i have a bit of a promiscuous past and my boyfriend (4months now) feels hes too controlling by not letting me hang out with any other guys or w.e, were trying to find a solution so that he wont worry and he can be able to trust me with guys and whatnot, weve come up with
-going on a break (dont want too!!!)
-calling constantly
-possibly staying home not hanging out
idk were lost any suggestions!?!!?
2007-05-01 15:51:52 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You and your boyfriend should be able to trust each other. If you can't trust each other then you shouldn't be in a relationship together. You need to reassure him that you can be trusted and he's the only guy that matters. Also, can I ask why you want to hang out with other guys? Because if it's just for the heck of it then you don't need a boyfriend anways. But if it's because these guys are your friends then why can't you AND your boyfriend hang out with them? If you don't want to do that then your boyfriend needs to trust you. Trust is tricky and part of it is about taking a chance. But like I said, if you two can't trust each other then you don't need to be in a relationship together.
2007-05-01 15:57:58 · answer #1 · answered by hanadmac 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do YOU feel he's too controlling? Or is he the only one who feels that way?
Trust is essential to ANY relationship - parent/child, boyfriend/girlfriend, boss/employee - and without it, you'll get nowhere fast.
Do want the opportunity to prove to him you can be trusted? Then try going to a movie with a male friend (in a group with some others, not just the two of you). You needn't call constantly, but can arrange to check in before and afterwards.
It almost sounds as if YOU don't trust YOURSELF. If that's the case, you're shortchanging your boyfriend now, and your future relationships later, unless and until you get a handle on your "promiscuity". To do that, you need to learn why you act that way. What's in it for you? Notches on the bedpost? The thrill of the chase? Does it boost your self-esteem?
Believe me, it's far better to have the love and trust of one worthwhile guy than some attention here and there from a whole bunch. I won't even begin to go into the risks of promiscuity, the damage that it can do physically and emotionally. If you do take a break from each other, spend some time with YOU and figure out what your priorities are going to be. Then you can reunite and move forward.
2007-05-01 23:00:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the exact same thing. Just ask yourself how comfortable you would be with him hanging out with some random girl. Its not the best feeling. Going on a break is the worst idea.... Calling constantly gets super annoying and will never get you anywere, how can you build trust with that. Does he trust you to just hang out with your girlfriends? If you have such a past why would you want to tempt yourself with hangin out with another guy. If you need another guy in your life than maybe you shouldn't have a boyfriend. How often is it true that a guy and a girl can just be friends, you've either had a history or are going to have one. I'd go with the not hanging out with other guys. If you really care about this guy, show him he's the only guy you want in ur life.
2007-05-01 23:01:13 · answer #3 · answered by Pretty in Pink 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about not entering into situations not healthy for the relationship if you care about it?
Grown-ups know better than to "hang out" alone with members of the opposite sex if they care about the relationship they're in... Grown-ups structure their activites... set time limits etc... Grown-ups know $hit happens...
You can have friends and freedom without getting into dangerous situations. No reason for it... if you really want to be in a partnership with someone. If you don't... Stop pretending... Why not bring your boyfriend along to have some fun???
Trust is great. Part of being trustworthy though is understanding that there will always be temptation... and it will come when you're most vulnerable to it... Being trustworthy is about sacrificing a bit and actually putting an effort into remaining trustworthy and avoiding temptation... even when you might not feel like it at the moment. This sacrifice and effort is guaranteed to grow into magic later on... Sacrifice and effort are what love is made out of. Loving someone is making the decision to do it and always putting effort into it. Nothing good is free.
The constant phone-call thing is just ridiculous. You'd hate him in a week... Who wouldn't?...
2007-05-01 22:58:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you both must realize that each of you is not telling the other not to sleep around. Each of you is telling the other, I can not be married to a person who will sleep with someone else besides me. The reason for this is, you are working toward marriage. Any serious dating should be geared toward a successful future mate for life. If this is not your goal or your boyfriends. Then break it off for your future kids sake. If you like being around guys and partying, GREAT! But that is not what married women do and here is why. When you get married and have kids the relationship can have episodes of boringness and you will also fight. If Joe Smoe is a good friend of yours and he is single, you are VERY likely to turn to him as an emotional band aid when you are feeling vulnerable and need an ear to talk to. Marriage requires that you cut off your other guy friends and focus on the one you truly want to make a marriage work with. I know this sounds like a bore to you, but if you really want to get married some day, you have to get serious about your prioritys.
I'm not pretending to know you or say you will cheat. But marriage is about you and him. You might as well get used to the new lifestyle.
2007-05-01 23:10:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok in the past I had a controlling BF. Breaks don't help at all. Not going out with people makes the situation worse. Also calling all the time will only prove to you that he is controlling. You need a trial and error. Go out with some friends and prove to him that nothing happens, or possible take him with to see how it is. If he is serious about you then he will learn to trust you. I feel for you in this situation, I know its easier for me to just tell you then it is for you to do it. But it worked for me.....
2007-05-01 22:58:16 · answer #6 · answered by Just Bein Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to say it but you gotta learn control. Either that or evaluate your relationship. I had a busy past myself which resulted in me cheating on my BF of 5 years. I finally figured out I wasn't happy him, moved on, and now i'm engaged to someone I don't cheat on. Old habits die hard, but if your relationship is strong the both of you will work it out. Try inviting your BF along w/ you when you go out once in a while. You'd be suprised how much fun it can be.
2007-05-01 22:58:03 · answer #7 · answered by LiLy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can set all the restrictions he wants unless you can refrain from being promiscuous with others then all his effort are for not...for your own good, so you can experience true love ..you need to be true and honorable to your partner...to the point he knows he can trust you.
2007-05-01 22:57:31 · answer #8 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your in a committed relationship drop the other dudes.... plain and simple. Your past is your past he needs to get over it... If your committed act like it. Same goes for him.
D
2007-05-01 22:58:01 · answer #9 · answered by drtoolman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask him to join you in these hang out times?let him meet the people you are hanging out with-get to know them-so he can deciede himself their moral values and yours -remember you are only as good as you word so you can either prove to him that its him you are into or not
2007-05-01 22:56:22 · answer #10 · answered by resigned 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋