Should boyfriend be on the same intellectual level?

Question

My boyfriend and I are in love and very happy most of the time, but sometimes I get tired of his lack of intellect, and lack of art of expression... But then nobody can have all the good qualities... Can we build a future together?

Answer 1

Sure you can - you just have to accept it. You want him to love and respect you, if he had the higher IQ, wouldn't you?
This is becoming more common anyway, as more women enter and graduate college, run business, etc.

Answer 2

I have a similar situation, but its a switched. My boyfriend is very intellectual, he can talk for hours about religion, politics and all that, he voice his opinions and I usually get lost or start loosing interest. We have been together for over 2 years now. Someone doesn't have to be on the same intellect scale as the other in a relationship, it may help though. As long as he tries his best to listen and voices his thoughts and opinions when he has one then that should be fine. But if you are truly unhappy by his lack of common interest then I would leave him

Answer 3

When I first started dating my wife, I didn't think it would last. I'm a scientist and a tech geek; she likes to cook and sew. I play computer games in my spare time; she reads romance novels. I have better math skills, and it makes her crazy when I correct her grammar. She can strike up a conversation with anyone, and pulls my introverted butt into social encounters that I would ordinarily avoid.

Pretty quickly, I realized that we aren't opposites; we are complementary. Of course, I still have certain social and intellectual needs that she can't or won't meet, but the time I spend socializing with my friends and pursuing my hobbies keeps those needs fulfilled.

It seems to be working - we've been together for 12 years, and I can think of no other woman I would rather spend the rest of my life with.

So understand that this guy will not satisfy every need that you have. But if you are in love, and if he can meet the big ones, it's a good base to start from. You have to decide if what you will get out of the relationship is enough for you to be happy.

Answer 4

Common ground will be very important in the years to come, when things arent quite as hot in the sac when you put on a little weight, when he watches a little too much T.V you guys are gonna want atleaste SOME of the same past times to enjoy with each other, so maybe he's not intellectual but maybe you both like bike riding, maybe he cant tell the difference between one artist and another BUT maybe you both love the ocean more than anything whatever it is. Opposites attract but theres got to be some Common Ground

Answer 5

Personally, I'm not sure I could seriously consider a future with a guy who I considered, consciously or unconsciously, my intellectual inferior. For instance, the only time I can stand spelling mistakes in my boys is when it's a learning disorder/dyslexia type situation and they can't help it. I still have to edit everything they write, but it's more from amused love than anything else.

And I've noticed that most of my closest friends and family have a decent vocabulary (in fact, I think there's only 2 I have to explain things to, and they're close female friends).

I've thought about it, but in my case, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I'd end up resenting the guy, and hating myself for resenting it when I knew about it in the first place.

But maybe you're different. Go with what you feel; no one else can make the call for you.

Good luck!

Answer 6

I think having a comparable intellect is great. But, in some areas, our interests may differ. All the better because it makes for more give and take. I like independent, free-spirits, and who hold various interests in culture and society--from religion, philosophy, sports, or just plain comedy and trivia. Start leaving out books on art expression on the coffee table. Maybe he'll get the hint.

Answer 7

It really depends on what qualities you see in him to begin with. If you two can communicate your feelings and thoughts well, you will probably be alright. Try to keep in mind that academics and an artistic mindset are not the only criteria for intellectual capability. Can he make a good point, even though his grammar or choice of phrase may not be on par with your own? Does he understand you when you express your thoughts and opinions? If so, he may be more unpolished than inadequate in intellectual ability. If you feel that he truly does not understand you and shows no real desire to do so, things may not look very good for the future. Once good sex and good looks wear thin, once you are faced with problems that long-term couples deal with, his inability to understand and work through them with you will be difficult to overcome. Imagine going through hard times with him (job loss, the death of a family member, sexual problems, suspicions of infidelity) and how he might work through them with you. If you are embarrassed by his lack of intellect among your friends, parents, or co-workers (and your annoyance is apparent to him, trust me), you will likely cause him to resent you. Chances are, he is not as intellectually inferior as you would believe (or you wouldn't have found him attractive for long. Smart girls generally don't fall for completely stupid guys in the long term--unless he is insanely good-looking, but that is not going to keep you togeher). I think you have a shot. Good luck.

Answer 8

Most couples aren't on the same level intellectually, especially if you are around the same age. Male interests develop much later in life than female. It's good to be in a relationship where you compliment each others weaknesses, you could have a great future together in my opinion.

Answer 9

Sure you can if it's something that doesn't bother you that much but if it really bothers you and you been thinking about it or noticing it a lot (which I gather from you posting it here) then probably not.

I think to some extent guys will never be on the same level as women because we just think differently and we are usually interested in different things - now if you think he's not as smart as you because he's not into "art expression" then maybe you should look at what he is into, perhaps what he majored in and listen when he talks about it (to a friend or to you) and you might find out he knows a lot just not about the same things as you. Hope that helps! xxxx

Answer 10

You can make a powerful team if you both utilise each others strengths. Don't try and improve his (supposed) faults. If you are not perfect, why try to make him so. Love the 70/80/90% of him that appeals and ignore the (warts) bits that you don't. Life has no promises, whatever your similarities or differences, so just enjoy each other as you can. All the best for the future. x

Answer 11

It can work hun. Hopefully his intellect isnt too far behind from yours. Dont change him, just do what I call "help him grow into himself more." It is like teaching him but you have to be patient. I know that can be hard but thats why women are smarter. We have the intellect. Help him experience new things slowly and it's a good idea to get him into his element. give and take.