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Hey everyone...
I have a real tough question/problem which has been eating away at me for a long time now and I need some help/advice.
I am a Christian, however, allowed myself to enter into a relationship with a guy who is not. I knew from the start he was all wrong for me, however, ignored all of the signs. Its like I saw only what I wanted to see in him...I wanted him so badly to be "the one" that I wasn't looking at the situation clearly. I know i've made some HUGE mistakes, compromising all my values and morals. However, I've fallen in love with this guy. Thing is, he is ALL wrong for me. I know this isn't what God wants for my life and I am HEARTBROKEN that I know i've sinned. It is however, an extremely difficult situation i've gotten myself into. I work with this guy, he is my best friend and I'm in love with him. The thought of breaking things off with him KILLS me. I don't want to hurt him or me. I guess I just need some serious input/thoughts/advice/PRAYER etc.
Thanks

2007-05-01 08:51:04 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture Religion & Spirituality

After reading some of your comments I'm seeing alot of you ask things like what's so wrong with being in a relationship with him, if you're TRULY in love? And things like, maybe the real problem isn't the relationship but the religion itself. It is my belief however, that it is not right for a non-believer to date (ending in marriage) a follower of Christ. As the bible says "as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" Is this not important when determining who to spend your life with? I think it is...I need someone who can "sharpen" be as a Christian and understand/support the things i'm going through, and have similar values to mine....Anyway, food for thought I guess. And thanks so much for all your comments. And PLEASE continue posting. I need all the support/opinions/and prayer I can get!!

2007-05-01 09:40:38 · update #1

29 answers

Hi,
You are really having a tough time, I know.
First thing I want you to keep in mind is that there are some real jerks on these forums, so don't listen to an idiot that tells you to "dump God". God isn't the problem, the bad relationship is the problem.
You said that you know the guy is all wrong for you, but you ignored all the signs. Welcome to the club, been there, got the teeshirt. As miserable as you must feel, think about it like this: what if you kept going on ignoring all those bad signs and ended up married and/or pregnant? My point is that this could have ended up alot worse than it is, ya know? You work with the guy, and he is also your best friend - so you don't want to make an enemy of him - you need to end the relationship as civil as possible. But to continue on and not break it off will just make it harder as time goes on, so you need to do it and be done with it.
Obviously, right now you need God's help more than ever, so make sure you ask Him for guidance and strength to do the right thing. Whatever you do, keep your mind clear as possible and remember you absolutely have to do whats best, regardless of how much he's gonna try to convince you otherwise; you have to stand your ground. Don't give in because you feel sorry for him or for yourself, because this is your LIFE you are talking about, and decisions you make today will affect the rest of your life, so be wise and be sure to think things through with common sense.
If you feel as if you've sinned (you didn't say how) then ask God for forgiveness; you are free in Christ, so don't carry around unnecessary burdens like guilt. God freely forgives you, and its an insult to God if you don't realize the sin is forgiven, and keep dwelling on it, or not forgiving yourself.
Once a sin is forgiven, God doesn't even want it brought up again - its done and over with. Have a talk with the guy, try to remain good friends, ask God for strength, guidance, forgiveness and then know that you have a fresh start - so bury all the bad,
and believe me, I know it doesn't sound possible, but time will heal the hurt; you'll see.
When my relationship ended, i had no choice but to start new - I couldn't even talk it out with my love, because he died. He was my best friend, and so I couldn't even get his support in the loss. I was dreadfully lonely and heartbroken. When someone told me time would heal my heart, I wanted to punch them in the face. But ya know what? They were right. I will always love him, but the hurt doesn't affect every second of my life anymore. i just needed lots of time. Lots of time. I found a mountain
and stood there and screamed for an entire day. And then I went and started my life over again. There isn't any magical way to make this better. I'm sorry to say you just have to deal with it. But know that you aren't experiencing something that the rest of us don't also go through; thats why I know you can do it - God would never allow anything that you can't handle. He knows you can handle this, and obviously He also knows its the best thing for you to do, even if it hurts like hell.
I'll pray for you; get back and let us know how you're doing, okay? Hang tough.....

2007-05-01 09:34:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2 1

1

2016-12-22 22:40:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Ungodly Relationships

2016-12-11 20:17:44 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

If you feel so strongly that he is wrong for you, tell him about all you are feeling. If he is really that bad of a guy, or if you feel THAT wrong and uncomfortable in the relationship with him, it will probably only keep getting worse. If he keeps pushing or trying to manipulate you after you told him how strongly you feel against having a relationship with him, you must be the stronger person and be true to yourself by not letting this continue. I'm very sorry you compromised your values, although please don't let Satan hurt you anymore in any way and that includes guilt. Fear and guilt is some of Satan's favorite methods to hurt you. DON'T let him do that, K? I know what your feeling, I've had something simular happen to me once, and it didn't get better till I got strong in and of myself, with G-d's help and said; NO. And KEEP saying NO as much as you need to, to this relationship. Whatever you do, don't quit. IF you choose to stay in this relationship... I will pray for you. You will need a ton of prayer and support. Maybe he will come to Christ too, later on... but girl, please.... DONT count on that, because if G-d has told you this is wrong for you, then I would say don't do it, because for the guy to change, HE will have to do it HIMSELF. You cannot change him. A person cannot change anyone but themselves... I'm sure you know this. IF you stay with him... like, if you marry him. LOVE him.... nomatter what he is, nomatter what he believes. Respect him, be a good wife to him... but don't let him abuse you, of course. If he is very controllling or abusive something like that cannot continue. I think you know that too...but it doesn't really sound like he IS that way, IS he? If he is, I would definately say, run the other direction right now! If not... have G-d guide you on this.
Anyway, it's going to take alot of courage nomatter what you decide to do, but I'm praying for you that G-d gives you the strength and to make the right decisions.

2007-05-01 09:12:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I know how you feel. I have been in 2 long term relationships with guys who I know are unequally Yolked for me. I am also a faithful Christian and these guys although one was the son of a pastor, he was extremely mean and hateful. He would smoke drugs before going to church, and before we left out the parking lot, would light up. My other long term was eventually to become the father of my now 1 yr old son. He has never, in the 2 years we have been together, come to church with me and I attend every Sunday and then some. I ask him to come and he wouldn't.. claiming that "only crooked people go to church, because they have to repent for the evil they did on saturday" I am no longer with him even though we have a child together. I saw only in these men what I wanted as well. It was either good looks, or good money, or good fun. never could I say they were good Christian men. It was hard to leave but I know as a Christian , if I don't clear a path for God to lead me to where and who I'm supposed to be with, then I will go through unecessary obstacles to get what he has for my life. If you are true Christian, then remain friends with him if he is a good person.. but make room what God has for you. By holding on to this guy you are only blocking your true blessings. God bless. And if it's just that he is not religious enough, invite him to church with you and see what he says. On the other hand if he is atheist, or Buddhist or something other than Christian faith, it might be time to move on.

2007-05-01 09:07:32 · answer #5 · answered by candyred1999 3 · 0 0

I'm not sure i understand....

the only reason you think he is wrong for you is because he isn't christian? If you really love him, you should be able to accept him for who he is.

If that's the problem, then you should be honest and tell him you want someone who's more spiritual than he is.

I don't know, if you get along with him as well as it seems you do, then maybe you should find a way to make it work rather than dumping him because he doesn't think exactly like you do.

Edit: If you recognize that it is such a problem dating someone who isn't your religion, then why did you start dating him?

I can understand your point of view, though. I certainly wouldn't date a girl who felt that her relationship with God superceeded her relationship with everyone else.

2007-05-01 09:01:31 · answer #6 · answered by pastor of muppets 6 · 1 0

It's going to take a big leap of faith and courage to say to him that you feel that the relationship you're in is not healthy for you and you have to do what is best for you first. If it was real love you wouldn't have compromised your values and he wouldn't have let you. Love sure is blind, or blinding.

Tell him you need time out and time off, starting now. You will feel a big release. He will have to accept it. Don't worry about him. You can break things off and just be acquaintences. That is healthy, tell him that's what you need. If he really cares about you he will let you go. If not, it's a selfish phony love and you have to stand up now for what is right and let the chips fall where they may.

Just take a stand for what is right and let God work out the rest. Isn't that what you do in all kinds of situations where you need to do the right thing no matter what? God will reward you for your courage and faithfulness. Pain first, then you will heal. and learn something too. Write it off as a wisdom producing experience.

2007-05-01 09:02:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

If you've allowed religion to get in the way of a relationship with someone you really love, then perhaps religion is the problem. I know that the Bible says "Be ye not unequally yoked wih an unbeliever", but in my mind, that's just Paul spouting off again. Christ never said that.

Believe as you will. Believe you have sinned if you wish. Ignore spirituality and follow religiosity if it makes you feel more secure.

In the end though, if you get out of the mindset of religion and rules, and start following a spiritual path, you might find that it is possible for people to have different beliefs and to get along fabulously. I'm quite spiritual, and have deep friendships with people who believe quite different than I. Were I to marry again, I don't think that the particular religion would be the major issue, as long as we're each able to accept each other's path as right for them.

The problem with most of Christianity is that they've this "exclusivity clause" which states that everyone else is wrong and is going to hell, and are therefore evil, of the devil, and deceived. They look down on the rest of the world as somehow less than worthy of association.

2007-05-01 09:09:58 · answer #8 · answered by Deirdre H 7 · 1 2

The one thing that you should be able to rely on as you make your way through life is that your boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, partner, whatever... will take care of them self so that they always can be the best they can for you. Alcoholism, drug-use, this is perfect reason that he should remain boyfriend material and not a husband. It is so important for you to make these kinds of decisions before you make more serious choices about being with this guy. Walk away know while all you have to do is break up and leave.... no strings. Don't marry the guy, have a kid.. and then spend 7 bad years with him before you get divorced and have to let him continue to be a part of the kids life.... and your life.

2016-03-19 01:04:48 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

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2016-05-17 17:58:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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