My boyfriend is getting out of rehab this month. he has been there for almost a year now. He has made so much progress that I am so proud of him for. We have been together for over 6 years and do plan on getting married someday. My first cousin is getting married in July and I just forund out my bf is not invited. This was spoken about to my mom and my brother but never to me. I feel extremely hurt by this. We have always been close to the family and my boyfriend was always invited to family events before. I understand that this wedding is about my cousin and not me but I don't think its fair for him not to be invited. I don't want to miss the wedding but I don't know if I should out of respect for my boyfriend?? What could I possibly say to change their minds??
2007-05-02 06:19:12 · 29 answers · asked by Jessica 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You never ask a bride to include another person on the guest list that wasn't specifically invited, unless you are married or engaged to this person and they were unaware of it. To do so otherwise would be tacky. She has her reasons, and really she doesn't owe you any explanation. So it's up to you to decide if you want to go or if you don't.
The reasons she has may be awkward for her to discuss, and now is probably not a good time to put her in that position. Maybe she and her family disagree with rehab, maybe they weren't aware of his problems, maybe they think he'll cause a problem at the wedding. Who knows?
Going only means that you're supporting your cousin and celebrating for her. It doesn't mean dissing your boyfriend. However, if you really feel strongly about this, it's acceptable to decline the invitation and just send a card.
And one final thing to consider. Most weddings I've been to involve drinking, and that's probably not the kind of situation your boyfriend should be in so soon out of rehab. She may just be concerned for his health and didn't invite him out of respect for his situation.
2007-05-02 06:25:01 · answer #1 · answered by Silver_Stars 6 · 15⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing you can do. Has it occurred to you that this has nothing to do with your boyfriend and it might just be about money? Sometimes couples have to cut back the guest list because there's only so much space and so much money. The first people to go are boyfriends or girlfriends. You only have to invite spouses to a wedding, not boyfriends. I say you just need to get over it.
Alternatively this could be personal and they don't want someone just out of rehab at their wedding, which is their perogative. If this is the case, there's still not anything you can do. You might want to think about the fact that a close family member doesn't want your boyfriend around. Take a long hard look at your relationship.
2007-05-02 06:28:34 · answer #2 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your cousin has a certian number of people that can be invited, and since your b/f is not offically family yet (and has been in rehab for a year) she had to leave him out. Dont take it personally. Were you given an invite? Did it say your name and "guest", or just your name. A big way to see if you can bring him is by looking at the invite-if it doesnt say and guest-no guest was included. Dont try to change their minds, go to the wedding and have fun.
2007-05-02 07:34:34 · answer #3 · answered by rachey b 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry honey but I dont blame her.
After all, he is a boyfriend. That is all. I know you may feel you will get married some day, but is your family convinced? Do they think someone in rehab is good for you?
Weddings are an expensive business. If you have a large family, she had a lot of people to invite and pay for. If she is having a small wedding, it should just be family. Many brides chose not to allow everyone to bring a guest (and therefore paying for close to twice as many people as they had invited). There is no real reason your boyfriend--who is not related to her in any way--should be invited to her wedding.
She's paying for this and it is her big day. Would you feel differently if your boyfriend and you had only been together a few weeks? Even if you knew you were getting married.
If your boyfriend was in rehab for alcohol, perhaps she is having alcohol served at the wedding and would not want to immediately force him into a tempting situation.
You should not avoid members of your family for your boyfriend. If he can't handle you going to family events without you, he is not the man you think he is. If you can't handle going anywhere without him, you are not the woman you think you are.
You shouldn't try to change their minds--they are free to have the size wedding they want, and invite the people they want--and not have to be called by everyone asking if they want to bring a guest. I'm sorry you feel slighted on your boyfriends behalf, but you shouldn't.
2007-05-02 06:28:15 · answer #4 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 8⤊ 0⤋
I strongly feels that you should attend the wedding alone. Just let your boyfriend know about it but make sure that neither the two of you should ask your cousin why nor ask them to include him in the list. Respect their decision and next time when you get married do not bear grudges against them and invite them! Be gracious about it!!!
If you really want your guy to go, you can try to talk nicely to your cousin and say that if he/she really mind your guy, its ok and that you will still go regardless.
I think some of the answers here are not good =>
1) don't go at all? its your cousin's wedding!!! not a distance relative or friend you know!
2) dun invite your cousin to your wedding in future? we should treat this with an open mind and not be childish!
3) just buy a present and not go? at least this is better than the 2 above but then again i urge you to go no matter what.
Hope you can understand my viewpoints and good luck!
=]
2007-05-02 06:51:14 · answer #5 · answered by Jeremy N 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This will sound harsh, but.... GROW UP!
1. The wedding is not about you or your boyfriend. It is about the couple getting married, and THEY get to choose who they want to spend their day with, regardless of the reason.
2. Addicts are hard work! Once an addict, always an addict. I was with one for 5 years. Soooo not worth it! A wedding would be a VERY hard situation for him to deal with fresh out of rehab. All social situations are hard for recovering alcoholics/addicts. Social events used to be the reason to drink, get high, etc. They need to find a new way to cope. But FIRST they have to figure out how to get up, get through the day and go to bed without indulging in their addiction. Why put him in that position?
3. Family is ALWAYS family. Go to the wedding alone. Be happy for your cousin. Be an adult and don't cry "it's so unfair!" that your boyfriend isn't there. No one will agree with you and will think that you are being immature and selfish.
2007-05-02 06:58:24 · answer #6 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Did they tell your mom and brother that they dont want him there or did they just not invite him. Those are two very different things. If they just didnt invite him then they probably just assumed he would be going with you or maybe assumed he would still be in rehab by the wedding (that feels odd to say). If they stated that they DONT want him at the wedding, then your best bet is just to go on your own and be with your family. You cant assume you're going to be with this guy forever, not until you're married anyways. and if you miss your cousin's wedding for him and then break up with him in a while, you're gonna regret not going to the wedding.
2007-05-02 06:27:11 · answer #7 · answered by MariChelita 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
attempt now to not take it in my opinion. even as a pair plans a wedding ceremony they are constrained on the variety of travelers, regularly the corridor or church or venue makes a decision what number of human beings get to go back. each from time to time couples merely favor smaller weddings. regularly couples will make their personal lists for another on everyone they prefer to go back and then they initiate making cuts. that is not personal. regularly intermediate kinfolk, grandma, grandpa, aunts, and uncles. Come first. Then some close acquaintances. distant kinfolk if there is room. Sorry to say yet 2d cousins regularly fall less than the distant kinfolk type because they don't ever fairly get a probability to get to understand those human beings fairly nicely. except perchance on kinfolk gatherings. that is not personal. that is probable only a constrained targeted visitor list.
2016-12-05 05:46:32 · answer #8 · answered by headlee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably wont change their minds...they are probably afraid that he will relapse and potentially ruin their wedding. Your options are to go solo (you can tell your boyfriend that there is very limited guest list as that may also be the case), or you can opt not to go in protest.
If I was you, I would be upset too....but you kind of have to understand where they are coming from. You trust your boyfriend, but that doesnt mean that everyone else will...I mean one year of what sounds like in-patient rehab is a long time, I can only imagine what he did to get himself there. Im sure your cousin knows, and thats probably why she didnt invite him as well. Talk to her, and respect her decision. You really shouldnt make her feel guilty for it, that would be kind of unfair...since she obviously has good reason for not inviting him. If he has never caused any kind of scene any where bring that up to her, if she persists let it go, respect her decision, and make your own.
2007-05-02 06:50:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Since you two are not married, nor actually engaged she does not have to invite your BF if she invites you. If you find this unfair, you have the option to say that you will regretfully be unable to attend her wedding.
Have some class and don't confront the bride/groom about this. They did what they did with much thought. They sent you an invitation, not a negotiation treaty. With an invitation the only answers to be given are yes or no.
2007-05-02 06:39:24 · answer #10 · answered by Poppet 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋