has my mother in law took my role as mother?

Question

I live with my husband’s parents cause we cannot afford to live on our own right now and we had nowhere to go. We moved in before I gave birth and since the day my 8 month old daughter came home she has been trying to take over my mother role. She will come right up to me and say...go make a bottle the baby is hungry (when I just fed her an hour ago), or I'm taking Vanessa for a walk go get the stroller ready (without asking me), if I get up in the morning with Vanessa she will walk right into my room and take the baby and walk away (I can’t say anything cause it’s her house). She has been doing this since she was born and now Vanessa doesn’t even know I’m her mom. She says mama to my mother in law instead of me. I have said something before but she took it very personally and refused to help me with the baby until I apologized....the thing is I really really do need the help but she has taken over to the point that every time I go to hold my daughter she wants nothing to do with me when my mother in law is around, she claws at me and cries until she’s held by her and won’t let me feed her, only my mother in law. It just makes me feel so much less of a mother and if I do talk to my mother in law about it I’m afraid she will do what she did last time. I don’t know what to do HELP!

Answer 1

Somehow, you have got to find a way to move out! There are government assistance programs that will actually PAY YOU to live in certain apartments! Your mother-in-law sounds like the Everybody Loves Raymond character! lol
Seriously though, for your sanity and the happiness of your ENTIRE family, leave the house ASAP!!!!

Answer 2

How much time is your in-law spending with the baby? Where are you when your in-law is with the baby?
You should have been tagging along when they went for walks or during feedings. In fact, you should have insisted that you give the baby the bottle.

You were probably overwhelmed with a new baby and kind of just "gave" the baby to your in-law, but now you've got to be more active instead of passive.

I'm kind of sensing that you kind of let your in-law take the responsibility and now the baby is identifying less with you.

1. You need to spend as much time with the baby and if your in-law takes her, then you go along. If she refuses, then you have to insist.

2. Put your foot down, nicely, when your in-law tries to take your baby. Tell her that you're wanting to spend some bonding time together and you'll have Vanessa ready later.

3. You need to find your own place. Are you saving money?

Answer 3

When she tries comes in to take the baby from you simply say, "oh maybe later I'm about to give her bath". We'll come find you when it's time to play. Start taking an active role in the care for your baby. Beat your mother in law to everything. If she protests, look at her like she's insane! She'll get the point! She's taking advantage of your shyness. Just stand up and be the parent. It's YOUR CHILD! Good luck!

Answer 4

Who cares if she helps you or not. Tell her something about it and who cares if she decides not to help you. You sound like you are saying that you don't like it but you had to apologize to her so that she can help you. Ive raised my daughter all by myself for 2 years and you can too. She's your baby and if you let it get worse it's going to. My mom was in the same situation when I was born and my mom never said anything and they would lock my mom in the room and only let her out to change me or feed me or to do something around the house. Do you really want that to happen. It will if you let it. Don't let her help you. A lot of times my mother in law has tried to take control of my daughter and I always said no. You have to because then they take complete advantage of you. You need to let her know that you don't like it or tell your husband to tell her.

Answer 5

Talk to your husband. I am going through problems with my mother in law also and this is the same advice I got. We lived with my MIL until we got on our feet and she treated me like trash. Now that we moved out things have been less stressful, but with her finding out I'm carrying her grandson she started her old antics. If possible leave. Even if it's not forever. Call a friend, take the baby out. Keep her away from the MIL until your husband tells her to back off. Email me to vent.

Answer 6

Well now is when your HUSBAND needs to do something or you need to get out of there WITH your baby. Good Lord...that mother in law needs to butt out. I don't care if it IS her house, its YOUR baby and if she wants to be around that baby she needs to RESPECT that you are the baby's mother! Put your foot down woman! And tell your husband to be a man and back you up on this! Good Luck!

Answer 7

sweetie, that's HORRIBLE!
don't you have parents? you should move to their house! you have to live with somebody that respect you!
why don't your husband do something?
your mother-in-law is probably jeaulous of you because you took her baby, and now she wants to take yours!
you have to move out or talk to your husband.
while you don't find somewhere else to go, when you wake up, take the baby out and stay with her the whole day out. that's the only way to keep your mother-in-law away. doesn't mater if it's her house, YOU ARE THE MOTHER!!!!
she is treating you like trash, you have to do something and keep that monster away from your baby!

Answer 8

I dont care if it IS her house! Say SOMETHING! That is your child. Why isnt your husband doing anythgin about it? Needing help I can understand as I am disabled. But THAT is not help!

Answer 9

It may be her house, but its your child. Politely talk to her over a cup of coffee/tea/whatever and let her know you really appreciate all her advice and help but that you want to learn to be a Mom. and to please not to step in unless you ask her to.

Answer 10

SOME HOW SOME WAY YOU HAVE GOT TO MOVE. IF YOU GET YOUR DAUGTER AWAY FROM HER THEN NOT ONLY WILL YOU BE A BETTER MOTHER TO HER BUT SHE WILL START TO LOOK AT YOU MORE IN A MOTHERLY WAY. IT'S NOT TO LATE TO REBOND WITH YOUR BABY.