my friend always said she wanted me to be bridesmaid if she ever got married.
i then set her up with one of my oldest friends, they hit it off and are getting married next year :)
she decided not to ask me to be bridesmaid, didn't tell me, instead told me about her bridesmaids that she did choose.
then my other friends hassled her for not involving me in the wedding, so now she's trying to make it up to me by randomly selecting tasks for me to do so I'll feel "involved". Tasks like ushering, speeches, driving her car etc.
I'd much rather be a guest and enjoy myself. I've told her so, but she's very persistent.
would you be upset by this?
the more she tries to make it up to me, the more i want to chuck a sickie on her wedding and not attend at all. it feels like a kick in the teeth.
** by the way, I have been bridesmaid before and am NOT KEEN to do it again. I'm not having bridesmaids for my upcoming wedding either.
2007-05-02 00:01:14 · 22 answers · asked by chilly 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
i am upset that she is trying to "make it up to me" by giving me bullshit tasks.
I don't want to be bridesmaid or do tasks. I just want to be a guest and enjoy the wedding. but she keeps trying to relieve her guilt by asking me to do bullshit jobs like ushering.
would this upset you? am i being childish?
2007-05-02 00:26:03 · update #1
I hear you. I'm getting married in July and asked one of my best friends to be my bridesmaids. After acting rediclously jealous, she herself got engaged to someone I'm not sure she's in love with. Point being, she didn't ask me to be in her wedding, but I'm suppose to coach her MOH on how to give a shower etc. and have been asked to a do a lot of misc. work as well. I told her cousin, MOH, in no uncertain terms that I was limitedly available due to my own wedding. Enough is enough. I think if you want someone in the wedding than ask them, otherwise let them enjoy the party.
2007-05-02 00:59:52 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I would not be upset if I were not asked to be a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding.
Just kindly let her know that she does not have to give you tasks to do for the wedding and you'd like to enjoy being a guest and not part of the organization.
I would also have a chat with your other friends about harassing her because you were not asked to be a bridesmaid.
2007-05-02 10:30:51 · answer #2 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be upset that I wasn't asked to be bridesmaid, but I'd be REALLY mad about her trying to turn me into her slave. The bridesmaids, not the guests, are supposed to run around after the bride and do her bidding.
Normally, I'd say to respond with "No, have a bridesmaid do it," but then she might think you're obessing over the bridesmaid thing. In your case, just keep telling her no, you're too busy, etc. Maybe drop a hint to the groom that you really don't want to be involved with the planning, you just want to be a guest. Best of luck!
2007-05-02 12:07:26 · answer #3 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would be hurt. Especially since she owes having met her fiance to you. These things happen quite often. When my Mother remarried she didn't aks her best friend for the last 30 years to be by her side. She picked a friend of my step Dad's. It hurt her friend deeply and at the time as a preteen I could not understand why she did that. I still don't. This past summer my mom's best friend passed away. I was with her 5 weeks in the hospice helping take care of her. She actually brought it up on one of our long talks. It still hurt her. I think sometimes we don't realize how much we hurt someone until later.
These efforts to make it up to you are even more insulting in my opinion. But that is up to you. If it's going to hurt you more to go to the wedding to see these other friend be her bridesmaids then I wouldn't go. Be honest with her if you don't feel you want to be involved. Tell her at this point you aren't comfortable doing these left over sort of tasks and the more she pushes the more hurtful it is.
Think carefully though, is her not inviting you painful enough that you want to end the friendship? If not, then try not to judge your entire relationship with her on this one moment.
2007-05-02 07:30:10 · answer #4 · answered by Proud to be APBT 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would not be upset that I was not chosen as bridesmaid, but I would be upset that the bride thought I would be flattered to be working for her for nothing.
I would tell her I would really rather be just a guest, and if she didn't take the hint, I would just tell her I could not perform her errands due to a busy schedule of my own. If she threatens to withhold an invitation to the wedding, then we know what she is about.
2007-05-02 09:25:16 · answer #5 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi!
Honestly, yes, I would be a little hurt. However, find out her intentions and take them to heart. Perhaps she knew from a previous time that you really don't enjoy being a bridesmaid or that you would have a more enjoyable time at her wedding without the added pressure.
When you really think about her intentions and where they lay, this will help put things into focus. Really, she might just know you well enough to know that you will have much more fun without having added obligations.
I'm sure you will have fun at the wedding.
Good luck!
2007-05-02 07:10:50 · answer #6 · answered by TamBam 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! I feel for you. I don't really have any sage words on this one, but I CAN tell you what I'd do if it were my & my best friend....
If it were me, honestly, yes. I WOULD be upset if my best friend didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. But that's just me and my pride talking.
If my best friend didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid, and THEN gave me tasks to feel included after the fact- I would be really, really upset. What? I would be! IMO, I would take it as insult to injury. Again, that's purely me and my pride talking here. I feel for you. I really do.
If I were in your shoes, I take her out to dinner, and over dessert and a glass of wine (or two), I would, as calmly as I could tell her my side of the story: yes, my feelings were hurt that I wasn't asked to be in the wedding. Yes, I understand that it's her day and she can ask whoever she wants. No, I'm not trying to make her feel guilty, but I can't help the way I feel either. Yes, I still love her and she's still my friend. Yes, I'll get over it - it's my pride getting in the way. THEN, I'd admit that I know she feels badly about it, but to be honest, the "other" tasks she's assigning me feel condescending and like they're being offered out of pity or guilt, and that hurts worse, so could she please stop?
Before you judge me on that one - I'm thinking about my best friend here - we've been best friends for twenty years, we've been through A LOT together, and I CAN be brutally honest with her (as she can with me!) - that's just the way we are.
After we cleared everything up, I'd probably offer to help her with some of the details. After all, she is my best friend....
2007-05-02 10:55:07 · answer #7 · answered by sylvia 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honestly yes i would be upset.
Ive just had the same thing happen with my best friend , she told me she thinking of setting her date for this November and asked me to be a bridesmaid and i said yes , anyway a few weeks ago she set her date then went over to England to visit her family and to pick her dresses , when she came back she was telling all about them on the phone, and telling me she was having this girl that girl and 2 others and that was all and nobody else , i never said anything to her about me because if she didn't wont me to be a bridesmaid that that would be fine with me but even now 3 months later she still hasn't said anything to me , this did upset me but has made me more mad i would her rather just tell me to my face than beat around the bush , but hey you think some people are friends but it just goes to show you.
I don't wont to go to my friends wedding either now after that , but just tell your friend that you don't wont to get involved in the way she is doing it cause if something doesn't go to plan its all going to come back on you.
2007-05-02 07:31:08 · answer #8 · answered by fafandloo 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
When i got married i had four of my best mates as bridesmaids. we have all been close friends since 1st school. I have since been bridesmaid for 2 of those friends which was lovely and nice to be asked. one of the others is getting married this august but has not asked me. she has chosen just 2 of her friends. i am not upset in any way at all. i'm am just so excited to be there on her big day & cant wait to see what she looks like in her dress. i never asked her thinking she should ask me, thats not what true friends do.
2007-05-02 07:20:24 · answer #9 · answered by Scorps 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Personally, I wouldn't care if I was a bridesmaid or not. As long as I am invited to the wedding. If it really bothers you so much that you would consider not going to the wedding, then you should ask her why she did not ask you to stand by her side.
2007-05-02 07:21:34 · answer #10 · answered by SupaDupaWoman 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋