Is it 'normal' to make over your child's every bump and bruise?

Question

I've been attending a play group for quite some time now with my [15mo] son. He's a rowdy boy but is very friendly with other kids. He falls over, bumps his head around, gets scraps, plays on play grounds, and is just rough 'n' tumble. Since he could walk I’ve had him outside play and he’s extremely active.

The other kids my son's age at the play group aren't like this at all. I noticed their parents would make over their every fall and then worry about my son when he didn't cry after hitting his head or getting a toy taken from him. They would run to their children when they fell over or did something that could have hurt then the child would end up crying.

Is it that uncommon to have a child who doesn't cry unless sometime hurts really badly? Is it 'normal' for me to not make big deal over every little hardship that comes his/her way?

I'm not saying these parents are wrong. I just wonder whatever happened to allowing kids to be kids.

Thanks!

Yes, he does react to pain or else I'd be really worried. He just cries when something is really bad not just because he fell. I'm sorry, I should've made that clear.

Answer 1

You are doing the right thing. Parents who make a big deal over injuries do NOTHING good for the child.

Answer 2

Hey, I'm the mom of an active boy too! I think you are teaching your child independence by not running to him with every bump and bruise. He will grow up not being afraid of every little thing and depending on you to cure every little tiny problem. My son is very active too. I hold my breath when he falls. He falls so naturally and relaxed that he doesn't get hurt. If I gasp loudly and run to him, he will learn to tense up and if he is not relaxed when he falls, he is more likely to get hurt.

I think the biggest problem with some parents is the fear of being reported for child abuse if your kid is covered with bumps and bruises. Unfortunately, the child care services have become so reactionary that any parent with any sense is afraid to take their kid out if he has a scratch. That may be the fear the other parents in your play group have. I know I had it for a long time. My babysitter said that her friend works closely with children, and that girl said that trained professionals can immediately tell abuse from the normal bumps and bruises of an active child. I don't know if that's true or not but you are right, kids should be allowed to be kids.

Answer 3

You and your child are the slightly strange ones.

When a woman gets pregnant there are massive changes in their body, even in their brains. A mother’s brain rewires itself so that she actually gets more pleasure out of taking care of her child then out of sex. This is programmed in our genes and is part of our basic instincts. So it is common for women to come running when their child gets the slightest bruise. This also explains why mothers don’t drown their children at birth.

Of course this constant mothering and babying your child can turn him into a “mamma’s boy.” In extreme cases it can be the foundation of an Oedipus Complex, of course the chances of this happening are less than 1%. But, in your case those chances plummet.

Scientists have found one way that children develop asthma. When they are coddled too much and live in a house that is too clean (yes, it is hard to believe that such a thing can happen) the child doesn’t develop resistance against the normal dust and pollen we encounter every day. So over mothering can have some bad effects. But, it is a natural instinct and hard to resist.

It seems like your rough and tumble child won’t have those problems. Children are pretty resilient. They do start off with unformed skulls and a head that is too big to support, but by the time they reach 15 months and are starting to walk they aren’t so fragile anymore. Clearly your child has gone beyond this point.

Your child may be a bit odd, maybe a bit too resistant to pain, but not terribly so. Your reactions are adapted to meet his needs. When he cries you will hear it above a lot of noise and run to his aid, but when he falls, gets up and keeps going you don’t need to come to his aid. He isn’t crying and he isn’t seriously hurt.

There is a chance, a very minor chance, that this could be the early signs of a problem. There are a few diseases that dull the nerve endings, but if you had that problem then he wouldn’t cry if he got stuck with a pin or even pull away. Normal natal care examines should detect such a major problem easily. So I wouldn’t worry, you just got a tough kid. Later in life he might become a bully because he can stand a little more pain than other kids, but right now that isn’t a problem. You have a happy healthy boy who has a higher pain threshold then some of the other kids that’s all.

Just before I went into high school my mother decided to have two children. Both of my parents were working so the three oldest had to pick up the slack. I spanked a child like anyone else has, and I realized that with the padding of a diaper the spanking was as bad as the shock of me doing it. I also found that if a toddler falls they don’t break in half. Sure I never wanted to see that happened, but when you have a child they find millions of ways to get in trouble. Once my sister and I were watching my youngest sister poolside. I was in the 4’ section of the pool and suddenly my youngest sister saw me. She came running at me and fell into the pool. I wasn’t close enough to catch her before she went down 3’. I was as scared as I had ever been in a long time, but my sister was just sputtering out the water, wiping it out of her eyes and she was still happy to see me. I am sure that this incident was the first time she went under water totally, or the first time that her head went underwater, so I was frightened that she was hurt. I expected to come up with a screaming toddler, but since I didn’t show too much concern (I didn’t have time) she didn’t think anything about it.

My little sister has turned out to be a healthy young adult with a good husband and a good life. I may have only had a little part in that, but I know that I didn’t damage her as a baby. I may have thought so at the time, but she got over it. I am pretty sure the same thing is going on with your child. As long as he isn’t bruised or bleeding then I wouldn’t worry about him not crying, he is just being tough and embracing life.

Answer 4

I actually have various solutions for you. a million. sure he will have bruises and they're going to be on his shins, knees, elbows, now and again the suitable, now and again even the suitable of the suitable he will have knots. he's a boy. he will attempt your staying power and could be countless relaxing mutually. 2. infant evidence your position. keep something that is a tripping, slipping, or bumping risk out of ways. keep footwear on his ft contained in the homestead once you've tile or timber flooring. 3. The mattress. ok, 13-fourteen months continues to be all right to sleep in a crip. he's drowsing in a cot, ok. verify it really is not off the floor very extreme. also, even even though it has bumpers that does no longer advise it is going to be all right. keep in concepts at the same time as he develop into in a crip and also you (with any luck) post the bumper cushion all around the crib? do this with the cot. heavily although, the superb mission is to keep them in a deep crib till you sense it really is not possibility-free. 4. The section lasts till the boy is sixty. Boys will be boys for therefore long as boys will be boys. sometime you little boy will be 5 and nonetheless falling and getting bruises. Then he will be 15 and testing for football or wrestling and could be coming homestead with bruises and chipped enamel. Welcome to parenthood.

Answer 5

It sounds good to me. My son was that way until we brought home our new baby and now he is a little more whiny to get my attention but not too bad. when he first started falling I would start laughing and poointing at him unless it was a really bad fall, and he would laugh back. he falls and he will get back up and tell me right away that hes ok, unless he wants more attention for it and then he will fake cry and say that he broke his hand even if he fell on his butt. He is 2 1/2, and he has bumped his head so many times I cant count he has also had to go to the er for bad falls and he never cried then either.

Answer 6

I cant stand parents like that! My daughter is like your child, she will fall and bump her head or even scrape a knee and she never cries about it UNLESS someone does make a big deal over it! (Its usually Grandma, but never me!) People are always amazed at how "tough" she is, but as a parent you just know when your child is really hurt or not. My husband and I have always just told her, "Youre alright, get up...." and thats what she does. There is a difference in the cry that is real pain, or just for attention and its important to not over react to the fake ones.

Answer 7

Everyone is different. I try to allow my son to just be a kid but it's hard. His femur was broken at the age of 7 months old while in home child care. I'm overly paranoid & not sure I would be this way had that never happened. My son almost never cries when he gets hurt, only when he wants me to kiss it and make it better (for attention; not b/c of pain, he's very tough).

Answer 8

The most common form of overprotection of children: not letting them go through the minor owies involved with growing up.

Your son is the way he is because you didn't teach him otherwise. My guess is, when he first started learning to walk and would fall down, your reaction was something like "Uh-oh! Up you go!" then he was back on his merry way. He wasn't raised to think there was any reason to cry everytime he was bumped or fell. If he did actually hurt himself, he would probably cry then, and you would KNOW something was actually wrong.

Since he's only 15 months old, some of this COULD change as he goes through his second year of life. My kids were both the kinds of kids who didn't cry much if they had minor falls, but as they got really into toddlerhood, they did cry more when they got bumps, and especially if someone took something of theirs.

My younger son, in particular is like this. Well, now he's not quite so much, just because he discovered Band-Aids (he cries if he wants a band-aid for a "booboo"), but when he was little, he could take anything, sometimes to the point where it was concerning. We were visiting my in-laws at one point when he was about two years old, and they have a two-story house. I didn't know he was anywhere NEAR the stairs, or I would never have let him out of my sights, but I was in another room and we hear this bump-bump-bump, and when someone yelled my name, I went running in there to find my two year old at the bottom of the stairs, and my father-in-law telling me he fell from about halfway up. I picked him up, and the child actually looked at me and said "Owww! That hurt!" That's it.

The other mothers are entitled to basically overreact to their children getting bumps, and your way of raising your son is probably less common these days. But as long as your interaction with your son is caring, especially if he DOES get upset about something, there is nothing wrong with your way, either.

Answer 9

I dont think it is abnormal, but i dont believe on it, from experience i have a 7yr. old girl and when she was smaller and get hurt, we wouldnt fuss over it, we would say it's okay and pick her up, and im glad we handled it like that, because when we would go out you would see one of those kids who a leaf would touch there skin and they would start freaking out like a car had just hit them, and the parents too, (kinda of anoying) i have nieces whos parents have done that, and let me tell you something kids arent cute when there crying over the littlest thing. And it's not that uncommon, to this day my kid wont cry unless something hurts really bad, for an example when she was between 3 and 4 yrs old she would get up and go to the bathroom and throw up, didnt cry, or get all scared or throw up all over the house, my nieces 9 and 7 to this day if they are sick and need to throw up it a drama fest and they will throw up everywhere.

Answer 10

You are doing the best thing .Don't worry ,its not as if he will hurt injure himself or anything its part of growing up. Don't think about those other parents,I have a 5 yr old daughter myself and i do not fuss so much just make sure that she is not hurt in the head or other such sensitive places .you know what sometimes i feel sorry for these kids they will grow up to be just like their parents .This is just the beginning ,life will offer so much rumbles,let him become a little tough and he will adjust more in all situations.

Answer 11

No because it will make your children become a hypochondriac. When they get older then they will run to the doctor for everything. My mom did that when I was little and now I go to a doctor everytime I get sick or fall. If your child falls from things like stairs or the play area at the park, or falls and hits the furniture like a table then go ahead.