Adult with tattoos...still afraid of parents...anyone else have issues?

Question

Hi all -
I am an "adult" - I'm 24 years old, I have graduated from college, I support myself and I have excellent career prospects - I have three tattoos. Two of them are very small and one is very large and very visible on my arm. (and it is beautiful and incredibly well done)
I knew I would have issues with my parents re tattoos...but I also figured that because I have a great career and great money making potential (i'm an up and coming film producer - you've seen my stuff) that their disappointment wouldn't affect me.
They still don't know but when things are quiet I can hear my mother's voice in my head...and it's killing me!
Has anyone else experienced this? At what point is it okay to separate my feelings from my mothers??? (For that matter, as an independent young woman - why do I still care?)

AAARRGHH!! Any input would be much appreciated. I do not at ALL regret my tattoos - I am only upset that I will upset my mother.

Advice? How do I deal with myself?

Answer 1

just let your mom know you're a good person regarless to your ink.

and spink had a good idea.

Answer 2

I know exactly what you are talking about! I'm 24, and got my first tattoo just under a year ago. I spent quite a bit of time up until I sat down in the chair thinking about what my mom would say. I know she would have a HUGE fit if she found out. I'm kinda dreading the day we have to have that conversation. My big thing was how I was raised. Getting a tattoo or really any body modification for that matter, is against the religion I was brought up in. I've had more than one hole in each of my ears for quite some time now, and even when I came home with them, my mom didn't approve. I'm now no longer a part of that religion, and have gone down a completely different path; another thing my mom wouldn't be to keen on. That's a whole different story though! :)

I would like to believe that my mom understands that I am an adult and will live my own life, and not give me the "I'm not angry, just disappointed" speech, but I'm not sure. Another kink in my story involves my best friend. She has 7 tattoos, a few of which are pretty visible. She also has 13 piercings, all visible. I know that when my mom does find out about my tattoo, she will blame my friend. She's never liked her, and has always thought she's a bad influence.

Despite what I can imagine my mom will say, I LOVE my tattoo and am actually getting ready to get my second one. I've never regretted it, not even for a second. It's a step into the new me. I'm proud to be my own person and to be able to express that. I am an adult and am able to do my own thing. There are small things my mom will say, that makes me think she's starting to come around to that idea too. I can only hope.

Bottom line: When you're an adult, there are things you're going to do that your parents won't necessarily approve of. When you're a parent, there will be things your kids do that you don't approve of. You just need to do what you want, and not worry about everyone else. We're all going to do our own thing. That's part of being an individual.

Answer 3

Well, can't say they get any better about it the older you get. My mom has not seen any of my tattoos (she thinks I have just one due to my sister spilling the beans on that one). We live pretty far away. The lectures I got and still get. Apparantly I will be on my death bed soon....
I'm 39 - so what does that tell you! I can't even imagine what I would deal with if she saw what I have now. Fortunately it doesn't matter to me one way or the other. I've been married 20 years, have an amazing 13 year old son - it really doesn't matter how well you are doing. A tattoo is a tattoo. That's their job I suppose. When I see her I'll keep it covered. It's not worth the grief, and as little as I see her, it's not worth creating a problem for that short time.
Be yourself. No parent could really want more :) Don't sweat the small stuff.

Answer 4

I got a tattoo last year when I got divorced and I still haven't shown my Dad. It's not that I am afraid to show him, it's just that I respect him and don't want him to be disappointed in me for marking my body. I also feel like my tattoo is beautiful and it is a perfect representation of my long awaited freedom into the world. Being able to spread my wings, fly and be beautiful and admired by all. I'm sure he will eventually see it but until then I'm not in a hurry to show it off to him.

Answer 5

When I got my first tattoos my dad really didn't say much but if god want you to have pictures or writing on your body he would have put them there. My Mom on the other hand went through the roof tell me that it was a waste of money and I could do other thing with it. My grandma told my parents that it's her body let her do what she wants, and she thought they were nice looking. I have got more and my kids have gotten them and my parents don't say every much about them anymore. My kids tell me when they are going to getting tattoos to see if I want to go with. I tell my mom that I'm getting another and she just shakes her head and says your grandma says it's your body. If your happy with the tattoos that's all the should really matter your parents should love you the same with or without tattoos.

Answer 6

i'm sorry you feel this way. i think that you should immediately stop caring what they think about your tattoos.
the sad fact is that most parents see tattoos as a negative thing. they think that having tattoos stands for horrible things like being in prison, being a delinquent drug user, that only freaks and bikers have them. your parents know that you don't fit into any of those categories but they probably feel like other people judge you based on your tattoos too and they just want to protect you and the image that other people have of you.
maybe you should sit down and talk about it with them. it may cause some hurt feelings but if you educate yourself with some facts about tattoos maybe you will atleast get them to not judge your or make you feel bad when you are around them.

good luck!

Answer 7

No matter how old we get, it seems like we will always worry about disappointing our parents. I'm 25, and feel the same way sometimes. Before I make a decision, I think - what would my mom say about this?

When I got my first tattoo, I thought my parents would be really upset. I was pleasantly suprised to find that they just rolled their eyes and moved on - I don't catch grief about it, and now I even tease my mom about getting a tattoo herself ("not a chance"). :)

Even if you don't feel comfortable, go to her confidently and tell her you have tattoos and you're very happy with them. No matter how she reacts, you'll feel better after getting this secret off your chest, and you won't have to try to hide them when you see her.

Answer 8

My friend you should be more mad that they do not follow the faith. Because that reflects you did a poor job of being the man of the house. This world and the rulers of this world mean nothing as it is God who puts people in power we are to obey them in all things unless they make laws against our following the word of God. Romans 13:1-7 and Acts 5:29. A person who can not rule his own home is not a very good leader but once the kids are old enough to chose what they truly believe if as long as they were with you and followed the Lord while under your roof you did you job. They will have to answer to God for their behavior. but then again they are not honoring mother and father by not being a believer it makes you look bad as a godly parent. I don't mean to be critical to you this was not meant as a put down. Thanks for the question friend. God bless.

Answer 9

This is very interesting--I suggest you produce a film on the yin/yang of being a daughter of an opinionated mother.

The more I tried to separate my opinions/ideas/thoughts from those of my mom, the more 'she' (the mommy voice in my head) invaded my privacy. My daughter is probably going through the same things, because she goes through periods where she behaves in a distant manner toward me.

My mom died in 1995, and I must tell you, it is even worse now. I am finally becoming resigned to the fact that I am my mother's daughter, and that her opinions are my opinions, even when my (true?) opinions are different.

So, unless you kill an important part of yourself, you will not ever be totally happy with your tattoos, whether your mom ever sees them or not.

You see, it isn't even your physical mom; it's the version of her--the 'mom' in your head that is causing these problems.

I would advise you not to get any more tattoos. 'Mom' doesn't approve.

Answer 10

i think you are certainly old enough to have your feelings separate from your parents. you are in a business where many many people have tattoos (look at angelina jolie, and she is ON the screen, your off camera) and if they are well done, i dont see why it would matter. when i got tattoos, my parents fought me at first, but eventually they gave up, because they realized i was a big girl, holding down two jobs and going to school. just relax. you have a promising career, are educated, etc. you are also in a business where tattoos dont really matter, and if you like them thats what matters because they are on your skin.

Answer 11

oh i know what your saying....my dad has seen mine but not mom..now mom lives by the ocean and im supposed to visit at some point...sigh...and you will always care what mom thinks...always...the difference in being normal vs wacky in this situation is that you don't let it affect your life.

It's killing me? That's too much too live with. I would show your mom your tattoos, maybe even this page printed off, and tell her you need her to see them and say whatever she needs to say and get this purged from your system so you can concentrate on your life.

:)