i know this is long but its worth it.?

Question

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet
>syndrome, including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, then the
>story below will have you laughing out LOUD!
>
>Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened:
>
>Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was
>"something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
>"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can
>you help?"
>
>I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his
>bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking
>stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at
>the lizard!"
>
>Oh my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."
>
>"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
>
>I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't
>want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.
>
>"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she
>inquired, rather sarcastically!).
>
>"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most
>loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).
>
>"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
>
>"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she
>informed me. (Again with the sarcasm)
>
>By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I
>shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a
>wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of
>birth."
>
>"OH, Gross!", they shrieked.
>
>"Well, isn't THAT just Great! What are we going to do with a litter
>of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know.
>
>We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny
>foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't appear
>to be making much progress," I noted.
>
>"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
>
>"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
>
>"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next
>appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more
>times with the same results.
>
>"Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could
>talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my
>house?)
>
>"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
>
>So we drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.
>"Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
>
>"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so
>cruel to their own young. I mean, what she does to me is one thing, but
>this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
>
>The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little
>animal through a magnifying glass.
>
>"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
>
>"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to
>you privately for a moment?"
>
>I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside. "Is Ernie going to be
>okay?" my wife asked.
>
>"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In
>fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see,
>Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like
>most male species, they um....um....masturbate. Just the way he did, lying
>on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm
>saying, Mr.. Cameron."
>
>We were silent, absorbing this. "So Ernie's just...just...Excited," my wife
>offered.
>
>"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
>
>More silence.
>
>Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even
>laugh loudly.
>
>"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I
>married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
>
>Tears were now running down her face. "It's just...that... I'm
>picturing you pulling on its...its...teeny little..." she gasped for
>more air to bellow in laughter once more.
>
>"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly
>bundled the lizards and our son back into the car.
>
>He was glad everything was going to be okay. "I know Ernie's really
>thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.
>
>"Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
>
>2 - lizards - $140...
>1 - Cage - $50...
>Trip to the Vet - $30...
>
>Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's wacker
>
>....Priceless...
>

Answer 1

Priceless....Me reading this joke at work and then falling off my chair to the floor from laughing so much...EVEN MORE PRICELESS...explaining to my boss WHY I was reading this joke instead of working......(ha,ha,hee,hee)

Answer 2

Funny

Answer 3

Lol!! I was about to fuss that Lizards don't give live birth. Lizards hatch out of eggs. Had HE known that.. well.. then.. yup.

Answer 4

OMMMGGG that is hilaariousss lmfaoooo..that is jus soo funny hahahahhaha cnt stop laffin out loud!!!hahah..u r SO getin a star off me for that!!!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Answer 5

that was the funniest thing i have heard yet..! i only wish u had video of it that wuld b funnier i cant stop laughn 2. my bf wants to know y. gunna have ta share u get a star yay.

Answer 6

I started giggling just like the woman! that was funny!! 10!

Answer 7

Oh--I am sending this to ALL my friends. I haven't laughed like that in a long time!!!!

Answer 8

I LMAO and the really is priceless....lizzard wacker.....lol

Answer 9

OMG!! I just read that joke and now, IT's STILL funny!! TY!♥

LOL!♥

Answer 10

ha ha lol so he was helping the lizard masterbate