

Answer 5

I am sorry your boyfriend jilted you. I too was diagnosed with schizophrenia years ago and my wfe of 14 years divorced me as a result. In my case I realize I changed with the onset of the symptoms.

Most schizophrenics who hallucinate are so preoccupied with coping with the voices and apparitions that they become socially withdrawn. Their delusions, which are a method of trying to explain to themselves and others the things that are happening to them, also put people off. They can be pretty wierd explanations for the voices and sightings. As you grow older and the symptoms decrease or disappear you will recognize how strange your behavior and delusions seemed to others.

I no longer have hallucinations (it's been near 10 years since I have "heard" a voice) but my family (I have 4 children who are grown) still are very cautious around me and handle me with "kid gloves". But it has been the TLC of the VA and my family (incuding my former wife) which has been in large part instrumental in my recovery I am still taking medications (risperdal) but that TLC is more important to me.

I suggest really remembering your boyfriend for what you had and forgiving him for his misunderstanding your needs. If you can forgive him in your heart it will certainly help you put the slight behind you. Dwelling on it can only reinforce your keeping the hurt alive. Take care!

Good luck in your future relations, good health, peace and love!

Answer 6

I'm sorry he broke up with you and i cant imagine how much that must hurt. You have a condition that with proper medication and therapy you can live a normal active life. It goes to show that you are a good person to stand by his side through out his disease, and its pathetic that he wouldn't do the same for you. You deserve someone who will be with you through all the ups and downs. Don't settle for less.

Answer 7

he doesn't deserve you.. i had the same problem and i suffered from people too. i used to think that it was because of my illness and used to blame myself for it.. but now that I'm healed and feel much better, i KNOW that it wasn't my fault that people used to act weird around me.. it's because even though i was sick, i was still special because i had a sweet and kind heart ( like you ) and that's what scared them.. in other words, if they are healthy and couldn't be half the person you are, so what if they were sick???? (like your boyfriend).. you are a good person, don't ever change.. except for the best ;-)
Good luck, hope u feel better soon

Answer 8

Fear and ignorance drive these harmful prejudices.

Answer 9

if he didn't want you for a stupid reason then you don't want him anyway.....people are afraid of things they don't understand...good luck!